(Sorry for the length, hopefully its worth reading im putting a lot into it)
I've browsed these forums numerous times for insight before my trips, but this time i decided to take the experience into my own hands and
purely experience on my own feelings. I got home from an average shit day at work but i was feelin good. Set the bag down in front of me, and went to town. After the experience, i really wish i knew how much i took, but from my tripping experience and how many shrooms i've seen, it could have been at least 6 grams, i've never been over 2.5g. So....i asked for it without knowing lol.
I took a shower, and drove straight to somewhere, ANYWHERE but my house. For some reason i get bad vibes when i trip in my house. For a day in January it was beautiful outside, one of my motives for tripping that day specifically. I somehow ended up on the driving range of a golf course near my house, as soon as i got out of my car it began, and dear god the onset was terrifying. Not only did it kick in 30 minutes earlier than it was supposed to, but it was down-right probably the worst feeling i've ever had. But it was also amazing. I was always scared to take big doses because i never wanted that terrible feeling, but when i did i realized it was so bad, the shrooms know what to do.
From that moment on i realized...theres no fucking way im going to be able to drive anymore, so there i was...stuck in the middle of a driving range with people continuously hitting golf balls at me. But i didnt care. I guess to give you a better idea i was in the very back, so i didnt have too much to worry about. Anyways, the trip was in full effect now. Visuals like no other i have every experience, completely different than lsd, and thats something ive never experience with shrooms, visuals like these. Patterns up the ass and the earth warping around me, Utter amazement.
I couldn't shake the nauseated feeling the entire trip, and that made it difficult. I've never had that before, typically it goes away. I found it very
hard to trip in public, having to worry about what people were thinking when they saw a kid in the middle of the damn driving range wandering around like an idiot. But i didnt care, i was in no position to care, and this sense of have no worries is what jolted me into the most beautiful experience of my life.
I used to work at this golf course with a guy I'll call Bird, and he sat with me for most of my trip. He was working of course, picking up balls to give to people to hit, but i asked if i could chill with him and he was very cool with it. He guided me while i was tripping, and he had no idea i was tripping. I didn't tell him, i didnt want him to be disappointed in me. I believe he's the main reason my trip didnt take a turn to hell. God i was glad that i ended up at this place.
Time didn't exist, as most of you have experienced. Everytime i looked at my watch or phone not a moment passed. This made me really nauseated and anxious. I walked up to the road next to the driving range, and sat under a tree. Put my headphones in, turned on Kid Cudi's man on the moon, and closed my eyes to relax. I sat facing the sun, and it provided a crazy light with my eyes closed, something i will never forget. I sat under that tree for what was maybe an hour and a half, just meditating. Bird came and checked on me, gave me a jacket, and thought i was a just a crazy zen dude going through something rough lol.
When i was sitting there, i swear that i felt what it was like to be completely aware and unaware, to feel complete happiness. To truly let go of everything and all. I had no desire, no need for anything. I was completely content. I remember saying in my head, i could die right now, and feel that i have lived my life. No words...i just realized that i had found my purpose, to be in that state of mind always.
After this i tried having a conversation with bird, the sun was setting and it was just...perfect. I didnt say much about my experience for the day..i couldnt find words for it, no matter how much he pried. But something happened that ill never forget. As we conversed, me standing in front of him, i could see him talking from a lot of different perspectives. I noticed i was paying a lot of attention to detail like i never have before. I could tell something was very wrong with him without him ever telling me. I stood there quietly and listened to him, just let him talk himself through whatever he was going through. I felt like deep down all he needed was to talk himself through it and have me just be there, and not say anything. Im not doing this situation justice by trying to tell it in story form, but i hope you get the idea, i almost cried at how amazing it was.
The visuals began to die down, and i was so relieved at this. I almost couldn't handle them. This was the type of trip where you would want to curl up in a dark place and just ride out the trip, but i didnt have that choice. I was just some 19 year old kid, that befriended a 45 year old man who was lost in his life on this day. We were both in the exact same place. This made me realize that we're all in it together. No one really knows, we just live acting like we do. But truthfully, we're all lost in someway. It gave me a lot of peace to know that somehow, i was helping him, and in by doing that, he was helping me. Just crazy.
I had to let him get back to work, and my trip wasn't so intense, so i headed back home. Dont even get me started on driving, its was fucked up
and i never have trouble driving on any substance. I got home and just kind of sat until it was over. Playing some xbox, talked with friend, just like a normal night, but i didnt let myself forget what happened. This was the first time i truly got insight from mushrooms, i guess i just had to take a bigger dose. I honor psychedelics, but after this trip, im not quite sure i have the need to do them again. But who knows, there's always a time and place.
Thanks for reading and i hope you all find what you're looking for!