New Year

It was New Year's Day, and my brother and I went to the park with hoops and poi and we were just going to take a bit and flow and be back for dinner.

However, I could feel it all coming on too strong. I'd taken too much. He still had lots of tolerance from the week before and was not anywhere but Earth. I was anywhere but Earth. I will probably forever call that park "Alien Hell".

All the nature began to dance like it usually does, but then everything went red and the love/nature/connectedness just got sucked out of everything. I was looking out over a lake of blood and a red sky, and everyone in the park was a cop.

I tried to keep my cool because I assumed he was tripping as hard as I was. When he told me he wasn't, I asked if he could drive. He said he was fine and I raced to the car. Once inside I started screaming with relief. I'd been holding in so much WHAT THE FUCK. I started to slip out of my body. When I could manage to open my eyes, the whole of this world was so foreign. I could not understand what I was seeing here. My mind couldn't be in the two places at once.

"THOSE PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA THEY'RE JOGGING IN ALIEN HELL"

I had him drive me around until I was human again. It took hours. He drove me all over the city. I reclined my seat because everything outside was way the fuck too much. I had to put my hands behind my back because they kept twisting into nonhuman shapes. Closing my eyes did nothing to stop everything from tearing apart. At one point, the "aliens" (same as those from DMT experiences) communicated to me through a beautiful picture of oranges and purples that they wanted to take my head. I was screaming about it. He told me to "relax and let the aliens take your head, dude".





I tried to relax and oblige them, but it made them no less violent. I began to realize that they exist in a realm of consciousness in which human emotions for better or worse are not at all relevant. Perhaps emotion and one-ness are the dimension here that is invisible to them?








They proceeded to brain rape me. I don't use the word lightly, because I would never throw it around for fun. They were taking my head, ripping it off my body. They told me my body was useless to them. They made me violently realize truths about the universe. I kept yelling that I was sorry to the mushrooms because I didn't respect them. I felt like I was being punished for taking them lightly.











They were telling me my body was useless made me terribly aware of the rotting meat sack I was in. I thought I smelled like meat, like hotdogs. I rolled my window down and sprayed perfume everywhere. 
I could smell the metal in my deodorant. 
I felt gross.











Coming back into my body was wonderfully relieving. At one point he had to pee so we stopped at a grocer in uptown and he ran in as fast as he could. I took off my sunglasses and I was back on Earth suddenly. The lights were all twinkling on the trees in uptown and things were good. I could feel love again like I was back in the pool of Earth/nature/oneness. It was so relieving.











Then the sun set so fast and terror came over me again, but the world looked more like how I'd left it.











I was exhausted. We came home where my mother and grandmother had been baby-sitting. My three year old was crying before bed, and her face twisted into a terrible form, so I held her close. I felt bad that she looked that way to me. Lots of guilt. I think the aliens were communicating with me for the next couple days. Any time I consumed something that was bad for me or did something counterproductive, I felt overwhelming shame or I threw up.











The "aliens" dismembered me. They took my head. However, they did not put me back together. I was prepared for the experience, and thus did not complete it. I've been miserably depressed and disillusioned since this experience. After some detailed reading, I believe I need to go back and finish the process of re-memberment. 

Funny quotes:

"I can smell my meat."



"Can I do anything for you, dude?" "Yeah, make your face stop doing that."






"LEGS. I NEED YOU TO BE LEGS. STOP BEING HOTDOGS."






"I'm not grown up enough to have hands right now."






"I can't human right now."