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Meeting the sun god

12 seeds hbwr, LSA

This past year i have experimented with LSA a handful of times.  I've spent hours doing LSA-LSH conversions and looking up ways to eliminate nausea.  About a month before this my trip i had taken 14 seeds with maoi and it was so intense i could not control my eyes from turning in my head and spent minutes without breathing in pure bliss.  The amazing trip turned into a train wreck when i went to smoke more weed.  I walked to my bathroom to smoke since the smoke was bothering me and my vision blacked and i collapsed to the floor, slamming my head into my sink and floor.  I awoke too high to know why i was on the floor with my weed everywhere.  I looked in the mirror to see a massive lump and blood trickling out.  I did not know what had happened, i heard people outside who were partying and i thought it was the sound of people screaming and dying and thought a man came in and tried to kill me.  I also thought i had been poisoned, now i think it was too high of blood pressure.   I sat in the bathroom attempting to assess what had happend and contemplated my life and health for hours until i came to the acceptance of death and laid on the cold floor hoping i would fall asleep and go into a coma.  I ended the night going to the hospital and telling them i hit my head and got  concussion.  they never found out i was tripping

The last trip scared me and when i consumed the seeds, the taste made me repulse and made me feel sick immediately from the thought of the last trip i had.  I kept them in my stomach about a half hour and felt the effects already, i got panic attacks as well and waves of nausea.  I went upstairs and made myself puke, the last experience impacted me too much.  I tried to take my mind off the anxiety and read Naked Lunch and the line "The medicine men take these noxious substances and go into convulsive states.  Their twitchings and mutterings are thought to have prophetic significance" (Burroughs) stuck with me and reminded me of LSA.
I sorta lost track of time and was lost in thought, feeling the mild euphoria and a heavy feeling i always felt on the come up and sorta sat there emptily while my brother his friend and a girl hung out.  I always felt a sort of grave feeling on the LSA come up, like how you'd feel if you were attending church or something important.   The girl left and we decided to smoke some weed and by then i was feeling giggly and sedated, he packed a bowl of some potent Green Crack and instantly i slid into the trip.  Multiple bowls in of Green crack and Alaskan thunderfuck i sat munching on a carrot, sedated and staring at the fake wood wall morphing and gaining blotches of color.  I  played it cool since my brother is pretty naive about drugs and felt it was none of his business if i were tripping.  My brother and his friend snacked on foods and watched southpark and I sat there slowly entering a peak and gradually slipping away getting higher and higher till I was with the gods.  Every stupid joke and action in southpark I analyzed and explained to my brother and friend, they just looked at me letting it fly in one ear and out the other ear.  

They said they were going to bed and spoke to me about something but i wasn't in the room with them.  I just sat with my blanket and laid there watching the room gain color and change its dimensions from 3d to 2d.  Some aspects of it reminded me of hippie-flipping but i also felt s if i were on mxe or ketamine at times.  The floors now turned glassy and rounded, everything was drastically slowed down and ornate native american dotted patterns appeared in my vision.  The couch and blankets existed around me as i slipped away and saw with my third eye.  My normal eyes were rendered useless as they flipped into my head.  My body and blankets and the world were connected and all alive as one collective unconsciousness.  I felt the blankets curl and tighten and wrap around "me".
Images of flowers, snakes, stars, and constellations appeared in my semi conscious mind.  My eyes turned inside my head and they felt as if they were looking upwards into space.  I could feel energy being channeled through me as I closed my entered this state.  I saw CEV's similar to DMT and LSD.  I tapped into a conscious which i have only felt on DMT and very long deep meditation, in a matter of seconds i was feeling the energy of the universe flow through my body.  When i opened my eyes the world and my body felt entirely still and peaceful, no desire to move or think for the universe would for me.  Black and white patterns like zebra skin appeared in my eyesight and flowed and twisted up into a new pattern then it would unravel into a new black and white pattern.  

The trip came in waves and when i came back i realized i should take a few shots, and smoke some weed.  I crawled over to the cabinets to find the alcohol but couldn't,  i crawled since i didn't want to hit my head if i were to black out again.  Im glad i didn't find the booze since it would weaken the experience even if it would have helped the vasoconstriction.  I smoked a bowl and laid back down and dimmed the lights.

The light was left on a little orange glow and i found myself uncontrollably staring at it.  My vision blacked and i could not tell if my eyes were open or closed and i stared at the light and channeled the energies of the universe and curled my eyes inside to view universe but the light remained in my sight, and it's presence was always there.  My life and personality flashed before my eyes and I saw many things I had problems with in my life explained to me and I overcame many of my weaknesses in that moment. The light took the appearance of the sun and its presence enlightened me.  I learnt what love is, i saw the history of mankind.  Call it a machine elf, call it a sun god, call it your self.  I experienced a true ego death which followed true enlightenment.  Everything i had experienced on psychedelics had built up and built up and this moment was the most meaningful.  I found myself crying in joy and feelings of relief.  I felt like Siddartha who meditated for years to discover true happiness, I was excited to start my life. ~fuckspice

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