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Behind it all

This is what I was looking for

HI all!

I'm really excited to share what I *think* was my level 5 experience.

Before I get into it, I wanted to give a little history for some context - I'm new to all of this mushroom stuff...I love growing them, but I've only tripped a couple of times. I'm a hardhead and I seem to need a good amount to get anywhere. A few weeks ago, I gave mushrooms to my fiancé. He ended up being VERY sensitive to the drug and had a very bad trip. He is very religious and he was stripped of his sense of identity. He was ranting and raving "Who am I? Who are you? Does anything even exist?" He also said that I looked like an angel and that I was his "totem", his link to sanity. I found this terribly amusing as he often claims that I drive him crazy :)

Anyhow, on to my trip.

8:07 - I ground up 2.5g of dried Malabars into a coffee grinder. I ate the icky stuff with a spoon and then chased it with Perrier.

9:45 - At this point, I'm not feeling much. I feel a slight pressure in my forehead between my eyes and a feeling of happiness. I decide that now would be a good time to try some of those penis envy aborts drying in my dehydrator. I grabbed a handful and swallowed them whole like pills.

11:40 - I start feeling things at this point. I am hit with a wave of nausea and fatigue. I feel a pulsing between my eyes in my forehead. I begin to see things...whether I close my eyes or open them, I see the same patterns....endless Celtic knot patterns rotating along the periphery of my vision. They are etched in light and silver and are very beautiful. I begin to be able to see beyond. I went upstairs to lay down and wait out the nausea and my fiancé asked me if I was ok and if I needed anything. He asked me if I saw anything and I told him that I could see patterns and that I could see behind everything. He asked me what it looked like. I told him it looked normal but that there was something behind it. I told him I could probably articulate it better in the morning when I wasn't high. He gave me a kiss and let me lay down while he went to go watch TV.

I began to lose all sense of time when I felt another consciousness brush my mind. I saw the form of it...it had a "beak" for a mouth, 2 spots for eyes, and a long body, like a snake which was striped with rainbow colors and it pulsed and undulated into infinity.

I could feel it smiling at me and it said how happy it was that we finally got to meet. I mentally shook hands with it and asked it what it was. It told me I already knew. I asked if I was speaking to the universe or if it was simply my drug addled brain creating a positive feedback loop and it LAUGHED hard and told me that I was such a clever child but that it didn't matter. It also seemed to think it was a very great joke that I would never really know and told me that knowing everything all at once would spoil all the fun.

It radiated warmth and love and pride. It praised me for my kindness, my intellect and beauty. I began to share with it. I showed it happy memories and memories fill with love and with each one, it would shimmer and grow larger and more powerful. When I showed it a sad or painful memory, it would "look" at me with concern and ask if I was ok. I told it I was. We began to chat back and forth. It said that it created me and everything else. I asked why all the different religions exist. It "shrugged" and said none of the religions matter. They simply provide a point of reference for people who need it. I asked why I didn't believe in any of them and it simply said that I didn't need it. I asked about the nature of evil and it said that there was no such thing as "evil" only not knowing. It said evil happens because someone or something doesn't know any better. When they learn to do better, they are forgiven and they can continue to grow. I asked where it came from and it said it didn't know. It said it was alone and then it was not. It said it was searching for answers too and that we would find them together (all of us). It said that I was undying and eternal as old as the universe itself. It said we are all a part of the whole but that every living thing is blessed with the spark of the divine and that it becomes a new universe unto itself. Growing entities within a greater entity within something even greater.

I began to share even more. I pictured my fiancé sleeping in bed and the entity floated and undulated around him and said "Yes! Isn't he beautiful! I created him! He loves you very much. He would never hurt you. Thank you for being so kind to him!" I then thought of my best friend and the entity again piped up "oh yes! She is so beautiful. I'm so sorry for what happened to her. I blocked her memories to save her from the worst of it. She loves you so much. She will remember when she is ready, or she won't at all. It doesn't matter."

I thought of my cats and the entity again marveled at how beautiful and amazing they were. It told me that they loved me so much and thanked me for my kindness to them. Every person, animal, plant, spec of dust, every atom was something beautiful and amazing to behold. It was telling me that there is beauty in even the most mundane "thing". It said every act of kindness and love rippled outwards to the very core of the universe.

I asked if it knew where it came from and it said that it did not. That it was trying to learn as well. I asked if it was the universe, didn't it have about 13 billion years already to figure things out. It "laughed" and said that it must be very slow indeed, but to remember that time is meaningless. It said reality is an illusion. Everything exists and it does not. Reality is here as a reference point for our minds. A piece of flotsam to cling to until we get our bearings. The entity kept repeating over and over how much it loved us all and that it would not directly intervene, but it watched us grow with love and amusement and wept with us when we were hurt or made mistakes. It said bad things have to happen to teach us to grow that we would never learn otherwise, but that it would to what it could to heal the worst stings. For example, it said that it blocked my mother's memories of her abuse towards me because she loved me so much that it would kill her to know she had caused me pain. It urged me to forgive, but said it would happen when I was ready.

I asked if this is what happens when people die; if they see the same things that I do. It said it didn't know. I asked about my loved ones and pets who have passed; where are they now? It said that nothing dies and that the love we shared is eternal.

After what seemed like forever, it told me that it had to leave now and that it was so happy we got to talk. The creature seemed to fade into oblivion and the last thing I felt before going to sleep were deep musical tones resonating within my very core.

I think I got about 2 hours of sleep lol. It was a very positive experience and I wonder how many of you have had something similar? The take away from it was that everything is beautiful and amazing and love love love, forgive when you can and move on. Not too bad :)

TL:DR - I met the universe and it told me I was a speshul snowflake! :P

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