overall experience was a bad trip... but im glad i did.
so i ended up taking about 3 grams of what i got. made some tea with some sugar, downed it and curled up in my bed to watch a astronomy documentary. i was not sure what to expect so i tucked myself in and probably knew from the beginning i may have made a bad idea.
first of let me say i went into this experience with a mindset that was not great. i had been having a few problems in my life. more or less not really my life but my own self image had gone down hill a bit and had been causing some problems in my life and with my relationship with my gf of five years.
i kinda new what i was about to do to myself but some reason i still did.
as i came up my mind started to wonder as it usually dose but i kept saying to myself dont think about that right now, i want to have a good time tonight. i soon was not paying any attention to the tv and found myself mostly laying under my blanket thinking about the things that had been bothering my in my life with moments of "whoa thats some cool shit" in between.
as my relatively unpleasant come up leveled out i started to feel better physically. i decided to smoke a cig and went to the bath room. one of my favorite things to do while tripping is to look at myself in the mirror. as i looked at myself i started to feel disgusted with my self and how i had been acting. not that i was being unmoral lately but i had lost a lot of self confidence and motivation.
i returned to my room. i forget why but i turned the light all the way up (its dimable) and looked around my room. this is just fucking disgusting and ridiculous. i cant believe how fucking nasty this is.
i was over exaggerating but by room was abnormally dirty because of my lack of drive lately.
as i laid there i started to think about my relationship and how i had lost a lot of my confidence lately and how negatively it was affecting us. i kept thing of "what if" and worrying about what would i do and such even tho deep down i had no reason to worry but lately i let some insecurities eat me up and affect me. witch isent like me at all.
i kept having to tell my self just calm down! your worrying for nothing.
here comes my revelation.
for some reason i found my self taking to my self (yes out loud) in a third party perspective. my subconscious sat my self down and and told me.
third party me: look dude this is stupid. get yourself together! whats the point in worrying!
me: yea but...
third party me: shut up! come on man you know thats bull and your letting this shit manifest for nothing? what are you accomplishing? other then fucking shit up?
me: but what if i that did happen or i cant do it?
third party me: ok well what grounds do you have to think that way at all?
me: uhhhh. well...
third party me: exactly! shut the hell up! secondly if it did happen or you cant what the hell good is worrying about it and wallering in it going to do you now or after? ill just let you contemplate that for a while now...
after that lovely experience i sat there for a hour or two looking like a kid that just got his ass chewed out. i came down, had a few beers, gave a sigh of relief and went to bed. i woke up the next morning in a surprisingly good mood. took a hot shower, got a fresh shave, put on some nice cloths and cologne, picked up gf who i hadent seen in a week and had a lovely date. we had a great time i was was very content with her and my life. im typing this now actually kinda looking forward to work when i go in next time and just feel much better about myself and have made a few decisions that i knew i have been needing to make and feeling good about making them
did i have a good trip? no
if i could go back in time and stop myself from doing it would i? not a chance.
even a bad trip i seem to pull something away from it.