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Beyond the Void

Pure Bliss and Horror

Hello everyone, this is my first trip report on the shroomery. This trip actually happened about a month and a half ago, and I would usually never post a report this long after, but this experience was so powerful I felt that I should share it somewhere, and I haven't forgotten a bit of this one. I never will.

First off, I am of the belief that Salvia truly is a plant of divination and that it holds incredibly spiritual states on the other side of the rabbit hole. I respect that most people don't see it as such, as it can be very unpleasant.  If misused, Sally will sense your ignorance, and kick your ass. I've smoked Salvia of various strengths 35-40 times by this point in alot of different environments and will say two things to the people who would like to partake in this substance A.) it will probably be scary, at least the first time, being thrown from reality to such a state of utter dissociation so quickly one cannot help but be afraid. It's all about letting go. And recently I've read of the way that salvia is actually smoked in Mexico, which is like to try and would probably give a better experience.  Even if it is scary, the experience can be useful. And B.) PACKING A FULL BOWL OF SALVIA IS NOT. FUCKING. NECCESSARY. A full bowl is probably like 15-30 doses depending on a few factors. So when you see someone at a party go to rip a whole bowl, and that person acts completely moronic, know that you don't have to be that guy. You don't exactly need to weigh doses, but it's easy enough to eye ou a 1/10th gram of an extract (Approx dose)

So I arrived home on this night after working 6 or so hours. I showered, ate and smoked a joint. I felt as if everything was right tonight so I grabbed my Baggie of Salvia. Now of all these experiences, I had my very intense experiences over a period of time, maybe 7 or so of my experiences being the mind blowing out of reality trips. So this would be my first time alone. I sat on my couch with my legs crossed and sortof meditated for awhile just to relieve myself of some stress. 

It was time, I packed the bowl with my dose and turned the tv onto the Wings Live in 79' concert that's always on Palladia, in Glascow I believe. Little did I know how much this live video would change the trip for me a few short minutes (eternities) later. So I took my hit and held it in, laying down. I started to feel it, then boom, no breakthrough. So I packed another dose. (I will note that anyone who isn't experienced with this shouldn't take more doses after the initial but I had really wanted to trip that night and it felt okay). Long story short, this reloading continued 3-4 more times, which I realized after I could've saved alot of salvia by actually packing it correctly, USE A MOTHERPHUCKING SCREEN KIDS. And hold your smoke in the whole time, that was the problem I believe. 

I placed the bowl on the floor as I felt it hit me. Wings had just begun a song so I heard ',' and then it REALLY hit me. I heard those numbers repeated over and over and over and over again. They were embedded within my soul, and I felt the pitch drop lower until McCartney saying these numbers sounded like they were coming through a concentration camp bullhorn. As I lay on my couch, everything began layering very heavily and I was pulled by the force into the corner of my couch while gripping my blanket. So at this point I was at complete ego death, I knew not who I was, or the house in which I was. Now this really scared me and things started to spiral. 

The layers swirled around me and made me feel trapped, I couldn't escape no matter how I tried. At this point I shut my eyes and got these odd spiraling CEVsthat kept repeating themselves. Imagine a kalidescope, with weird black and white lines instead of colors. This is where it got insane. 

I opened my eyes, and was totally engulfed in darkness. I was surrounded by silence. Looking down, I realized that I was not a body, I was just an entity. All that existed were my eyes and darkness. I was dead, when this thought came through my head I truly and honestly believed that I was dead. I stared out trying to make sense of it all and tried to accept my fate. I felt nothing but a sort of agonizing emptiness within myself. 

When I was a kid especially, I was afraid of death. How sudden, painful, and endlessly depressing it can be. I started to flash back to this, and I saw myself as a child sitting at my table, in my head. These visions were within my head but seemed too realistic not to be happening, and I started to experience it. 
I watched myself sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner, and I excused myself. I remember this vividly tripping or not. When I got into the bathroom I sat there and cried. I balled my fucking eyes out at the thought of my life being so meaningless and inconsequential. This used to happen a fair amount to me. I've always been somewhat afraid of death. But this time I couldn't get the thoughts out of my head, and as the darkness persisted, I accepted death. I accepted that I would never come back. That wherever I was was the place I belonged, and that there was a reason for me dying. Sometimes acceptance is key. I felt these eternities pass until I truly accepted my death, and it was like a fleeting moment of pure bliss. 

I came back into reality while things were still layering heavily. Sometimes when you come down from Salvia, before you're totally back there's a nagging feeling that you're in somewhere that you didn't come from. Little things feel off and it's like a plastic sort of universe. I had it in my head that both of my parents were dead in this world for some reason. So I ran upstairs and saw them laying in bed, taking a deep breath. Then I ran to my piano as the layers were still happening some, and I just started playing. I don't remember what it was, but it made me feel so much better. 

Honestly it was fucking horrifying. Would I change any bit of it? Absolutely not, it was definitely one of the most beautiful moments in my life. Then the awesome afterglow sets in. 

I walked downstairs and poured a glass of milk, laughing when I realized that all of that happened in 4 minutes. 

                    Safe Trippings
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