A trip indeed

Well this was my first time, and quite a 'time' it was. It was a group of 8 of us that decided to do some shrooming, most of them had done it before. So I ate around 3 caps and three stems(dont know the weight) and washed it down with some orange juice, didn't taste half as bad as I thought it would, it was still gross. But anyway was sitting around for about 40, 45 minutes when I first noticed a clarity in the sound. I was outside so there was wind, airplanes off in the distance, friends talking, cars driving by as well, and all of it sounded so clear, like I was in a recording studio with several condensor mics picking up the essence and texture of each sound wave. I then proceeded after a few minutes of clarity to pick up my didgeredoo(a hollowed out eucolyptus stick in the key of d flat) and held out long, long notes probably in the intervals of thirty seconds(time wasn't warped yet, and I have relatively good lung capacity, not a smoker ) I was doing this for probably about another 5 minutes or so, closing my eyes, and seeing fading in and out colors of kaleidoscopes, this was the first visual stimulant I witnessed. After blowing on the didgeredoo consistently my lips fell numb, which happens normally, but this was different, a more comfortable numb, extra tingley I guess. So I was laughing about that for a bit. I then proceeded to the backyard fence(this was all happening at night, a beautiful, slightly overcast night, by the way) and their backyard over looks a slightly hilly plain with grass, and hehe eucolyptus trees, and beyond that there are some more houses. On the right there was a road so cars would come by with their now dazzling crystal lights, slowly changing the shadows of the grass giving it an extreme illusion of motion, just waves, the trees as well. Then I found myself staring at a porch light across the field and focusing in on it, and a bit of tunnel vision set in, everything around the light began to darken, due to my overdialated pupils I imagined. Between me, the fence, and the light, was a tree not more than 10 feet from my position(relative to the say 200 feet to the hallway light) and I slowly began swaying my head left and right, left and right. The tree was moving at a delayed rate relative to a sober perception, straight out of a scene from Waking Life, it was awesome. I played with that for quite some time.

The geometry. As I swayed from left to right is when time fell into a state of irrelevance, it was still subconsciously percieved, but wasn't really memorable. I started seeing complex layers of geometrical shapes on the leafs of the trees, spinning, shading, in shades of gray, and hints of green. The house and car lights were spectacularly crystalized, with rainbow trim around the edges(normally Im not fond of rainbows, but I was dazzled by it.) As I went to sit back down I caught a glimpse of the pavement. It was brilliant. It was circular geometrical shapes once again, but the tones of gray and black(this time) were thick and vibrant. All of these circular complex figures were spinning as if they were the internal parts of a conventional clock. Ironically enough the dark contrasting shades of gray and black(deemed the 'depressing' colors by society) led to an unexpected path in my trip.

The 'clock' of geometry began shifting to faces of demonlike qualities, I began to feel quezzy to my stomach. This was right around the time when I started noticing the 'sweat' or condensation on my hands. I began to feel dirty, cold, and back again to the feeling of throwing up which I've heard is uncommon in shroom trips, so I wasn't quite sure. Anyway I dangled over to the fence in a drunken state, and puked three times. It was both highly unpleasant and unique. But after that I was quite relaxed, until I began to feel cold again. At this point my senses and my muscles were fading from control, and were in a phase of long delay, reverberations of what I actually felt several 'seconds' before hand. Someone was kind enough to get me some water, since I would have struggled to get it myself and I was longing for it. Took a big gulp, and almost threw up again. It was TAP water!! and wow did it taste far worse than it does sober. But anyway it was in a clear dark blue chili's(the restuaraunt) cup, which will find itself back in my trip later.

The calm before the storm. I then proceeded to the couch in search of warmth and comfort(a longing that would start me in an undesired direction) and as I sat on the couch and rapped myself in a fuzzy shady blanket I began to see eyes everywhere. If any of you are familiar with Alex Grey's work, I was seeing those eyes all over the place, everywhere. Then shadows on the wall molded into faces. There was one in particular that reminded me of an ancient aztec type mask. That haunted me throughout the trip(well it was staring at me!!:)) But the blanket was brilliant, it became a city of geometry, like geometry shape traffic, but the colors were fading between a flattish yellow to a flat brown/red/magenta type color this time, but again it was layered. Suddenly things started shifting between beautiful geometry and eyes, to scary images of faces, I'd close my eyes and find brilliant colors and shapes that would mold into frightening "torture porn" I guess one would call it. At this point there was some techno music grooving in the background, keeping me moving through my journey one beat at a time. Glances of sex, and "motioney" sex were for one reason or another bothering me. I was fading in and out of comfort losing control of my muscles, feeling time sloowwwing down.

An endless storm. This was the point when I started losing my grasp on reality, unlike before when I knew I was tripping and it was fun, now I was forgetting and beginning to get lost in the ever delaying thoughts, senses and sounds. Several of the friends I was with I didn't percieve as friends anymore, but more or less as people trying to fuck with me, I was beginning to get paranoid. That and I was getting caught in loop thoughts, one thought leeding to another thought, lol, and one of my other friends would come up and say, "Nick, stop it, stop it" And then walk away freaking me the fuck out, lol. Then he would do it again, in loops it seemed. It slipped into a nightmare type dream, but slightly different. I was experiencing a sort of Deja-Vu, everything I had ever thought about, worried about, experienced, or whatever, was manifesting itself in my trip. I began feeling the sensation, "What if I'm dying and this is my life flashing before me?" I was searching for something pure, a source of escape, I was looking to my friends and they would seem to help for a moment, but then laugh as if to say, "haha tricked you!" I began seeing the fakeness in everything, in everyone, I saw what I thought of them secretly, but amplified ten fold, I couldnt control it. I was weeping inside now. I was completely alone, searching for a light, or something solid to grasp on to. Began to get thirsty again, saw my blue chilis cup on the coffe table not a foot in front of me, but my oh my how the space was distorted. Debating whether to move to get it or not, meanwhile my frined keeps say, water, I need water, and then laughing, as if mocking me. I managed to grab it then sip it, then see scary blue demons in the water with my hand on the boddom falling in and out of view. Laying down and getting up to fast in between didnt help my situation either. Delaying and reverberating were my thoughts and senses, with an increasingly infinite delay. Chaos, chaos...all of this chaos was in my head but on the exterior my muscles were slowly moving in motions and positions of the retarded(no offense, just using to describe.) My eyes were off staring at these somewhat inanimate objects that were my friends. And I saw the fear in everyone, who saw that fear in the eyes of mine. But I felt they were looking at me to show them a way out, and I was lost, completely and utterly out of control. Reality was so far away. I was looking at the clock and time was moving so sloowww. Two minutes seemed like literally hours. I was crying out(in my thoughts) "I want out now!", I realized how weak I was, I was so weak. At some point during all of this we had Eulogy from Tool playin in the background, my favorite band whom I idolize(and at one point I saw them laughing at me too, saying, "sucker, hahaha" and it hurt, I was all alone) but anyway the cd started skipping, and I remember saying to my friend, "thats not good." lol, cause I was freaking out about time as it was, it was comic relief, but I fell quite quickly back in the spell. The chaos was biulding I was so weak, concentrating on breathing, choking on my tongue, my leathery sweaty skin drowning me, my hair prickling my face and neck, and tangling my hands in a web of webs. But from the chaos something began to manifest itself. As the noise of all of my senses and thoughts cluttered and delayed infinetely to a 'white noise.' I felt singularity, I felt the state that all of life and the universe emerged from, all of the chaos noise began falling into a single point, in metaphor, I only felt the singularity, the point represented it. It wasnt relief at the moment, but was a crucial point I later decided in my trip.

Thus was the peak. After that reality slowly came back into view, the clock started moving, I began to smile, I survived. It was just a trip, it wasn't reality(based on society's view of reality anyway.) I began to see my friends as friends again but saw something more than I did before. There was a new established connection an experience we shared together, no matter how different one was from another, we all stepped out of reality for a moment, and could share each others experience, and find a self respect, a common ground. I learned a lot about myself as well. Material things, and life goals weren't important, it was the connection that became important. I realized how weak and depended on the system I was. It was a trip I wouldn't have traded for anything less, despite my completely freaking out, and being scared shitless, it was worth it. Complete vulnerability and lack of control leading to singularity, and reminding us who and what we are.