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K-hole in abandoned house

emptiness



About two months ago i decided to do some ketamine with some friends who have never done it before.  I am experienced with ketamine, MXE, DXM, salvia, etc. but one of my friends who was on about 50mg was not.  I show up to my friends apartment and it was completely empty and i remembered that he was moving but still had keys so while he was over he decided that it would be better to trip inside his old dark empty apartment.  I thought it was dumb since we could have just done it anywhere else.  

Around 11:00 i get there and they had already taken a few bumps and my experienced friend took 60mg and the others took around 50.  They inexperienced friends ill call N and when i got there he looked at me and seemed very angsty and tripping himself out.  I give him some money and i got 150 mg and cut up 80mg to rail.  All the while i was cutting the lines and snorting them i was listening a very weird set of songs which every single one of them brought up a very distinct emotion and mood from it, which felt almost entirely abstract and i don't feel like putting it in words since then i would have to explain the story of my life.  I finished smoking bowls of lukeskywalker og and was extremely high and feeling the effects of the k like anesthesia so i laid down.  

It was 11:30 now and i was going in and out of reality sorta not a full blown k-hole but completely dissociated.  From that night I remember the first thing that i noticed in my civ's were what i usually saw nothing special so i opened my eyes to see my friends cutting lines i took another smaller one and then leaned against the wall and realized that my friend N didn't exactly know what they were getting into and around that time the other friends started talking about money, dealing drugs, work, the potency of k and how its not to be messed with, and other shit like when they want to go home and what not.  I Then just felt as if the voices that were coming from them were slowing down and becoming unclear and i fell into a hole.  Time now is completely meaningless and i'm guessing that it was probably around 12 but i can't say for sure.  I drift away and i can feel my soul sorta just stretching and pulling away from my body and my brain warping and flowing in correlation with the visuals.  I'd see galaxies appear from the nothing and magnificent mind bending visuals.  I kept remembering things that happened in my life like you would on MXE and as my thoughts began to come back i slowly came out of the hole.  When I opened my eyes I see how my friend N seemed to be worrying about the trip he was on and worrying about life and problems he has been going through and i could tell because every now and then he'd be mentioning them.  For whatever reason i kept feeling like i needed to say things to them sorta to help them out and whenever it came out it was just total jarble like something thats been distorted to the point where it's not even recognizable.  I was able to pick up that i was tripping them out and i would try to keep my thoughts to myself but couldn't.  I drifted off again and saw what seemed to be my skull being viewed from inside my brain.  Inside it was like being inside a cold damp room that was huge and open like a church or dome.  I was trapped inside my body which felt like a cold empty shell and i felt as if being trapped until i died and then i could be released and sent to the next realm.

 I tried to tell my friend that nothing exists and since everything is just your perception playing tricks on you.  I tried to explain everything to him about different dimensions and how they exist here and now but theres no way a human could perceive it so it just passes by leaving us unaffected.  I continued my lecture drooling and rambling on about how everything is fake and that things like color, pain, sound or touch wouldn't exist if theres was no way to detect it.  I went in way more detail and I know now how weird it must have been to be tripping on K for the first time and having me say all this shit like it gets overwhelming and freaky to people especially if their already beginning to have a bad trip.  I began to pick up stress from the other people and just sorta felt bad not depressed or sick or angry i just felt cold and empty so i decided to smoke some more weed.  Every hit i took i would have the bong milked in a matter of seconds and i wouldn't feel the smoke whatsoever until i inhaled a massive hit of yellow smoke that just felt as if it was clogging my lungs with sludge.  Id heave and cough and spit and still needed to smoke and the weed sent me back intensifying the trip.  I knew now that i was annoying N so i meditated for a while and awakened when i heard my friend talking about leaving and time and shit thats just stressing them out.  When i heard the word time i saw business men with no expression on their face appear in my head and i saw them looking over rows of clocks and time charts and industrial looking elves which turned its gears.  I got up fast looked my friend in the eyes and said "time is capitalist" and then stopped talking since i felt as if i was making him have a bad trip.  This annoyed him and he was saying all this shit about me not knowing about life and all this stuff and we weren't arguing but we sort of were except we both had different beliefs and interpretations of whatever was said.  

We all realized we had enough of this dark smoke filled apartment so we packed things up and decided to go on a sobering up walk.  But before that we needed to be able to i wander about the room disgusted since i was covered in spit and washed my face in the sink for a good 10 minutes while my experienced friend aproaches me saying in a scraggling "I Ijus  r r railed another 60 milligrams" which shocked me since shit just seemed so crazy at the moment since i could hear my friend N repeating he wanting it to end and being comforted while me and the other guy just trippin balls trying to be serious about the situation but just were on another level.  On the walk we stumbled around the midnight streets and i felt as if i never wanted to go back inside, the world was changing from 2-dimensional to 3-d and it reminded me of old video game graffics i used to play.  The fresh air, nature, euphoria, and delirium was great except i realized it wasn't very good to be out in public with someone that could start tripping out so we all decided to inside and then have the person no longer tripping drive home.  

I didn't talk much about the trip with my friend N but i realize he was unprepared and money problems and memories combined with my overwhelming speeches made it bad for him.  He explained his experiences on it to me and i realize that Ketamine is not for everyone.  But its still one of my favorite drugs
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