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love, mind-fuckery, & Elvis
Yes, this is extremely long. ;) YOU KNOW YOU WANNA READ IT!! I'm trying to explain my trip in detail for people who wanna know what tripping's kinda like. Everyone's experiences are different buuut who knows maybe someone's had a similar experience to mine.
I started smoking the Ganj last year in the fall after I got hired by a local pizza parlor run by a bunch of potheads. I fell in love with the amazing perception-altering effects i get when I'm high... It's not as if i'm in another world, it's as if i'm in another me, and i see everything. I can get past my usual closed-minded thoughts. It didn't take long before I'd begun regularly blowing down with this guy I thought was cool, I'll call him Z. Z had been smoking for about four years longer than i had, & had experienced other drugs like PCP, acid, cocaine, molly... and MAGIC MUSHROOMS! This driver at the pizza parlor would always make comments about "fillin' a pizza with magic mushrooms, maaan!" and (on pay day) "mushroom money, they should just pay us in drugs..." His shroom talk got me thinking... Tripping. Yea. it must be really fuckin crazy. I think I'm gonna get some shrooms.
Finally one cold February pay day, I called up my smoke buddy (by now fuck buddy... oops) & said "let's trip on shrooms." A couple hours later i'm holding a plastic baggie of and 8th of dark blue wrinkled HYDRO shrooms... Z told me that when his dealer had handed off the bag, his parting comment was "be careful with those man, they will FUCK you up". I kept the creepy looking pieces of dried psychedelia on my desk that night, the trip was planned for the next day (a Saturday, was Z's day off. I was supposed to go to work at 6 pm that day... HA). Even looking at them gave me an unexplainably weird feeling. It's as if they were warning me... I could sense the potency coming from of them. Hit the hay in my tiny twin size with Z and woke around 11 the next morning, started the day off right with a wake & bake of some bomb-ass Sour D (high as FUCK when we started popping), which also basically was our breakfast since we didn't eat anything that morning... and sometime around noon the shroom popping began.
"Let's split it in half" "Okay!" one pile for me, one pile for Z. Z shoves several caps and stems in his mouth with a kill-me grin and I watch in fascination. I've heard that shrooms taste like shit & can make you throw up... throwing up is my number one HUGEST irrational fear. Will literally do anything to keep that evil act from happening! I ask how they are and he's like "they're shrooms." i nibble a tiny bit on a cap and can't even taste it so i pop it and swallow it. Swallow a couple little pieces of another cap and two tiny stems. And I kid you not, after only 5 minutes I'm looking at Z saying "dude I seriously feel fucking WEIRD." He just grins and shoves the rest of his shrooms in his mouth and says "eat up!" Now I'm extremely fucking nervous, like the sweaty hand butterflies-in-the-stomach nervous & feeling weirder by the second. But i look at the remainder of my pile and suddenly realize I might as well not waste my money. -DOWN THE HATCH- with most of them... I puss out. Leave a little pile for later. I put in the movie "Grown Ups" since it's kinda funny and gives off good vibes. Wait, fuck, no... the fucking funeral scene. Death does not give off good vibes. Neither does Adam Sandler's head, which is currently morphing up into a giant balloon... ohhhhhh shiiiiit. I'm looking at my guitar leaning on the wall & and am completely blown away at how THERE they are, yet i can FEEL what they're made of. I feel like I'm being part of or becoming part of the wall & guitar combo. This is something I have never felt before and could never even imagine i could feel this way.
The movie's too much for us, Z and I retreat to my bedroom (which is actually just an alcove, doesn't even have a door. So I hung up trippy white curtains). We kiss and as I close my eyes I'm falling and floating in a world that's made completely of love & warmth & peace & safety. "HAHA, this feels exactly like a movie!!!" I yell at him with this crazy euphoric feeling rushing up my throat. I feel my whole body vibrating with euphoria, everything is giving off this beautiful soft golden glow & Z is so fucking adorable smiling at me with his pupils all huge & "this REALLY feels like a fucking movie!" it really does. that moment in time, as we stood there bathed in euphoric psychedelic warmth, really did feel like it was being broadcasted on a huge screen to millions of people. It should have been... it has to be a movie... ahhh...
Waves of the trip are beginning to intensify. Almost imperceptible waves, which probably means I'm peaking soon... (back then, I neither knew that nor cared but after tripping I had almost an obsession with the mystery of magic mushrooms). Z and I are laying the the bed, bodies close together, I ask him "do you like it?" and he says "yea I like it" and this HUGE wave of happiness is washing over me. We're laughing about... something... damn. Laughing feels fucking AMAZING... refreshing. Tracing my fingers down Z's arm, I stop on this red and black peace skull tattoo on his inner forearm. The skin is so soft... i look closer, and the red in the tattoo is moving like a fucking RIVER!!! I blink my eyes and now the red is running around like millions of tiny crazy ants. These ants are dispersing into his skin, turning it alive, then into everything. Everything feels like it's breathing one breath, it's all connected, it's all moving together. Out of no where I start getting a strange panicky feeling building up and quickly try to dispel it; those feelings could be the beginning of a bad trip... I'm staring at my dark brown ceiling and the patterns in it are doing INSANE things... they almost look like squirming flashing neon lights that you'd see in Vegas or some shit. I stare harder at the patterns and suddenly, A perfect, brown Elvis head emerges like a blooming flower from the flashing patterns and my eyes bulge out; suddenly hundreds of his heads are COVERING my ceiling "holy fuck it's Elvis!!!" i shot up out of bed and went into the other room, the panicky feeling shooting higher every time i looked at something new. I looked out the window at the snow covering everything and the spindly naked trees dissolving into the sky... I start shivering uncontrollably. I throw myself back down on the bed with Z, he says he's laying down because he "doesn't like it" as much when he's standing up or moving around, so i know that at this point his trip is starting to go haywire too. Hopelessness washes over me and i begin bawling, it feels like the tears are being torn from my heart and the shaking is getting worse. Z asks me what's wrong, and I just say "All I want is to fucking go outside... and I CAN'T... because it's too cold......." the shaking got horrible & I asked Z if he was cold, he was like "nooo... I mean I can't tell" yup, fried. Suddenly Z scoops the remainder of my shroom pile into his hand & dumps it in his mouth, including the most POTENT looking piece which was a white stalk with this bright fucking blue BULB thing on the end of it. We still say to this day that "bulb thing" is what sent him into another world. The shaking is too much for me, it's making me panic, and now on the verge of having a panic attack I'm saying "why the FUCK am i shaking it's all in my head all in my head all in my head... NO." then i yell "STOP!!!" and suddenly i get thrown through a tunnel and I see myself standing in a white dress on the other side of the room, looking warm, and i feel completely sober for a second, and then the tunnel closes up and I'm not shaking anymore... mind. fuck.
Now Z's tripping major balls, he suddenly shoots straight up from the bed and grabs his hair & yells "FUCK I don't like this, what the FUCK I am tripping so....." then shakes his head and goes into the other room. I do too and am suggesting we go look outside for a minute, because maybe we've just been in here too long. I open my apartment door and our two fucked up, blanket-wrapped bodies stood there laughing and making sounds of awe at what we were seeing. it was too much. we had to go inside, the intensity of the outside was sucking the life out of us! (yea... what the fuck right?) Z's going into the other room to look in the mirror (which he said he wasn't gonna do... HAAA have fun) and now i'm pulling back the curtains, looking out the window......... at a FUCKING MAN JUST STANDING THERE ANGLED RIGHT AT MY APARTMENT. "Z there's a dude!!!!" I scream and now he's stumbling into the room i'm in, lookin' like hell. Now the man is walking slowly right... fucking... towards us. I'm freaking the fuck out & start jumping around like a rabbit because all this zappy energy is putting me on an edge I've never felt before. sitting down in this chair... actually the only fucking chair in my apartment. and Z comes over. He just keeps looking at me and I can see the pain in his eyes; his trip is much more intense than mine. Every two minutes, I feel a wave of death coming over me, just too much emotion for me to handle. My emotions are going to kill me... in the next wave... "FUCK" Z jumps up and grabs at his hair & his eyes look fucking wild. "I don't like this" as soon as the words are falling from his lips, I'm falling into a deep state of panic. My mouth trembling and attempting a smile I say "I like it..." and instantly the atmosphere in the room changes. Z calms down and smiles & I smile and close my eyes and it feels SO good...... and now am crying. Hard. Holding onto this boy and crying so hard that we can both feel it ripping at us. He's trying not to cry, (or maybe he did a little? I can't remember exactly there) and I suddenly realize that I've never been close to someone like this. holding onto them & them holding onto me, needing from me exactly what i need from them. and I instantly realized how fucking much i loved this kid. I could feel it coming out of me & trying to reach his mind, I told him so many times in that chair that It would be okay, & in my head added "i love.....you....wow" I've been severely depressed for years now, and in the past couple I've noticed everything dulling... couldn't feel SHIT anymore. All I could feel was the hurt that kept coming from everyone I knew... except for this boy. The shrooms showed me a beautiful selfless side of love. In a single moment I had to decide that I trusted him and wanted to heal his hurt inside. I called him baby... ever since then baby has been his name for me. Out of no where, it just comes out of me, I tell him i feel like we're dating (or together, in love, whatever you call in) and he hesitates for a second but then relaxes and says "me too".
All I'm feeling from the shrooms now is the intense and painful emotional waves and a starting series of strange, psychotic thoughts. I'm completely freaked about the fact that we've just been sitting in my apartment for hours, just feeling things going on inside our heads. THIS ISN'T NORMAL!!! (duh, you're under the influence of a powerful psychedelic, but the drugged mind doesn't realize that as clearly) Z's experiencing the same, he's pacing the room with his eyes looking CRAZY, occasionally saying in a panicked voice "FUCK i don't like this". Every time he would say "i don't like this", i would whisper or think to myself "I like it..." and a shaky smile would creep up and I'd feel okay for a second again. Now Z's sitting in a fucking corner, rocking back and forth, talking about something that I have no idea about (I don't really remember, it was probably trip-induced gibberish because he was tripping NUTSACK) Every time a wave hits me, I have to grimace and i just think "well you did this to yourself... all you can do is ride it out and try to remember" I'm still feeling like I'm part of the walls. Z's telling me that he's considering trying to fly off the balcony, because "I could just do anything right now!!! I wanna die, fuck I don't like this" Finally we decide, with wide eyes, that "yea, yea we definitely need to call a sober person RIGHT NOW yea, yea... call them" and so Z calls his bud dealer/friend. We're babbling on and on and on about "how fucking hard we're tripping and that we don't think we're gonna make it and that it would be fucking rad if he could PLEASE COME OVER RIGHT NOW BECAUSE WE'RE FUCKING DYING!!!!" He said "okay okay guys, calm down you'll be fine I'll uh, i'll be on my way." he never showed up... in retrospect, he wouldn't have made the situation any better anyways. Probably just would've asked what we were seeing and then laughed at how fucked up we were.
After this it's fuzzy for awhile; the next thing I remember is finally gaining the strength to rise from the chair and stumble to the mirror to look at myself. Absolute fucking HELL. My hair is insane and i'm all sweaty and greasy and my pupils are taking over my entire iris. "holy fuck, HAHAHA!" Z comes in and looks in the mirror beside me, looking better than he has in several hours. I suddenly have a completely sober moment, "whoaaa dude, I'm definitely coming down, like I think I'm almost down now..." but as soon as I utter the words, the weird feelings creep right back up and smack me again. At this point I'm seriously thinking that maybe I'm gonna be like this forever, because it's been six hours and we're still tripping. I'm sure smoking the ENTIRE half ounce of Sour Diesel bud had lots to do with prolonging the trip... but i mean hey, they were hydro shrooms. My mind's spiraling in despair as it's getting later and later, and the waves still keep coming... yea... but no wait, they're not as bad now that I think about it. "What else is there besides this shroom world? this world is made up of feelings and soul and truth and mystery and knowledge, all just waiting for the yearning soul to find them... it's a dream world, until you let panic take over. Never fight the drug, or substance, whatever it is. If you fight it, it fights you and you LOSE. But what is there besides this fight? Tonight... fuck. Tonight we're going to the hookah bar. " this single thought of the hookah bar saved my soul, which felt like it was being torn apart by darkness. Instantly i felt energized and a brightness took onto everything. I literally felt my soul be pulled from the edge of death. "We're going to the hookah bar later, remember!!" i yell at Z.
After that we really did come down. We laid in my bed for a couple hours and listened to some chill and pretty cool punk-ish type music (weird trip playlist selection, i know... but that's the shit Z's into). During this time, we were almost communicating telepathically......... we'd be laying there, completely quiet, and i would get a random thought from Z in my head. and i'd answer the thought in my head. then we'd look at each other & smile... Shrooms are truly magic.
We ended up going to a donut place to get some donut holes, weren't really hungry but since the mushrooms were all we'd eaten that day... we figured food would help us come down as well. Being inside that fucking donut shop was like being in hell. There was a hellish red tint to everything, and the eyes of all the people inside looked like the eyes of straight up demons. I was definitely still tripping, mildly at least. While we were waiting in line, Z suddenly said "I can't do this, fuck i'll be in the car" and he quickly left. "can i help you....... HELLO" the lady behind the counter said to me. I make eye contact with her and instantly see her entire soul, her entire life, her entire HER-ness in those cold grey eyes. The soul in those eyes was not a friendly one. So i quickly purchased my donut holes from Satan & went back to the car... Z ate one donut hole, then took a bite of another one and just looked at me with a strange look on his face. i was just rotating my donut hole in my fingers, no desire to eat it arising in me at fucking alllllll. "What's the point of people making so many different types of food..." i'm telepathically asking this donut hole. I look at Z "dude I can't eat this shit right now. let's just go to the hookah bar."
So that was my first trip on shrooms...... after the donut shop trip nothing else too trippy really happened. Obviously I didn't end up going into work; I called my manager mid-peak and told them i was "very sick" HAHA. There's much, much more that I could include in here, but I think I've typed about enough now lol. Pre-trip, I had sort of had the amateur expectations of really cool visual effects, like complete hallucinations and shit. and feeling "trippy and happy and groovy" you know, how those magic mushroom posters make it seem. Shrooms are literally just a complete mind fuck. They'll show you so many new things about people and life, but it can get VERY scary. Z and I are still together, I'm madly the fuck in love with that boy, the shroom trip we had together brought us so close together and formed a permanent almost tangible bond between us. I've been trying to get my hands on more boomers ever since... I'm determined to have a good trip the next time. Or at least not to have a bad trip.
1. we listened to no music until the end of the trip... major no no. with music i'm sure the panicky-ness would've been much less
2. we didn't see a single other person during the intensest 6 hours of the trip... it was like we were living in our own new little private shroom world and even though it was terribly frightening it was terribly wonderful at the same time.
3. I was especially impacted, and still am when i think about it, about how the phrases "I don't like it" and "I like it" had such a huge impact on our trips. it would literally change the whole atmosphere of the trip when one of those phrases was uttered.
I think everyone should trip at least once in their life, it truly is an eye opening experience. And a HUGE thrill lol I loved it. fucking hated it but FUCKING loved it.
happy trippin' shroomers ;)
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