Letting go of worries.

This was my 4th time dropping psilocybin cubenesis, coincidentally it was a 4g dose. 

The first time was 2.8g of an unknown cubes strain with my best friend and I have an absolute blast despite having to help him overcome numerous control loops. I would rate this as a high level 2 trip that lasted a LONG time. This first experience, which I will most likely detail in another report was everything I expected from reading and more. After this point, I knew what I had to do. I ordered spore syringes and started a shotgun style BRF cake grow with spores thanks to thehawkseye.  

During incubation I acquired another unknown strain of cubes, but, my 2nd trip was a failure as I tried to make a 2.5g tea but ended up using too much heat. 

Fast forward 6 weeks and I had just under and ounce of sweet, dry home cultivated cubes ready to go. The 3rd trip was a low 2g dose to test it's properties. Once I had confirmed that they were a success. (spent an hour outside in a swing completely blown away by the beauty of the world while staring at the night sky)  I knew that I was time to really dive into my own consciousness. 

I waited a week after my 2g dose before I went again. 

I waited until 7PM before I started making a lemon tek, I measured out 4g on the nose and then threw in the dried aborts from the bottom of my bag. Unfortunately, I did not have a coffee grinder at this time so I used my herb grinder and ended up with small chunks. I dumped the 4 grams of magic into a smooth glass and then I squeezed a full lemon into the glass just enough to submerge the shroom material. After stirring it for about 15 minutes I added some orange juice and was ready. 

Getting this concoction down was a struggle since I had to chew up all of the little chunks of shrooms but in about 15 minutes I was done with it. At this point I went outside and sat down in a chair, I starting breathing deeply for a few minutes to wash out any stress or negativity that was lingering. At this point I start to feel my teeth and limbs shaking a knew that I was in for a treat. 

Before hand I had decided I was going to experience the upswing while listening to The Division Bell by Pink Floyd, so I mozied my way back inside to my room, lit incense, turned out my lava lamp, closed the shades, grabbed my laptop and donned my headphones. I laid back on my bed which was freshly washed and found a completely comfortable position. Once I had myself situated I starting playing the album, laid my head into my pillow and closed my eyes. 

As the first track began I could sense my mind in a completely empty state, ready to receive the gift of awareness that was to come. I keep my eyes closed as I began to notice fragments of color flying across, first they came as lines, then waves, and slowly progress to mirror the music. By the time "Poles Apart" queued on I could feel all weight being lifted from my body and I started to convulse in the most wonderful ways to the amazing sounds pouring into my head. I felt the meaning of it all, slowly my closed eye visuals began to get intense as my ego truly succumbed to the beauty of it not just the music, but the astist ability of humanity to produce such purely spiritual noise. 

I don't know exactly how long I kept my eyes closed or how long I stayed in this state but I remember falling into fits of laughter as my body started to disconnect from my mind and moved  on it's own accord. It was as if my body was tranced and was an extension of what I was listening to. Eventually, I opened my eyes and immediatly I knew I was loopy. The walls and door frame were gently swaying back and forth while the red light on the ceiling from the lava lamp continually morphed between many shades of red, orange, and yellow. The grain of the wood on my dresser in front of my bed was dancing, ebbing, and flowing in such glorious ways that I couldn't help but started laughing manically as I came upon the realization that I wasn't turning back now. 

I spent what felt like an eternity alternating between listening to Pink Floyd with my eyes closed and sitting up and giggling at how funny everything was. At one point I was gliding my hands over the comforter and couldn't get over the valleys and ridges my movements created in the fabric. There came a point where I knew I had to change environments. So I ventured outside at what was about 8pm on a June night. Immediately the expanse of my environment awed me and I started dancing around and talking to the squirrels, birds, and other critters scurrying about. 

One particular pigeon was watching me and when I caught it's stare it morphed into the tree branch it was sitting on and I lost it in laughter. I shake my head and things were clear again for a moment, I approached the bird but it flew away which suddenly filly me with a sadness, I pleaded for it to come back for a minute but I got over it and made my way to the fully grown pine tree. I spent the next 10 minutes mesmerized by the valleys in the barks as they moved back and forth up and down. I started picking off little bits of the bark for some reason and was having a blast. At one point I noticed that my hands were sticky and felt the jabs of panic come screeching for the great beyond. I looked up and realized that I had been playing with this tree yet it was covered in sap. 

At first I almost started to loose it, but, then it didn't matter as I noticed a tiny spider web moving in the breeze. I just watched as the little guy wove more and more web together, creating this beautiful piece of art that was also going to be the demise of many unfortunate insects. Then I began to ponder the duality of nature, how ironic it was that some of the most amazing creatures were also some of the most deadly. I stuck to this thought process for a long time before I raised my hand up and noticed that it was moving in all sorts of weird ways. I spent another 5 minutes just admiring all the cracks in my skin before it came back to me that I had tree sap all over me. I made my way into my bathroom. I was over my clothes and threw them to the furthest corner I could. I jump in the shower  and started scrubbing every ince of my body.

At this point I began to get into serious thoughts as all the people I've ever met starting cycling through my head. I began to obsess over everyone I've wronged but luckily I never spent too much time on a single entity. I thought of people i knew with health issues and reflected back to my first trip in which I had realized that everything is related and that the mother of all has a plan. Everything is started from dust and all will end up there. 

After this it is still fragments but I remember laying back in my bed as my senses starting pouring in. Things were all mixed up and yet at the same time it all made sense and I hit a high point where I was crying about the wonders of life and how amazing it is that this planet is populated by so much life. I somehow ended up in the bathroom again, at which point I began battling all of my inhibitions. I spend the remainder of my trip in there just breaking down all of the things that I needed to change and at one point I reached a point of loneliness beyond loneliness and just wanted to hug everyone and everything in my life. 

The come down was smooth and easy, but left my mind racing until about 1AM. I came to 1 conclusion after my battles in the bathroom and that was that there are no more excuses. Since this trip I have made strides to improve many aspects of small isues that had been weighing me down. 

All and All this was a very visual trip and I am glad I went with the 4G dose. I do believe that being as this was my first attempt with this amazing fungi that it was not a potent as it could be so as with everything else I hope to improve eventually take heroic 5g doses such as the great Terrence McKenna.

-Hazy