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first trip

unknown amount, modified lemon tek

the dosage for this trip was unknown, i didn't have a scale. i had two mediumish amazon cubes with thick stems about the size of my palm when fresh, one abort, and one tiny premature cube no bigger than the size of my fingernail. i mixed them in a blender with a packet of emergenc-e, which is a powder supplement with 1200mg antioxidants, about 2 tbsp lemon juice, and some ice. the ice ended up melting before i could blend it because i had to rush my cat to the animal hospital after he came inside the house bleeding from an animal fight. i add this part because it might have had some effect on the potency having sat there for about an hour. 
my boyfriend andre picked me up and i went home and blended in the ice, and drank it like a shot. i didn’t taste the mushrooms at all, the mixture was just very concentrated and sour. andre then drove me to his house. during the car ride, the only thing i noticed was that the trees seemed a little bit more alive, or important to pay attention to. i dont know whether to attribute this to searching for something to already be happening, or the actual effects of the cubes. the car ride about about 15 minutes and about  10 minutes after i got inside his house, it really hit me. at first everything was just really funny. i was sitting at his kitchen counter, he was writing a fathers day card, and his brother was standing there talking to me. i would start laughing for long periods of time and for no reason. his brother left the room cause i think he was weirded out. i was looking around their kitchen and the things on top of their cabinets started shaking slightly, but i referred to it as dancing. they had this little wire wine bottle holder shaped like a french man, and it looked like he started dancing with it. i focused on the stubble on andre’s face and all the individual hairs started dancing. after he finished the card, he went to his car to get rave gloves to give me a light show later on. when he came back into the kitchen, he found me on the ground sniffing a container of catnip that i had found. i had seen it sitting on a stool by the door when i fell on the ground laughing. i grabbed it and unscrewed the top because i thought i was a cat, and the catnip would make me extra high. when i sniffed it, my vision went kaleidascope for a second and then it faded.
he came back inside and we decided we were going to go outside. i made some kava and st johns worth tea (kava because it has always enhanced drugs in my experience, and st johns worth because i read that it is a mild MAOI). we walked outside and i wandered into the forest in his backyard. i didnt have shoes on and my feet sank into the mud but i wasnt grossed out at all. i eventually walked back to his porch where andre was sitting and having a cigarette and i sat in the chair next to him, but not for very long. i was soon fascinated by the “faces” in the wood of his deck. i got down really close to them to inspect them, and his cat walked up to me. i got really close to the fur on his back. his shades of grey were taking on lots of different colors and i thought i was looking into an ocean. i stared into it for a good 10 minutes, and got kind of sleepy because of it, so i closed my eyes. behind my eyes lids was an even better fascination, this incredible light show of different colors and patterns. eventually i got back in the chair to finish my tea, and then i had to go to the bathroom. when i walked by andre’s chair, i went to kiss him, and when i closed my eyes the lightshow started again, but i felt like i could see his face in the light show, and i told him his lips were rainbow. when i walked to the bathroom, i had the coordination of a drunk and time seemed slowed down. looking at myself in the mirror was kind of spooky, my pupils were dilated and i felt like there was something hiding in their blackness. i could have stared into my eyes for hours but i left to go back outside. 
when i came out, andre had turned on techno and i sat infront of a potted aloe vera plant on his deck and put my face really close to it. i watched the lightshow behind my eyes and i was able to hear what color the songs were so clearly. his cat walked up and rubbed against me, and we both stretched out in the sunlight. andre brought me more tea and layed down with us. we sat listening to the music for a while and i would tell him “this song is yellow,” or “this song is purple and black” and he would say, “is that good?” and i would be so confused by the concept of “good” and “bad” because things weren’t good or bad, they simply were. during a song that was red and black, with my eyes closed i felt like i could see a black cat inside of me, and its presence was slightly sinister and dangerous. i said to andre, “i think there’s an animal inside of me. i think it’s a black cheetah.” he got me to calm down and stop talking about it, and he changed the song to something more cheery.
we eventually moved into some chairs in the shade. i was very uncomfortably hot. i started talking about a need to “be inside of water.” he was very confused by this so i went on to describe how it’s like being underwater, but then you go inside of the water. so he brought me a glass of water and i had this intense desire to pour it on my head. i moved onto the grass so i wouldnt get it on his patio and did so. time was definitely moving in slow motion now so when the water dropped it slowly fell down my skin. after i sat back down, i started talking about how i hated words. throughout the trip i became extremely frustrated trying to describe things to andre and having him not understand. i tried to kiss him to make him understand what i was trying to say, and i saw the kaleidoscopes again, but then there was this zooming feeling and the lightshow zoomed up really close to me and became 3-D and my lips went numb. i jumped back in shock and after that both my hands and my face were numb. i didn’t like that sensation because when we would kiss it would just feel really fuzzy on where my lips should be and very warm. i couldnt perceive wet at all. eating and drinking became uncomfortable because i would chew it in my mouth but i couldn’t feel it. 
touching things also became annoying, my hands were numb and when i’d run my fingers through my hair it was as if my hair was too sharp and it was hurting my hands. i asked andre multiple times if i could cut my hair off. i tried to find something soft to run my hands on but everything was too “sharp.” the chair was too scratchy, even touching my hands together was too much. i started babbling about want to touch nothing, just to float. but of course this couldnt be achieved so for this part of the trip (that mostly lasted for the rest of it) i was very uncomfortable (has anyone experienced this or know how it could be stopped??)
to try and distract me from the sensations, andre took me to his “chill” room to give me a light show. laying down on the bed was uncomfortable because everything was so sharp, but it was only sharp when you were moving, and once you got settled it stopped being sharp. he straddled above me and the lights went off and he started gloving to techno. it distracted me from the feelings mostly and was amazing to watch.  
after that we went back outside. when i walked i felt very lethargic and in slow motion and i didn’t like that, but that was probably i had only eaten toast in the morning and not very much else. it was about 5 in the afternoon and there were lots of clouds over the sun. andre went to take a phone call and i layed down on the grass to watch the clouds. i saw them twirling like looking at a kaleidoscope and it was beautiful. at one point i tried to stand up but it was so slow that i just sat back down. i was convinced i had just turned back time and did it again but it didn’t work the same way. when i was waiting for him to come back, i started thinking about the meaning of life. i became very excited because i felt that i had just discovered it and needed to share it with him, but by the time he did come back, i had forgotten.
his big dogs came outside and i watched the same type of patterns in their fur, but it wasn’t as enjoyable as the first time because i was still focusing on the weird feelings of sharpness from the grass all around me. i kept trying to get used to it but it wouldnt go away. my lips were still numb and drinking water was the weirdest thing ever. i couldnt feel it on my lips, but i could feel it in certain places in my mouth and then i could follow it down my throat. 
after we went inside, i started eating some pretzels but the same thing happened where i’d put it in my mouth and wouldnt feel it until it touched certain places. i was also afraid i’d chew off my fingers, because i couldnt distinguish between pretzel and finger, and of course my fingers were still numb as well. after this point, some people came over that i hadnt met before. i continued eating and trying to get over the numb feeling. the visuals were mostly gone but still there when i closed my eyes. we sat at their table outside, and andre was catching up with old friends. i had the suspicion that everyone there didn’t like me so i didn’t say anything and just listened to them talk which was nice too. andre and a friend of his went to the park to smoke and i walked with them. the visuals were only still there when i looked at something of solid color, but the way i look at trees and shit now is forever changed. they smoked a few bowls, i didn’t feel like his friend wanted me smoking with the so i didn’t but gladly would have, and we walked back. the sun was mostly set, and after his friend satisfied his munchies, they drove me home. the numb feeling disappeared at the park and i was able to kiss andre again. while we were driving i saw a few flashes of light in the sky that no one else caught. when i got home i was with my parents and tried to act normal, but standing up would still give me rushes of the drunk walk feeling and slow motion moving. i attributed this to not having eaten real meals and made myself dinner. i then sat on the trampoline in our backyard, watching the last of my visuals fade on the night sky. 
overall i loved this experience and i want to do it again. one thing i would like to avoid next time though, is that weird sharp feeling. one thing i would have done differently during the trip is not focus on trying to explain what was happening and just enjoying it c: hopefully next time i'll have a scale, but i never really will know how much i took this time.

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