The other night I decided to try a higher dose. Having previously done 15 gram, this time I took 30 gram with some MAOI and weed for the stomach. It was an intense experience so I want to document it here.
I felt a little anxious but excited so I just ate them slowly. After 5 minutes they were down in 4 'bites'. To my surprise only the first tasted disgusting. Washing it down I prepared by putting on music, comfortable cloths, nice light for the come-up, phone on plane-mode and food and water on hand. As I was anticipating the come up I played some game but when the body high started coming up I wanted to relax so I went to my comfortable trip nest next to the window with the lights and TV on. I sat down next to the window, the music was making me feel relaxed and the shadows started slowly moving. The ceiling became all kaleidoscopic and intricate. The movement became somewhat overwhelming so I took a look through the window, standing up to put my face to the window, it was dark out and light inside. The highway looked mirrored at several places and there were some odd patterns in the ways the cars were moving together. As my legs became shaky I sat down looking at myself in the window. Feeling so proud of who I'm becoming having found new people and goals. I looked so lovely and warm. This went on for a while but then I lay down under the blanket. The dust on the floor started to change into insect wings and moss. The room became so white it felt soothing.
But now it was time to enter. I turned of the light and soon I was crawling a giant forest and shooting through the universe as a tiny particle to a far destination of grave importance. The journey there convinced me I was part of a fractal. This knowledge was both wonderful and frighting. Infinitely small, what was my role? I was shown life across times and realized the decadence we live in. This made me feel I should pursuit my dreams. They aren't to clear yet but that is exciting. All these me's I saw the ones I liked had made really made something special of himself. I can be this person if I learn to trust myself. This was a bit of a frightening experience but it inspired me. Overwhelmed with all this I soon panicked and realized I was hallucinating. I just had to sit it out. The imagined lives of my parents passed my and I felt a new love for them both. But in my panic I wondered what I did in my trip. Was I still in my room? I felt lost and stuck. Time felt long, was I stuck? Did I go insane? Where was I? This took quite a while. I was looking at myself from other perspectives and felt I became their persons near me. Slowly calming down and finding things I recognized and realized who I was again I started coming down. Feeling stuck in loops of thoughts and sights and things I knew and remembered more things from where I was and what has happened. I just wanted to fall asleep. It took me quite a while to get calm enough to get there. It was after I took a long and contemplative shower and sunrise that I could get enough rest. After a good long sleep I felt fresh and confident. Happy it was finally over and knew who I was now.