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Possible mild ego death?

my great first trip

So this is my first trip report about my first trip.  As a little background, me and my best friend were talking about doing shrooms for a while.  one night we got them but i wasnt able to do them because of some family things i wont get into, they're irrelevant.  so that night my friend tried them but only took .7gs, so he didnt really trip he said, so i guess this was both of our first trips, obviously im only talking about mine since i didnt live his.  last time i was nervous at the thought of trying them for the first time, so maybe it just wasnt the right time for me to take them since the stuff happened where i wasnt able to, but who knows.  i was nervous because i was diagnosed with depression before and i read about how people with depression need to be more careful than any normal people and all that stuff people read online which is probably very true for some people.  but this time i wasnt nervous at all and wanted to so instead of splitting an 1/8th with 4 people me and him had 1.5gs each and gave his sister .5 just so it was even for the two of us.

So to the actual trip, we ate the shrooms at about 5 o clock.  after a little bit, not very long at all since i was on an empty stomach, i started getting a little bit of the giggles.  My friend was experiencing the trip at about the same rate i was, i think i may have been going through it a little quicker since im smaller and a faster metabolism and stuff, but just so you get a little bit of perspective for what my friends doing.  So the first real thing i felt besides the little giggles and stuff was a feeling in my back.  it was literally like someone was poking my or sliding a finger a little down it, it was small but it happened about 3 times.  me and my friend mark were playing black ops and i said "dude my back feels kinda weird" and he laughs a little and replies something i dont really remember.  but i felt it that time, then i felt it again and it tickled a little so i laughed and said my back feels weird, then it felt like a poke and i moved like someone unexpectedly touched me, it was kinda cool and i moved when i felt it and was like "oh my god" and laughed.  then everything on the tv starting feeling different.  i wasnt really able to play black ops anymore, and mark was feeling it too so we both decided after that match we would stop playing, our plan was to play minecraft and see what we build, but we both couldnt even play minecraft, we were really starting to feel the come up.

So we moved to his couch and put on netflix, started watching blue mountain state.  then the crazy giggles really started, everything was freakin hilarious.  me and mark went through almost a full roll of toilet paper because we were crying so much from laughter, and i had such a crazy head high, i felt like i was at the peak of a weed high, like a crazy weed high, and i smoke a lot of weed so i havent felt something like this in awhile.  the great part was knowing that its just beginning.  so me and mark werent even watching BMS, we were just talking about what we're feeling and laughing at EVERYTHING.  it was crazy, but to save some time for anyone reading more or less we laughed for a good hour and a half or 2 til his sister got home and came in the room, just out of work and really sober.  this is the first time in the trip that i actually stopped laughing and could control myself, and i could see how sober she was, i could feel how she felt and it was awful, i felt so bad for her, so i told her to pack the bong that i was trying to pack for about 45 minutes at that time, and she packed it and that was when we started smoking.  Now mark couldnt stop laughing to take a hit so it took about, i dont know maybe 10 minutes for him to hit it, but it felt like at least a half hour, probably more at the time.  i could control myself enough to take a hit within maybe 5 minutes, which is still a long time to take one hit but still, it wasnt that bad.

So we smoked and talked for a little, and i recorded about 10 minutes of our trip, but mark didnt want me to record so most of it is only audio, which is okay because you hear us laughing and talking about random shit which is so funny to hear again.  But after we smoke i stood up for some reason and faced mark and his sister lindsey just talking to them, and there was a mirror behind me.  so i turned around and saw myself in the mirror, ohhh the lovely mirror.

this is when shit got pretty intense.  I was looking at myself like i was shocked, and i was drawn to the mirror.  i leaned over next to it and looked into my eyes, and i saw how big my pupils were and it startled me for a second so i sat back down on the couch real quick.  I texted my friend that moved to delaware during the summer, and i live in mass so i dont see him anymore, but we text and he comes back up and lives with me every now and then.  and after i texted him, he asked how i was feeling cause he knew i was on shrooms and if i was seeing anything.  and it was before that text that i started to.  mark pointed out how all the colors he sees are so bright, and things are like breathing and moving in waves, we were laughing so hard before that we never really looked at everything.  then when he told me i looked around but didnt see anything, but then i looking at a green sweatshirt on the ground and noticed how bright it was, and i stared at it for like 10 seconds maybe and it started breathing kinda.  it was like moving in waves, it was crazy and i was so happy i was seeing something.  and that when i saw the text from my friend and told him what i was seeing and that i was drawn to the mirror.  so i got back up and looked at myself, and i got close to the mirror again and looked into my eyes, and looked into my pupils, and i felt like i was looking into myself.  it was crazy, i dont know if it was a mild ego death or somehting, but i felt like i was reminiscing on my life, and my past, i felt like i could see everything ive gone through in life, and i stood away and told mark and lindsey how i was feeling, then turned back to the mirror and just said to them "i dont remember who i am."

I was looking at myself and i didnt remember anything, like my mind was completely blank, and if i wanted to think of a memory, i really had to try to think.  but when i thought of it, it was like reliving it, because i didnt remember it and i just rethought it, from a different perspective, anything i tried to think about it was like it happened all over again, and i thought of it from another perspective, it was crazy.  i was in such a good mood, and i was so accepting of everything, then i reflected on myself.  i remembered how i reacted to everything and it was crazy, i realized how negative i am about things, like for no reason ill be so negative and never feel as good as i do when i was on shrooms.  now obviously i wont feel like that sober, but no need to be negative.  i told mark about what i realized, and he didnt understand at first, but eventually i was able to explain it to him.  So after sitting there for a while looking at myself in the mirror and saying "i dont know what i look like" (yea i said that like at least 6 times) i said i have to go into the bathroom.  i went there to look at myself in the mirror, so i could really see myself, and examine myself, i took my shirt off because i couldnt remember what my body looked like, and im not skinny, im pretty muscular, kinda cut, a wrestler and everything weighing 197, so kinda cut, but i was okay with how i looked.  sober i wont be as okay with it but it was all okay, everything was okay.

Now the way i was thinking and how my mind felt i cant even explain everything, looking in the mirror was the peak and i think  i spent most of it looking into the mirror.  there was a point we were listening to music, we switched through all the music choice channels on comcast (500+) and stopped at the rap channels, but moved on in a little, then we got to the dance channel.  holy shit, that music felt crazy, like the beats were crazy, i could feel them flowing through my body, and the more intense the beats got the more excited i felt, but it wasnt just my mind, my body felt excited, i could feel the song flowing though me, it was a great feeling.  there was a point when i was talking to mark and lindsey, which on shrooms i talk really fast, but then the bass dropped in a song and in the middle of a sentence i just yelled "and this song is fucking awesome" and had the biggest smile on my face, it was awesome.  Then after sitting around for a while my friend called asking for a bag of weed, and i felt like i could drive so i brought it to him, and while i was driving i wasnt nervous at all.  i was still seeing brighter colors, and im happy i did go for the drive because i saw how bright signs were, and the color just coming out of the sign and being so bright, what is always just a store sign and a light became an amazing visual and living colors that i was amazed by, i would like to see nature during the day while tripping though.  and when we got back to his house later we just laid down and watched BMS until i went home around 11 PM.

my mind was so clear, and thinking of everything from that perspective was amazing.  i can say shrooms is one of the best things i have ever tried before, i feel better sober now.  my lifes been kind of falling apart, but i dont feel like it is anymore.  ive been happier, i havent felt like i need to smoke as much weed, and when i do smoke its like a mini trip.  like i used to have a very hazy high, like cloudy mind and just the giggles, but now i get very focused and chill, it just opens my mind more than it used to, but its nothing like shrooms.  for my second trip i wanna take at least 2.5gs, and ill do it with mark again and he will do the same.  the reason i took the shrooms was so i could help myself, so it could help me with the depression and give me the time to think that i needed, which this was a great first trip.  I didnt accomplish everything i wanted to with the trip which is why i wanna do it again, but it was definitely one of the best first trips i couldve had, a nice way to ease myself into the world of psychedelic drugs, which i now know is an amazing world, and an amazing tool to use if it can be used correctly.  ive just felt like sharing my experience for anyone new to shrooms, just as a positive to someone who was nervous before, but had one of the best times of their lives.  Im interested in anything anyone wants to say about my trip or what they think of me trying 2.5gs next time, like how much more intense that would be, and if that was a mild ego death i had or if it was just me trippin lol.

Thanks for reading!

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