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The Beauty of Being
For the past few months, I have
recently been trying to attain a higher level of consciousness, of being. In
our current time, the dysfunctional human mind is dominated by
compulsive thinking. Think about it for a second, and you'll realize that most of us, are totally identified with our thought processes and find it difficult to just 'be in the moment', feeling that silence within, instead of being controlled by that 'voice in the head'. All i have been trying to do is find a few moments in the day where i can just exist above and beyond those thoughts and feel the aliveness of being [These ideas are from the author Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now and A New Earth - I highly recommend these books if anything I've said has resonated with you] . Psilocybin mushrooms have been advocated by many as a tool to ascend to a higher level of consciousness; one of these advocates, the author and ethnobotanist Terence McKenna [Food of the Gods, The Archaic Revival - For anyone with a deeper interest in Mushrooms, DMT, Ahyuasca; great reads] explains how the mushroom can break through years of mind conditioning and cultural restraints and truly test the limits of your ego and beyond. After a mind-opening experience last winter with some wet psilocybe atlantis, i was now ready for the next step. I have recently undergone some significant changes in my life that I have been resisting and just not letting go, accepting what is, and i felt that this experience could help me overcome (or at least become conscious of) some of these ego-manifested attributes.
McKenna advises that the best way to take shrooms is in complete darkness and experience them from within, so that is how i decided to do begin. I decided I would just go with the flow and energy of the shrooms throughout the trip and just do what I felt was best for me to do. It was 6.45pm and the house was empty. I filled 2 large glasses with water, made some camomile tea and took them upstairs to my bedroom. I brought out 2.5-3grams of dried Cubensis (no scales to weigh) and prepared myself for the disgusting taste I had encountered with the wet Atlantis a few months before. Surprisingly, they did not taste bad at all, quite good actually, almost like regular supermarket mushrooms and i decided not to eat the dried figs i had as not to interfere with the trip. I drank my tea as I rolled a joint, closed the curtains to make my room as dark as possible (it was a warm, sunny day) and just lay back on my bed with my eyes closed, quietly excited for the effects to transpire.
I felt a small pang of nausea 10 mins it but this subsided quickly, as opposed to my last experience where i projectile vomitted all over the bathroom. After approximately 25 mins i felt something and opened my eyes; my first visuals were kicking in; my curtains seemed to be merging together and vibrating at the same time, it was a subtle gentle flow of visuals and i was enjoying it; i closed my eyes again and laid back down. I continued to visualise different indescribable shapes and vibrations, but i didnt feel like they needed to be defined. Waves of some form of positive energy were overcoming me and a permanent smile was plastered on my face. i looked at my hands as they seeemed to vibrate; it was subtle, as if i could now see the energy field of my body. I started to take down notes of my experience and the pen was flowing effortlessly over the page and my terrible handwriting even improved, as if i had found some new found gift in writing. However, i felt some sort of energy telling me not to focus on that and just be in the moment so i stopped. I lay down a little while longer, just feeling the vibrations going through my body. After a short period, i felt as if i needed to be somewhere else, as if my feet wanted to take me somewhere else to continue this trip; i was drawn outside as it was a sunny, beautiful day. I grabbed the joint i had rolled and headed downstairs but again my feet took me to my 2 pet geckos. I was holding them for my ex-girlfriend since she had moved away and i had always had this irrational fear of touching them or attempting to pick them up. I love animals and nature but i was simply not able to do much more than take care of them from a distance. I looked at the front of the vivarium tank and saw one of the geckos pressed up against it; neither of them had ever done that before so perhaps she felt some kind of energy flow or something; i dont know. It looked like the glass separating me from them was not there and i tripped out a little but got over it quickly; perhaps it was a sign of a breakdown of barriers, again im not sure. I just sat there watching them for about 10 mins, not thinking much, just being with them; they seemed to respond by acting calmer and i decided to slowly open the front of the tank and place my hand near one of them to see if it would respond; i just sat there and after a while she just turned away and went into her gecko cave. I sensed that i wasn't ready to do more than that and neither were they, and i totally accepted that.
I left the house, heading towards the park which was a 5 minute walk away. the combination of the sun, birdsong, neighbours flowers and plants was just amazing; the colours stood out even more than before and i just couldnt stop smiling; i was having so much fun. I took my time walking and taking everything in, and my thoughts really were limited; i was feeling my surroundings more than i was thinking about them and it felt great; this was the joy of being! I started to think that if this state i was in was labelled as high, crazy, delusional then we were so broken as a society; i felt that this is how we should feel all the time, because being in the moment and feeling instead of thinking is so much better! As i entered the park, there is this panoramic view of the trees, sky, clouds in front of you and seeing that just brought me to a stop. I could feel a powerful stillness and i really felt a deep connection with my surroundings, The colours of the sky, about an hour before sunset were breathtaking and the birdsong was the best music i could ever listen to. I began walking and after a few minutes just felt like i should sit next to some trees, away from the footpath..I began to think that i might look weird to some kids who were in the nearby play area but i didnt care one bit. The water i drank tasted so fresh and good and i was still smiling at the beauty of it all. I got up after a while and made my way past more trees and a small stream; i got to a small football field and decided to just lay in the middle of it and stare up at the sky. The colours were vibrating more vividly now and the orange, yellow, blue and violet colours were really something, I took out the joint and lit it; it felt so good and the smoke was beautiful in itself, so sharp and clear against the background. I felt the effects intensfying but i just lay on my back and enjoyed the ride. I felt so drawn to the energy the sky was giving off and the colours started to vibrate and even bounce at this point. i was reaching the peak of the trip; a small part of me was saying ' you've gone too far, look what you've done, youre out of your mind' but i recognized that as my ego and maintained a sense of calm as best as i could. I headed over to a bench and just sat there, watching the colours of the sky intensifying in their purpleness. Planes flew overhead from the nearby airport and for some reason i thought of UFO's at that point. The lights of the planes were still beautiful and they were a joy to watch. Objects around me began to merge into each other a little and i decided to just go home as i wasnt feeling entirely comfortable being outside with such strong effects. I felt as if my legs werent attached to my body, as if they were transporting me back home, and it definitely was the closest thing ive felt to an out of body experience. It seemed to remind me that i am not detached in the sense that everything is one and this realization made me even happier. I went home and made myself some food, it tasted great and i really appreciated every bite i took. I started to come down and just went upstairs and relaxed on my bed. As i came down i felt an immense feeling of greater respect to nature, the power and wisdom of the shrooms and of life in general and since then it has made me more alert of when my ego is playing up.
The high was almost gone; i decided to go for a midnight walk to the park again; the stars were out and with the half moon lighting up the sky it was so beautiful. I took the path towards the stream with only the moon lighting my way and went back to the same spot on the field and laid down and just looked up. I was filled with an equal if not even more immense feeling of stillness as before; the best experience ive ever had. The power and beauty of the sky at night was so compelling and i felt like this was the closest ive evr come to being in touch with 'me', my soul/ spirit, whatever you wanna call it. I lit up another joint and just lay there, totally relaxed and immersed in the moment; i could have easily stayed there all night if it was a little warmer. I headed back after half an hour in the field, totally at peace, in a state of total non-resistance. My past changes and 'troubles' were so insignificant and i just felt immense gratitude and love for everything. I had no problems, there never were any problems, it was just mind-created and i was so grateful to the mushrooms for highlighting that fact; really a beautiful experience.
Thanks for reading, Love to all :D