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Amazing Introspective Thought
During the acid trip:
"Dissociation, loss of train of thought.
Major crossing over of sensory recognition. Taste becomes completely unrecognisable, creative thought patterns change from imagery to ridiculous concepts and ideas...
Making sense of the entire experience is difficult thanks to physical effects; blurred vision, shaking hands, dry mouth... All mental recipes for uncertainty and confusion. However the underlying causes behind such "side effects" are that of total, all-enveloping, all-encompassing pleasure and excitement.
Thought patterns are so easily diverted, making it difficult to accommodate a sensible idea; an idea that materialises maybe through art, music or writing, but instead is lost entirely to the self.
When creativity is attempted through the medium of your dexterity in this state, oblivion becomes a certain risk in the back of the mind, but projecting a perception that invites animalistic behaviour to be paramount in that exact same moment. Conversely though, time itself is non-existent; small, immeasurable events run on a cycle and repetition is accidentally discovered. They are not frightening concepts, but more of select meanings that are just adding to a sense of beautiful, chaotic confusion.
Certainly an essence of intellectual capacity does its best to try and makesense of the entire mashing of thoughts, senses and experiences, but having asmall middle ground allows you to taste the best of chaotic confusion, andinversely, the best of exact, organized, absolute infallibilities.
(The blurry vision sometimes brings up frustration andimpulsive movement, in a way to try and escape any possibility of the completeloss of self.)
There seems to be, above anything, a lucid compilation of forgotten knowledge and experiences that shape the information trying to be expressed,and it is taking comfort in knowing that instead of utter oblivion and cognitive dissonance, it is exactly how memories and knowledge want to be manifested.
This report is partitioning in two distinct ways:
-Participating in expressing moods and sensory experience to bring back atrophy from the strange realm once ventured into with a chemical not quite familiar;
-Trying to make sense of an actual previous array of thoughts and concepts of reality that once would have been dismissed as symptoms of puberty and gaining self-awareness, as there is a hope that something other than misinformation and stupidity dictated the perception of your own self in aprevious life.
There seems to be a definite split in perception: Past and present. Futureis indefinite and incomprehensibly distant from expectation and memory.
Past is so infallible, as it dictates exactly what we are as possessive genetic codes travelling in vessels in a never-ending quest for reproduction of its own form, creating copies upon copies of itself.
Present is too vastly uncertain in too many ways to ever express. There's ..."[end]
I think I may have trailed off due to how poor my vision was at the time..Trying to focus on a computer screen to type the trip report whilst actually tripping,was irritating to say the least.
I think I was basically trying to say that the present is merely a grey field of the stitched seam between the past and the future; held together only by the single mind that it is perceived by. Whatever mind you feel is the receiver of the wave of present time, is the sole and exact universal construct of however the prevalence of the present time decides to be; that in itself being the true definition of uncertainly and ambiguity. If the age-old concept of reality is only what is perceived by the single mind that puts the ubiquity of life under investigation is what defines our presence and existence, then the uncertainty is too unfathomably enormous and all-consuming that it simply cannot be understood, by anyone.
This trip was truly a far more introspective and mind-exploring trip over anything else; definitely not a hallucinogenic trip, nor an olfactory/aural trip. I found myself gazing into my own mind and trying to deconstruct my own understanding of my own understanding, which was an incredibly deep, sometimes dark experience, but mostly fascinating and sometimes beautiful. Being that emotions were largely cyclical and ever-changing during the trip, it was a little difficult to accurately hone in on specific ideas of my mind, but there were very broad durations of lucidity in my own explorative adventure, and managed to unlock a few doors into my own mind that I never thought I'd open.