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First Trip on an 1/8th of Shrooms
Experienced ego death alone in my room.
Before my trip I was smoking weed every day for at least a month and I started studying Taoism and got pretty deep into it.
It was about a month ago on a wednesday night. Me and two other friends each got an eighth each for ourselves and they were really potent shrooms. It was sort of a spur of the moment thing and we each took them around 8pm or so. We were all chilling in my dorm room munching on 'em and everything was good as they started to kick in. I had slight visuals after about an hour and colors were very vibrant (which I was used to because I have some experience with acid). Anyway, I went with a friend to smoke a joint on this dark street we always smoke at just off campus and I started to get scared. By the time we were smoking it I started to freak out because the joint was squirming around my fingers like a worm and it was trying to bite me and shit. At that point I just wanted to get back to my dorm when my other friends who I took the shrooms with came up to us and we headed back. I was terrified of crossing the street and I realized that I was starting to have a bad trip.
I started to get that bad trip anxiety and felt really sick. While we were walking I had my hands in my pockets and was trying to feel my phone and was yelling "It's all WORMS, man!" Finally we got back to my room. My friends who I was tripping with went to another dorm and I had another friend keep an eye on my in my room. I just laid down in my bed and had him sit in the room with me. I kept asking him if I was going to be okay. At this point I felt that this trip was WAY more than I bargained for and I just wanted it to be over so I made the terrible mistake of trying to go to sleep. I just wanted to feel normal again. I had the light s turned off and after an hour or so had my friend leave (I'm a dumbass for that). I was just laying in bed with all my clothes on and my hand in my pockets face down and freaking out. I had no concept of time and I tried to look through my texts on my phone to assure myself that I wasn't insane but none of it made any sense to me.
I started to lose my mind I felt like everything in my rooms was mocking me. I took a sip of my water and it didn't seem like the water was running out so I dumped it on my floor and then looked at it and it was still full. I heard knocks on all my walls and my window (on the 2nd floor) and it looked like all these people were walking past my door. At some point I drifted off into my mind and lost all connection with the material world. It was like my soul was flying down this hole of trippy (not good trippy) patterns and fractals and I saw demons and pornography and jokers and all of that demented shit. I couldn't even think at this point or process what was happening. I couldn't tell if I was dead or alive or what dimension I was even in. At some point in my trip I saw myself cut my dick off and bleed out and die. I thought I was dead now and maybe I was in hell because It felt like I was in this place for 90 years or even an eternity and it scared the shit out of me. At some point while I was tripping balls, I had a panic attack. Right before I came back to reality I was on a table looking up at very bright lights and saw a defribulator over me that sparked me back into my dorm room. After I peaked and "died" and started to come back and my senses were just mixed in the craziest way. I felt for my dick and I couldn't feel it and I was in my boxers at this point and I saw deep red blood start to seep through me underwears and then it vanished. I was covered in sweat in my room alone in my bed but I felt like that was just an image that my mind was projecting while I was in the hallway of my dorm covered in blood and puke dying (which thankfully was not the case).
I still felt insane though and still questioned whether I was alive or dead until my buddy who came down at the same time called me on the phone and I asked him if I was alive and he said "yeah man, what happened?" I was okay after that and got up and started cleaning up my vomit and dumped a water bottle full of piss. After I came down I was overwhelmed with emotion and happiness. I was just happy that I wasn't dead and felt like I had a second chance at life. I was really depressed for about two weeks after that trip and on and off even now (it's been about a month). For a while I felt completely depersonalized/derealized and couldn't connect with anything or relate to people or music which made me really depressed because music is my shit. I'm an Audio Production major. I just haven't been able to wrap my head around what happened to me and I can't stop thinking about things like how the universe is infinite and different planes of reality and other dimensions and it's been blowing my mind in a way that I'm not comfortable with. I'm still feeling some of the negative aftereffects of my trip. Any advice for bad trip recovery? Should I trip again in the spring to try and redeem my last trip on mushrooms?
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