First Trip - Amazing Experience

We decided to do them on a Saturday, but I had to work until 5:00. By the time I got to C's place it was nearer to 5:30, and though I live very close by (we are neighbours, not in the same building but about a block apart) I went right to her place and we took a walk to the corner store for orange juice and I bought an ice cream sandwich for later. Since she had first brought them up I had almost a week to read everything I could on the pharmacology of mushrooms, on what to expect, on how bad they taste, on tips for improving your experience. C had never done mushrooms before either, but her boyfriend P had, and would be with us. He was psyching me out a little because he kept looking at them and saying "Oh man, I can't believe I'm doing mushrooms again," and commenting on how horrible they were, though I was unclear on if he'd had a bad trip or didn't appreciate the taste. I went with taste. We went outside to P's car and smoked a j, then I had a cigarette. I was very hesitant to eat them once we got inside because I'd read so many reports of terrible tasting shrooms, and it felt like medicine. I knew I wouldn't like it, but I had to do it, and it was going to make me feel awesome. I hadn't had much to eat that day as I'd read that it could make you sick, so when P asked if I'd eaten because I shouldn't do them on an empty stomach I got a little worried. I don't know my dosage or what type we had (inexperienced and bad at math) but they were huge mushrooms and very dry and I had a cap, a stem, and a bit extra that we'd broken up between the three of us. 

For the record they weren't as bad tasting as I had expected, especially when I added salt to them. I felt like I was eating pistachio shells. I drank orange juice after as I heard it's supposed to enhance, which could be bull but it sure washed them down nicely. I wasn't feeling much at first and was a little disappointed, so we started watching Workaholics. In my high state from the j we had smoked I was very confused on what was happening in the show, and how actors worked, and the whole concept was just beyond my grasp. In retrospect I wished we'd been listening to music instead, and am looking forward to next time when I can control the setting and the mood as we're likely doing them at my place. I can't tell you the exact moment that the drugs hit me but the first thing I noticed was that I could hear myself blinking. Every time I closed my eyes it was like a big swooshing in my brain. I went from nothing to an awesome high, I couldn't focus on the show any more because I just needed to be. I was laying with my head resting on the back of the couch, and C's cat had wormed his way under my head somehow, and all I could think of was how hot the cat was and that there must be something wrong with it, and I got really worried for him. Then, as I sat up to tell C this, I got very cold and realized that his heat was really more of a maternal warmth, and that he had been protecting me this whole time. I kept talking about how confused I was because then I started feeling apart from myself and it tied in with the thoughts I'd had earlier when watching TV. We decided to go out for a smoke and I found it very hard to put my winter boots on. I did, eventually, and we made it to the back door of the apartment building which was very strange on the average day as her home was apparently built by mole people. A lot of up and down on the stairs to get somewhere and three heavy doors each leading in a new direction. We were smoking outside and I blanked. I remember going to open the door but realizing that it wouldn't open because I didn't have keys as this wasn't my place. Then C said to me, "Did you just try to get into my building with no keys and a lit cigarette?" to which I replied, "Yeah, I guess so." I rejoined her and P for a few seconds before returning to do exactly the same thing. I was stuck in a repetitive motion and I felt very zoned out. It wasn't an unpleasent experience, just an odd one. When we were done and I was guided inside, her mole-man hallways tripped me out some and offered me even more confusion. I felt like I was following C very closely but was still being left behind. When we got into the apartment I struggled more with my boots, then stood in the entrance for what felt like a long time. I looked to the left (bathroom), to the left-centre (bedroom) to straight ahead (living room where C & P sat on couch) to my right hand (phone). I did this several times, each time thinking that this wasn't my home, but if it wasn't then where did I live? I convinced myself that I lived there, but still though 'My apartment is much nicer than this' and 'Where's my boyfriend' and 'Is that guy (P) my boyfriend?' and I remember being very upset about that last thought because my boyfriend is someone I am very connected to. I told myself no, that wasn't him, he was the background on my phone so I kept looking from my phone to P and thinking that's not right. This whole time C & P on the couch appeared to me to be doing the same things over again and my phone never changed time. I felt like I was in an infinite loop. 

Eventually C noticed that I was just standing there looking around and asked if I was okay. I confirmed that I was. She asked if I wanted to go home, apparently, and she told me the next day that I had told her yes. They walked me to my place and she helped me find my keys (I couldn't) and waited as I tried to get my key in the door to my building. Being good friends, they walked me all the way up and saw me safely inside. My trip did not end when they left though; I went immediately to the bathroom where I stayed for what felt like an eternity as I was still experiencing this infinite loop mentality. It doesn't help that the door to my bathroom doesn't latch, so my two cats came and went as they pleased but always in the same order. I tried refreshing Facebook and Tumblr on my phone but in retrospect it was too late for anyone to be posting anything, but in the trip it confirmed my infinite loop theory. I remember thinking to myself how it was sad that this was all there was, and became convinced that I was ceasing to exist and, with me, the world was also ending in a fizzle. I thought about how I'd never see my boyfriend again, how all I had for the rest of eternity was my bathroom and these cats that would come and go. And I thought that whatever anyone was doing in this world those would be the last few moments that would play over and over again for them. I got a little sad when I thought I'd never see my family again, especially my young niece and nephew, but I didn't despair because I knew that nothing would ever hurt them and that they were asleep in their beds. Then I got a little angry and thought, No, This is not all that there is. And I struggled to move, and I made it to the hallway where the walls were moving and my hardwood style vinyl was warped and flowing, and I couldn't move steadily. I thought, see, I've just disproved all of it. And I made it to my bedroom, where I undressed and slid into bed. I was starting to come down, and I called my boyfriend as I realized I had missed calls from him. I slept for two hours with my light on, until my roommate got home and I shared my experiences with her and ate pizza. 

I am definitely trying it again. Colours were brighter, the ceiling was a mess, my vision was just skewed. When I closed my eyes  I felt relaxed and lost in a swirl of shapes and noise that I knew I couldn't hear, only see. It opened my mind to other possibilities beyond life, and made me think harder than ever about how to live my life, and what was going on, and what was important. Highly recommended.