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First Shroom Trip -- Christmas 2010
Amazing... Then terrifying...
Hey, this is my first post of this magnitude on here... Relatively new to the site, though I have been coming here since before this trip to discover information that might be useful in tripping and growing. Let me say, this site is amazing!
Anywho, it was Christmas Eve and my mother and I decided that we were going to go see my brother, D, for Christmas. She dragged me to church because she is in the choir and was singing for the Vigil. I am not a religious man nor do I enjoy anything related to it, but I went to support her. After midnight mass ended we went home, smoked a few bowls, and decided to start driving so we could get there in the morning. We finally got to my brother's at around 7:30am or so and he had already picked up the cubies the night before. He bought 9g and we were going to just go to the fucking moon... I had never taken shroomies before, but acid was the best thing I have ever experienced so might as well try the another part of the spectrum of hallucinogens. I took about 4-4.5g because I was unsure how much each weighed and wanted to go on a full trip. My brother ended up having less than me which was a good idea.
Within 15 minutes my brother and I noticed everything was super HD and far away, telling each other, "this is getting intense." My mother decided that we should go on a walk to chill. After a mission of much difficulty getting shoes on, we walked out of the apartment. My brother and I were not really tripping visually yet, but we were feeling heavy yet free of all problems. My mother started walking ahead of us because we were cracking up and walking about 0.5mph We made it a block and a half and then came to the conclusion it was setting in and we wanted to be inside so we turned around. Meanwhile my mother was about 4 blocks ahead of us and still walking. She turned around to see where we were and noticed we were almost back home. She somehow caught up to us... I didn't think we were THAT slow, but time was the indicator there. We sat at a table outside and had a smoke. This is when I noticed the first trip: the bricks on the wall were moving, flowing down like lava. The dark bricks were popped out in 3D while the light ones were a giant fluid motion down. WOW! We get back in and we are both tripping balls. We sit down and put on a movie, but we kept forgetting to turn it on so it never played. I walked around, watching the tracers from my arms and realizing that the living room was huuuuge and needed exploring. My brother looked as though he was stunned and a little over the top so he went in the other room and sat in the bean bag chair. I continued to walk around with my arms out, thinking. Everything was the same but different. Everything had double, triple, quadruple meaning. Everything was a contradiction. I went into the bedroom where D was chilling and sat in the other chair. I didn't like the feel of the room... Everything was yellow and just felt wrong so I went back out into the living room. Shortly thereafter, I wanted to stay out there but I couldn't. The giant melty O's coming from my speech were leading my around and back into the room.
I decided to just sit still so I sat back down across from my brother. We were describing what we were feeling from the fungi. I was obviously much higher than him from the amount I took, the fact at that at that time I was over 100 lbs less, and on no sleep, but he was seeing the walls crawl and things were changing colors. His thinking was more in tune with the universe, if you will, and he was thinking in ways I have never heard him say before. For me, everything was 5 minutes ago, now, and 5 minutes in the future. I had extreme deja vu, contradiction of everything, and was starting to lose track of "time". Time no longer real, just a man made tracking device to run the world in an orderly fashion. Time was nothing; there were numbers, but they had no meaning. What is 4:20 even mean besides 420? I couldn't figure it out. Then I realized I kept on saying half a sentence and then getting distracted my the bubble letter spelling the words coming from my mouth. I sat back and just said I can't talk and watched the ceiling as it turned into purple, red, green, and blue fluids dripping half way down the room and the going back up, kind of like a lava lamp in texture and flow. It was so intense yet so cool. The mind was messing with me because NOTHING could even start to make sense. Why was there drips from the ceiling? I realized I was under the influence but even that didn't compute. It was overwhelming and a bit scary, but I was fine and enjoying it, telling myself to go with the flow and ride the wave. I was happy and delighted, yet confused like I have never been before. I then realized my mother was sitting at the end of my bean bag for about 5 minutes, talking about Christmas and religion and questioning us on our lack of faith in Jesus and all that jazz. I felt very uncomfortable so I traveled back to my world on the ceiling and just thought of life, college, girlfriend situation, or lack thereof, and questioned the world. What it is? Who are the inhabitants? What is their purpose? Are humans real or are they even the dominant species on the pebble in existence? What is the point of our existence other than to fuck as much as possible (those with half a brain at least) and reproduce, advancing the species in the generations to come way in the future? The ceiling started turning into blackness and 3D stars like I was flying through space. My brother looked at me and asked if I was alright in which I was about to reply, "yeah, just tripping really hard.... (tell him where I was and what I was seeing and thinking (if I could even talk that much))"... and my mother interrupted with, "be quiet, he is having a bad trip."
Right at that moment, everything went from extreme and outlandish yet fun and freeing to scary, full of death, and negative energy throughout my entire body. I started in on, "the mushrooms were poisonous. I am dead. I am alive, but I am not.Who? What? I am dead and you are too. You aren't and nor am I because I couldn't be talking to you and walking around. Maybe that is death but we don't know it. I am dead, but I am not. Who? What, what who?." The world was no more but a lost memory. I was an atom on a field of emptiness and non-existence of self, mind, and body. I was there, but I wasn't; I couldn't be, but somehow I was. I laid down on the air mattress and as I looked around I saw these indescribable faces of demons and dead people and things that kind of looked like death eaters in Happy Potter (sorry for the lame comparison.) I closed my eyes and immediately the faces melted away as I was drifting through space, floating by planets from another galaxy and solar system. I looked up (and literally got in the superman position in bed looking forward as if I was flying) and opened my eyes to see a wall that was there, but it wasn't... All that was there was a planet I was heading straight for. I somehow flew around it and I saw this barrier. I got to it and the other side was just like a blank piece of paper, as if the artist never finished. I realized this as the edge of the universe. I took my magic air mattress and flew back towards Earth which was green and a magnificent blue and white. It looked like Bob Ross was painting the reality around me with his fro of justice. The entire time I had never felt as bad about myself and life and where I was going than this trip. It made me realize that even though I am a very nice person to people I can be misconceived as a complete asshole and I thought everyone hated me. I hated myself and everything about me. I looked out the window to see a very different view than I am used to. I am used to wilderness in the mountains; this was desert and mesas. It looked ugly with the city right there, like a barren, life-sucking redland. It made me feel like a pebble because the view was just so long. I felt like I could see across the border. It was driving me insane from the negativity that it brewed in me.
I decided the room was a bad place and stood up to walk out the door. I opened it and my body immediately took me to the bathroom without being told to by my brain. I looked at myself in the mirror and actually, that was a lifter. I looked fine except for a little red and my eyes were completely black, no blue showing through or around the pupils. I threw up and watched as it looked like chicken frying oil with all the drippings in it flowing into this black water. It was intense, but I actually thought it was pretty damn cool. I walked out and it seemed like I was coming down (around 4 hours of heavy tripping at this point) but then I realized I was still tripping just as hard, but now in waves. I sat down in the chair in the living room and was hyperventilating. I thought I was not breathing and having to concentrate on taking breathes in order to get oxygen, but I was just thinking that when I was breathing way too much in reality. I thought if I stood up and functioned that it might help me forget that trip and find something new.
I went to the dining room where they were talking and eating some chips and cookies. I was starving so I ate two chips, proceeded to the toilet, and retasted them. I love cookies and hate potato chips usually, but it was the other way around. I went back to the chips after that round of puking knowing that I will do it again, but it was worth it at the time. I went back out and sat there after a bit at the table and we played aggravation, the board game. I was extremely silent and sad and just plain miserable. It was dark out by this game and I just couldn't take it anymore... It was like 8-9 hours later and I was still seeing colors and shapes in 4D. Yes, 4D. Time was existent again, but I didn't want to deal with it as it was just a burden of man and space. We smoked a bowl and that seemed to make me trip again, but not in a bad way... Just very bright and 4D. We went over to the couch and chilled for a bit, turning on Dexter, and I fell asleep. It was so needed.
I was still in a shitty mood the next two days. My loss of ego in every sense (and in meanings that are nonexistent yet are) transformed me and actually helped me grow in the end. I was a much more motivated, enduring, and genuine person after this experience. I told myself I am not letting a bad first trip take away the beauty within the magic mushroom. I find their power to be astonishing, amazing, and enlightening. They are something that every person should experience at least once to free their mind, body, and soul... And I don't even believe in souls....
Anyway, I know I left some stuff out... I thought I had a couple pages I wrote right after it describing what I felt, saw, and did in more detail but I can't seem to find it. This is my recollection of memories.
Thank you for listening.
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