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shroom trip changed my life

bad fucking trip

So me and a friend have been trying to find shrooms for some time and we finally found a good hookup and we bought an eighth each. I also picked up a 45$ eighth a few days before from a clinic for the weekend we were going to dome the shrooms.
The plan was to go to a local area, follow a path which leads to a deserted forest area where we usually kick it, and dome the shrooms and bud.
The day comes and we meet up and go to the spot and eat the shrooms at 10:30 and start to blaze out of my friends piece (the bowl fits about .2 so we couldnt pack very much at a time) and about half an hour in we were already spacing out and beginning to see tracers.
The shrooms by the way were mostly grounded up but had a few small stems and caps (cubes)
So were tripping at about 11, but its not too intense, and were kicking back in these chairs feeling intense body highs and thinking about life. I began to hallucinate in the rocks behind my friend and i knew shit was about to go down.
I turn on my phone to make sure i didnt get any calls and my friend hits me up immediately when my phone is on, and this is exactly what happens.

friend: "yo where are you?"
me: "nowhere dude"
friend: "did you eat the shrooms yet?"
me: "yeah, why do you need to know where i am"
friend: "just where are you? are you guys trippin yet?"
me: "yeah dont mess with us man wel burn you with a torch" (we have a torch and a rig at the spot we kick it at and my friend knew this)
friend: "oh so your at the spot!?"
me: "no no were not at the spot!"
friend: (i can hear my friend shouting as if hes talking to someone else, i thought he was talking to the cops) "HEY GUYS HES OVER HERE, HES AT THE SPOT YOU GUYS HURRY UP GO GET THEM!"
me: "what the fuck??"
friend: "hey, you still on the phone??"
me: "whats goin on??"
friend: "bye." and he hangs up

i start panicking thinking the cops or something were after us so i ditch the little bud i had and started running, and my friend is burning bushes with the torch and he asks me whats up and i start running, then i hear my friend yelling "ah im on fire!! im on fire!!"
I turn around and see a huge cloud of smoke and see my friend stomping it out, and i was panicking a lot and couldnt think because so many fucking things were going through my head so i try to explain what was happening but i coudlnt so my friend explains the fire and at this time we are both basically frying our minds. So i explain it again and my friend says that hes just making us have a bad trip, but i couldnt stop panicking so we sat down and tried to relax but my mind wouldnt stop racing. I sat in a chair and felt my entire body being absorbed into the chair and all the trees and bushes i looked at were dancing and waving and the entire floor was being dragged away from me. everything i would look at would move away and start shifting in unexplainable patterns, and then i began to start thinking about my life and i kept thinking about how much my life sucks for some reason. I realized that life is pointless because all my friends and i would do is kick back and get high, but i was not enjoying my trip so i began to ask what the fuck is the point of my life if i dont even enjoy my trip and i saw my whole life as a waste of time, but then my friend told me that life is about not giving a fuck and kickin back and getting bitches, and i was overcome with joy. i had a smile on my face and realized that every bad thought i had i just had to say in my mind "who gives a fuck, life is about having fun with friends and enjoying nature" but then my other friends showed up (the ones who were fucking with me) and i began to panic again. I forgot the thought i had that was making me so happy and i began blanking again and forgetting why my life is worth living. I kept thinking my life sucks over and over but i kept forgetting the reason why life is awesome because i was panicking so much with my friends. They kept wanting to walk around in the forest so we followed them for about an hour and a half and the whole time i just wanted to sit down and think out my life and make the connection that life is about having fun, but since my friends kept dragging me along i couldnt think. On top of this i was frying my mind by now (it was 11:30 when they showed up) and i hadn't had anything to drink or eat for days. 
I finally decided i had enough and left my asshole friends to go to a different friends house so i could clear my head. I had to skate about two miles to get there and half of it was uphill. I didnt stop at all i just kept thinking and thinking and had all these terrible thought in my head about how i hate my life, then i finally get to my friends and im covered in sweat, completely dehydrated. I didnt know i needed water so i greeted my friend and sat down and they were smoking some blunts. The entire time at my friends i didnt know what to say because my mind was being overcome with insanely dark thoughts about how my life is shit and i was being passed blunts and spliffs and hit them, which made my trip even worse.
I got to the point where i felt as if i was dying. I felt my entire life as a waste and could feel my body wanting to give up. I left to go to the bathroom not to throw up but because i wanted to die. I sat down and stared at the wall and literally went blind and deaf for 10 minutes. My ears were ringing and i cocouldnt hear my friend asking if i was ok or not. I couldnt see at ALL my entire peripheral was whited out and  blurred and i was staring at a small portion of a wall in which my thoughts were literally projected onto as if i was watching a movie about how much my life is shit. then i remembered that i hadnt eaten or drinken in 2 days and i tried to get up to go get water, but i collapsed on the ground. as i slowly got up i fell on the sink, toilet, ran into the bathroom door, and finaly opened it.

As i exited the bathroom i entered another world. I saw the floor crawl away from me and everything began to creep away as i stumbled around into the kitchen. The 15 seconds it took for me to get a fucking plastic cup from the kitchen felt like an hour because i felt so sick and light headed. i was going to pass out if i left the bathroom like 2 minutes later. I got the fuckin water then collapsed on the couch, chugging the water. I began to feel better and had my mind clear for about 30 seconds. I stared at my friends carpet which had a zig zag pattern and i began to see the carpet pattern take over the entire room as everything began shifting in zig zags, then i could hear shouting. I turned to the side and saw my friend shouting at me, and i realized i hadnt heard him the entire time. ringing returned to my ears as i said back "i cant hear you...:"
after about a minute i could hear him saying "ARE YOU OK!?!??!"
i said "no i need food and water im dying"
so i ate some lunchables and drank a fuck load of water then my mind returned to me as i continued to realize that my friend probably hates me because i almost passed out and im high as fuck, and i kept thinking that people hate me for some reason and i continued to think that my life is total shit and i couldnt snap out of my bad trip because i was constantly in a state of panic and depression and i didnt have the state of mind to snap out of it and realize why my life is worth living. By the way the time was about 1:45 when i had the lunchables. 
I continued to think how shitty everythihng is and i kept getting more and more depressed as my friends kept blazing and enjoying their time. Afterwards, my douchebag friends hit me up and want to kick it, and the only reason i went to hang out was because my other friend who was on shrooms was with them. 

So they pick me up from this guys house and we go to the movie theater and my shroom friend tells me how his life is awesome because he realized how cool nature is and how everything is better for him or some shit and i sat there just thinking that my life is a giant piece of depressing shit and i couldnt accept it i just kept falling into a deeper state of fucking sadness. and when we got to the movies i zoned the fuck out and eventually i got home and went to bed at around 10 keeping the same fuckin shitty state of mind.

The next day i was extremely depressed and pissed because i had a terrible trip and i didnt know what to do with my life. So i decided to just quit everything. i quit bud, cid, shrooms, even vaping with e-cigs, because i wanted to find a new hobby becides drugs and i wanted to actually do something fuckin good with my life.
The trip i had wasnt about visuals or about sick ass halucinations. Ive had my fair share of sick shit with cid, and the few times i actually payed attention to my surroundings i had some shady visuals goin on, but my trip was a terrible trip, mainly because i couldnt recover from my bad thoughts. I am still pondering why the fuck my life doesnt suck and what i should do. 

I was looking for shrooms to get answers to my life and to be happy but instead i just hated my life.

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