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A First Bad Trip

It was the last day of our freshman year, and me and my two close girlfriends decided we all wanted to try something new.

It was the last day of our freshman year, and me and my two close girlfriends decided we all wanted to try something new. First we wanted to try E, since one of the girls, Arity, had done it twice before and loved it. We couldn't find any, so I suggested shrooms. I've always wanted to try shrooms since my brother was a huge acid head and he always talked about visual trips. I didn't want to do acid ever, so I thought shrooms would be the best thing. Me, Arity, and the other girl Elisa got together with two other guys, John and Kent, who have never done shrooms before either. School got out for all of us at about 9:15 because we all had only one final to finish, so we went back to Arity's house, smoked some bud, and hung out. At first we had some trouble finding the shrooms, but at about 12, we found some and ordered 5 eighths. An eighth for each of us. At about four, we decided to walk down to this park and bring some pudding and fruit to mix the shrooms in with, and to just have a little mushroom picnic.

About 30 minutes after we ate them, all of us became giggly. We sat around a blanket, looking at the clouds, and laughing about everything. Soon I started to feel a little weird. I would look up at the clouds and watch as they projected themseves out of the sky, seeming to come closer to me. I became somewhat phylisophical, and started thinking about life and the 5 of us and our relationships together. When I sat up, I walked over to the picnic table where everyone else was sitting. When I sat down, I started seeing the grass move and flow, somewhat like a river. The lake right by us became more silver and the small waves seemed to be outlined by a black majic marker. We had to be home by seven because some girls were going to come over and hang out with us, so we left at 6:30 and walked home. On the way out of the park, I was noticing the small rode that we walked along. Every step I took, cobblestones started to form. The road ahead looked smooth and clean, but as we got closer and closer, I could see the tar start to form and weave around the rocks. On the sidewalk, the same thing happened, only I could see the grass in between the blocks start to grow and gather around us. I was happy and content, and I loved nature and where we were.

When we got back to Arity's house, Elisa, John, and I went inside Arity's room to hang out while Arity and Kent waited outside for Caitlin and Alex (the two girls that were coming over). As we sat in her room, I started to feel weird. Somewhat dirty. At this point, we were at the climax with full visuals. Arity's wall was covered in Japanese anime cartoons and decorated in raver accecories. The posters seemed to move around and the characters started to blend into the backround. All of her scarves and silk curtains started turning into water and were flowing in the wind of the open window. The woodwork was beautiful. The grain of the dark wood was moving around and started to flow onto the wall. I went to lay down on the bed with Elisa and John, and we just sat and talked about what we were seeing and how we were feeling. The room was beautiful, but I couldn't help but feel weird. After about thirty minutes of being in her room, Elisa (who has been my best friend for 7 years) started telling John how I had a horrible family life and how she was afraid to touch me sometimes. She was talking about how my bisexuality (which she has never mentioned making her feel uncomfertable before) scared her and made her think I was gross. At this point, I started feeling horrible. Ive always had depression and have always dealt with strong suicidal thoughts and have fought through serious suicide attempts, and I hadnt had one in months until that moment. I got up, and went to the bathroom,to discover I started my period. Blood was pouring out of me and I had no idea what was going on. I thought I was dying and I felt like blood was all over me,covering my hands, arms, and legs. I quickly put a tampon in and washed my hands, then to notice that there was a small hole in my silk pants. That worried me tremendously. I felt like my pants were ripping apart, that I was actually naked and everyone around knew it but wasnt telling me.

When I walked back into the room, Arity was in there with Elisa and Kent talking to caitlin who said she couldn't come over until eight, which I was fine with. I didn't want to deal with more people. John and Elisa went to go outside, and I sat with Arity on her bed. She was having a bad trip also. She talked about how she was afraid her mom would come over and see us like this. She was afraid that she would be punnished forever, and wanted the trip to end as soon as possible. At this point, I wasn't even thinking about the trip. I was in the state of knowing that in the morning, I would kill myself, and save everyone from the horrible person that I felt I was. Arity and I just sat there crying, when John, Kent, Elisa, and Alex (I have no idea what time she came) and they started to get worried about us. Arity and I reminded them that we would be ok, and that we wanted to be by ourselves. Kent said something like "Emily you need to stop thinking, you look scary. Stop staring" and that made me even worse. I kept on thinking "Im and ugly, sad and pathetic excuse for a human. Everyone here knows it, but they just wont tell me". Soon everyone left the room and Arity and I just layed there, wating for it to end.

At 8 Arity called Caitlin and told her she couldn't handle more people, which was a smart move on her behalf. I wouldn't have been able to deal with anyone else either. John and kent left at around 8:30 because they thought that they were making the trip more uncomfertable for Arity and I, which was true, but we felt bad to tell them that. Once they left, I got out of my clothes, which i felt was covered with blood, and chaged into my pajamas. At 9, my visuals were gone, and the suicidal thoughts were subsiding. I started to clean up when Elisa came in. We were telling her how we were sorry, and how scared we were, and she freaked out,told us to fuck off, and stormed out of the room where outside, she called our dealer Nate so she could calm down and told him to come over.

Once he did, Arity and I had calmed down. We were still tripping, but I wasnt scared anymore, and I knew that there wasnt blood all over me anymore. He tooks us to blockbuster, got us a movie, and hung out with us until about 12:30 where he left us to sleep.

Im writing this on that next morning. Last night was an experience that I will never forget. I'm glad that I have experienced a visual trip, and I know that I might do it again, only under safter cercumstances where I will be more comfertable. I now feel that my life is more sacred, and more delicate that I thought, and I am very greatful for that.

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