This trip was definitely more than a 2 but I'm not sure if it was a 3.
Alright, so this was my third time doing shrooms. I had been holding onto these shrooms for about 2 weeks and decided I wanted to experience a trip alone on New Years eve before going out that night to celebrate with friends. I have no idea what kind of shrooms these were. So anyway, at 3pm i ate about 3.5-4gs of the shrooms with some M&Ms. I laid down on my bed and turned on this playlist I had specifically created for this trip. Waited about 30 minutes and didnt really feel anything.
I was starting to worry that maybe my shrooms had gone bad because I didnt properly store them so I ate the rest of my shrooms (0.5-1 g) and hoped for the best. I still felt nothing other than a slight body high. I thought about what I did the last time I did shrooms that was different from this time & remembered that I ate grapefruit because I was told it enhances the trip. I had no grapefruit so I drank 2 glasses of cranberry juice instead. 5 minutes later the trip began to kick in.
I was laying down on my bed at about 4 pm when I noticed the ceiling & walls started to vibrate a little. I started getting excited & anxious at the same time because I knew the trip was going to happen soon. The intensity turned up a notch and I decided it would be interesting to watch porn on shrooms. I went online and found a video that looked interesting & watched it. It was so funny to me. As i was watching, I could tell that the chick in the video wasnt really enjoying having sex. I could tell that everything she was doing, from the moaning to the facial expressions she made, were fake. No real pleasure. I was not the slightest bit turned on or aroused by the video . It kind of disgusted me.
After this, I laid in my bed just enjoying the music. It was about 4:30 pm & suddenly I felt like my room took off and just went to another place. Like I was in my house but my room had went somewhere else. I can't really explain. The trip was at its maximum intensity. I started having a lot of deep thoughts at this point. First I felt lonely. Like more alone than I ever felt in my life. My dad was home, but he was taking a nap. I started thinking about my dad & I honestly just wanted to go hug him. I thought about the last time I hugged my dad & about the last time I told him I loved him which I couldn't even remember when that was. I couldnt figure out what is the big deal with men & showing emotion. Like why is it so hard for me to tell my dad I love him or to hug him? I do that with my mom, but with my dad, things are different. I didnt want to go to my dad because if he found out i had did shrooms, he'd make a big deal about it like how parents do. All I could do to comfort myself was curl up in a ball under my blanket.
The lonely phase passed. I then start thinking about God and what God really was. One of the thoughts I had was that maybe we are all inside of God. Like, God is everywhere. Then I wondered what if the Earth was really our God & creator. But i remembered how ridiculous that is because there are other planets & astronauts & spaceships go to outer space so that would mean they are leaving God. hahahaha. I laughed at my self for thinking that.
Thinking about the earth made me start thinking about what a new year really meant. And how entering 2013 is more than just a new date on the calendar and going out and getting drunk to do the count down. Its a celebration of life. A celebration of existence. Its like celebrating the earth's birthday. Its something very important but people use it as an excuse to get wasted. But then I realized maybe thats our way of showing appreciation and thanks for another year. We go out and party but subconsciously we are celebrating for another year of earth history.
I had tons & tons of other thoughts. I feel like the shrooms opened up my subconscious. I was thinking about all my insecurities and weaknesses. At this moment I didnt want to be around anyone else because I felt like I was open & exposed. Like people would be able to see the things going on in my mind. I started observing my room. It looked really messy. The room looked really tight & small. Everything looked slanted. My closet looked like I was looking at it thru a fish eye lens. There were patterns on the walls spinning. Patterns were vibrating across the wall. Everything in my room had a pulse like they were breathing. I seen what looked like a frog hoping on my wall except it wasnt a frog but like a square shape. The colors were so rich & bright in my room. Like pure colors at their truest form. At the same time, everything looked so weird and different. My sneakers looked so ugly & I couldnt figure out why I spend so much money on them. I started thinking about how material things really dont matter.
I had to keep reminding myself that the trip would eventually wear off. I got scared thinking about seeing the world like this permanently. I wondered if this is what psychosis was like & I felt bad for people who have mental problem. I had to get up and take a walk around my house to calm myself down. I went to go look at the backyard. The grass seemed to be glowing & reaching for me. It really tripped me out. We were watching a family member's dog and she was in the backyard. She seen me looking thru the window & came over. When we made eye contact it was as if she seen something was up with me. She looked at me weird and I could tell she knew I was tripping. The dog became different. Like defensive almost. She started barking at me so I went back to my room.
I wanted this trip to end but I didnt at the same time. I went into my iTunes and played some Madlib. All the album artworks in my Itunes was moving. Glowing, vibrating, and moving. It was pretty cool. The music sounded amazing and it calmed me back down. I started thinking about how much I really love myself & how I'm really a good person. I started feeling really good and happy & thankful for being alive. Thankful for being the person I am. I realized that everything in my life is going to work out. I just need to keep working hard and moving forward. Ill just cut the story short because it is long enough already lol
This trip definitely showed me a lot of things. I wish I was better at putting everything I experienced into words.