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Seeing 'Them'

Cubensi/cyanescen combination

Precursor -- I have a friend who is more or less an expert on mushrooms and makes yearly trips to the coast in order to personally pick his own. He came back this year with about 15 pounds wet, picked in a day. He then proceeded to make them into chocolates, each of which contain an eighth of shrooms and some lemon for the vitamin C. I've consumed an entire chocolate (cyanescen only) before with good results, though nothing too crazy. Thinking we would go a little easier on ourselves this time, my fiancé and I split a chocolate which was about half cubensi and half cyanescen. This was our first time trying cubensis, third time shrooming. I've had acid a couple times before as well.

The setting -- We split the chocolate around 10:30 PM. i think setting had a big impact on the intensity of my experience, as we were in my childhood bedroom late at night by ourselves. We weren't listening to any music, the lights were off, and we were snuggling under the covers because we were so cold.

The trip -- The trip itself started out fairly normal. We came up slowly and I didn't get much of the stomach tension or worrying feeling that I was expecting. In fact I would say that I was sleepy. I had a sinus infection at the time, so I could feel the liquid bubbling around and draining out of one of my sinuses, making my nose run, my throat itch, and my eye water -- all just on the left side of my face. I was fascinated and preoccupied with this for awhile. Since we were in the dark having pretty normal conversations, I started thinking about horror films and what makes them scary (specifically, the idea that people could be hanging out doing normal activities while someone was watching them or otherwise plotting against them). Although this was disturbing to me and I started 'seeing' things in the shadows a bit, I still indulged the thoughts because I was interested in them. I eventually forced myself to think about other things because I didn't want the trip to become scary. By this point, I was having open-eyed visuals, less obvious than my last trip (since I took half the amount). The lights were off, but what I could see was wavy and flowing, which I've always found very easy to spot.

At some point in the trip (I had absolutely NO sense of time during the entire experience), I felt like I should attempt to go to sleep. Most likely because I was already lying down and didn't have any pre-planned activities or toys for the trip, I decided to close my eyes and lean into the trip. As soon as I did, I felt like I had been plunged into a dream. I am a consistent and experienced lucid dreamer, so it felt exactly the same -- except I knew I wasn't asleep. Because of this, the line between dream and reality was blurred. My thoughts started running away from me, and I started having what I can only describe as extremely wild (waking) dreams. I would lie very still, my breathing would become more even, and according to my fiancé each of these episodes lasted around ten to fifteen seconds.

The first major experience I had was a distinct feeling of coming home. I was a young cat in a forest. There was music playing in my head. I could see the greens and browns of nature, and felt the presence of Mother Nature. I was curled up in a tree branch (or root?). Then I seemed to live out my lifetime in the forest, growing up, and suddenly I was a mother cat giving birth. I could still feel the physical presence of my fiancé beside me, but I was not in that world -- I was in the 'dream' world, and I felt this inherent distrust because I felt I had lived my life within Nature, occasionally coming to the physical world and being human, but my true spirit lay in the world of nature. I remember distinctly wondering whether the father would come and guard me. When I was giving birth, however, I very suddenly 'woke up' from the experience, gasping for air, brought back to the 'normal' level of tripping (about a level 2) in the physical world. My limbs and body felt awkward and new to me. It was as if my spirit self had given birth to my new, physical, human self. My movements were very strange. For awhile I lingered on this easier level, then explained to my fiancé what I had witnessed.

The second experience (that I can remember) was even shorter. After the first 'dream' I was eager to close my eyes and dive back into the next level. I immediately was a cat again, running through an area that was very distinct at the time but I can't recall anymore. There was a repetitive and upbeat music track playing in my head that made me feel quite at home with what I was doing. Again, I had the sense that this was my 'true' form, and that my human body was only a temporary vessel while I did what I had to do in the physical world.

I can't exactly remember the next few sequences, but I do remember coming into an almost alien world, where I felt I had come home at last. Here I encountered the entities which I called 'They'. I kept thinking of, and hearing, a line from the song 'I Was Born a Unicorn', which went, 'They're there. If we agree they're there, then they're there...' I woke up suddenly from this experience and told my boyfriend everything, though apparently I wasn't that descriptive. I do remember saying, 'They're there,' and he instantly seemed to understand. He wanted to see them, too, and asked if he could try to go with me.

When I did try to take him with me, I had a clear understanding that he was not going to make it there. I carried his essence, which was in the form of a large egg, down and emerged through a door into a silver and grey foyer. It looked like something from a science fiction film. There, there were two, maybe three alien creatures, grey and elegantly dressed, with long necks. I felt at first that they did not want me to bring the egg in. They didn't recognize it. And yet they were curious about it, looking past me to see it. I knew then that they couldn't do anything for him then. I woke out of the experience, and my fiancé was there awake and alert. He confirmed that he hadn't made it. I told him that they were curious about him, and that they wanted to see him, but couldn't yet. That he wasn't ready to yet.

We decided to try again, and this time I remembered very little, but I remembered carrying the egg down a rosy-colored passageway. When I awoke, I knew it hadn't worked again.

We tried again, and this time we were plunged into rose-colored water together. My fiancé was, this time, clear in my vision as a fully-formed person, yet in another way I could only sense his mental presence, not see him. We were swimming underwater and I knew that ahead of us there was a door in the wall, that if only we could reach it he would make it through. I tried to encourage him to swim, but I couldn't speak and nor could I really convey the idea mentally. When I reached the door, I awoke, but again he hadn't made it.

At this point, the things i was seeing began to become more clear. I went 'in' by myself, and was surprised by a clear sunny scene of myself as a kitten, and my fiancé as a small wolf puppy or husky of some sort. We had just been born, and were being presented like royal children. I saw my fiancé upon a leaf, or maybe it was a large petal, and all around there were flowers opening and closing with awe, as if bowing to us. I knew then that this was my 'brother' in a sense, and even when I awoke I felt more of a sibling connection to him than anything. I eagerly told him all that I had learned from these visions. I knew now that They loved him and wanted to see him. They missed him, and he told me too that he missed Them. Yet I also knew why I had been able to see Them while he couldn't -- I told him that I was the younger soul, and he the older and more responsible -- he had stayed closer, while I had wandered farther. They had missed me more, been more afraid for me, and called for me louder. They hadn't been sure I would come back. But I felt very strongly that while I was a wild soul, young and irresponsible, bound to wander away and try to be independent, I also had come home and realized how much I needed Them, and how much of a child I still wanted to be.

At some point during the trip (I don't know when) my fiancé said, 'I think They are God.' I immediately said, 'No! Don't say that.' I told him that They couldn't be labeled, and that giving Them a name would limit one's expectations of Them.

After telling my fiancé this, he wanted to try one more time. At this point I could feel 'the door closing'. I was quite aware that, although I could come and go at will, there would eventually come a point soon when I wouldn't be able to see them anymore. We snuggled together and closed our eyes.

I was there then, with Them. I don't remember all of what happened, but it was very short. And I heard a clear, deep voice speaking to me, saying things that can barely be translated to words, but if I tried they would say something like, 'You've found a brother-soul, so take good care of it.' I felt like this was my parent, and as I was leaving the vision, I wanted to turn to my fiancé and tell him everything that had happened. But something immediately stopped me -- They were relaying something along the lines of, 'No, wait until we finish speaking to your brother.' And I opened my eyes, looked at my fiancé who was opening his eyes, and asked, 'Are you done?'

At this point, I knew that my fiancé had spoken with Them. Apparently, as I had been lying there engaged in my own vision, he had been praying, though saying nothing in particular, and had also heard Them. A lot of what They said had to do with the nature of Themselves, and indeed what to label them, and how to talk to them. I think in general though, what They told him was something that he should share, not me. I remember thinking that he had had a private conversation with them, like a private conversation with one's parent, and he didn't need to share it with me. Yet he did, and I also felt that They had expected and understood this would happen.

I felt now that the door was on the verge of closing. He asked if we could see Them one last time. We tried -- I think that he heard Them more clearly this time. They said a short goodbye to him. But for me, I couldn't hear them anymore. I could only see a reflection of myself, except the face in the mirror was a young African-American girl (not what I look like at all). I could hear voices talking in a sort of indiscernable AAVE way. There was music playing the background very loudly. I think it was jazz music of some sort. I could no longer speak with them, hear them, or see them, but felt they were communicating their goodbye. When I wondered as to the significance of this vision, which was less powerful than the others, I felt a message from them, which was that my identity was not based in appearance, nor was this scene representative of what I was truly on the inside. It was merely a method of communication, a metaphor of sorts, the fact that what I was outwardly could change, though my essence would never.

After this, the door felt firmly closed, and I was no longer able to access the next level anymore. I felt certain that the trip was over, though I wasn't exhausted or overwhelmed at all. I got up and turned on the lights, and to my surprised was still tripping pretty hard (visually, everything had intensified quite a lot). I just felt a million times closer to sobriety than I had just been. We slowly came down after this, and for awhile I couldn't fall asleep because I was still confused about the difference between sleeping and tripping.

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