I'd like to start by saying that I had taken shrooms on one occasion before this, a few years back. It was a little too small of a dose to really hit me hard. The most I had experienced was a feeling of disconnect from the body. I was walking in extremely cold weather and felt completely numb, and it seemed like I was controlling my body with my mind (no shit right? lol), but in a more literal sense. Basically I just felt very calm and peaceful. More in tune with my self than the physical world.
Well, this time around would be my second time doing shrooms. I had just woken up from a nap around 5 pm, feeling a little groggy, and it was a Friday. It was one of those days that was kind of wasting away until I got a call from a friend to come over to chill with him and another one of my close friends. These guys are my 2 closest friends. He lives a few blocks away so I walked over. Soon enough we started drinking. I got a little buzzed (maybe this was the mistake i made). We kicked it for about a half hour before we decided that we could get shrooms. We knew the guy and we had the money so we figured; why not?
So by the time we go get them and come back, my buzz is wearing off. I feel just kind of "meh", not good or bad, but I was a little nervous. Didn't know what to expect. We each had our dose in separate bags (an eigth each i think). So we just chilled and ate them. By the way, people say they taste like shit but they really don't, they just taste .. weird and plain, like super stale crackers with no flavor lol
So we just kind of chilled and watch tv while we wait for the trip to start. My buddy gives me this like stuffed anime thing and told me to hang onto it. When I started to feel it about 30/40 minutes later I just started laughing a little bit to myself. Started getting that detatchment feeling again. I was touching my self (like my arms and shoulders lol) and was moving around a lot. It made me laugh more because I couldn't feel my physical body anymore. It started off on a pretty euphoric and positive note but then I started getting this anxiety. I just felt overwhelmed already even though I hadn't even been hit with thoughts yet. I was still sort of in touch with my regular reality but I guess I was experiencing the feeling of being taken out of it. (?)
The trip I started having was similar to but a more intense version of a marijuana high, which is usually for me (now for some reason) a little bit uncomfortable. I get this sensation of timidity and doubt that ultimately leads me to sink lower and lower into my own head until I am completely uninvolved with everybody else (I completely quit socializing and cease all movements). The thing that was strange about this on shrooms was that I bounced between that catatonic state and feeling like I was "good high". A few times I got up and walked around and my friends were like "are you alright dude?" ..This freaked me out because when they asked me if I was alright it made me think I wasn't.. lol (stupid right?)
I remember when I started peaking I felt this disconnect from my personal self as well. It was like I was taken out of my perspective and started seeing these patterns of things happening. I started to notice reality looping. Probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense because I can't REALLY explain it but I do specifically remember the number 3. These loops always consisted of 3 things that would happen, and then my comprehension of it would slip away as I tried to grasp it. I felt like I had lost touch with reality and it just freaked me out until something in a different cycle caught my attention. I would then be temporarily relieved of the anxiety until I noticed it looping again. I felt like I was losing my mind. It kept repeating so much that it convinced me that I was trapped in some type of eternity.
To add to this, it seemed like my unconscious self was manifesting itself in everything around me. I would notice all the characters, in the shows we were watching, exhibit characteristics of myself, but I was always the losing character or the weakest character. If that roles changed I would simply become that other character. It was just so strange and so familiar at the same time. I could not tune out of it no matter how much I tried. I was freaking out in the most chill way, I had tears that I didn't even notice. Asking my buddies so calmly if I was going to stop tripping and how i felt trapped in time. I went outside at one point to use the bathroom (fantastic idea). I walked in a few circles thinking "What the fuck is happening right now?" My vision in the darkness was so focused on what was ahead of me and my peripheral vision was smeared and flying past me. I finally got a grasp on myself and started to relax and was about to piss when my friend came out the door (what timing..) and asked me if I was alright. Of course that brought me back to that state of panic because he reminded me of it. I immediately went inside and just sat back down. It was so hard to be considerate of the fact that they were tripping too, I didn't want to ruin their trip, but at the time I was completely oblivious to even think about something like that. The next hour or whatever consisted of me sitting there tripping the
hell out while my friends were trying to tell me it's all good. He said
"Whatever you're experiencing right now, it's gonna be ok".
It wasn't a vivid trip with lots of hallucinations or anything visually nuts (though the walls and ceiling were pulsing and waving), so it is hard to truly explain how I FELT at the time. Overall I would assume this is what a bad trip is like. Only way I can describe it in a simple way is that I was tripping the fuck out. But I'll tell you, the feeling of coming down was the most relieving feeling I had ever experienced. I calmed down to the most mellow version of myself I had been in such a long time. I felt cleansed. As terrifying as the experience was, it was worth it.. One of my friends had to leave to get some sleep and go to work so me and my other friend just were about to crash but we ended up talking for like 2 hours about silly shit and laughed a lot. I feel like I grew from this experience, just some personal things it revealed and I worked them out. I would love to do them again but I'd prefer it to be a little more enjoyable next time. The main thing I hear from everybody is that you can't fight it. You can't try to control it. It's like I kinda get what they mean by it but I don't truly understand what they mean by it. It's so hard for me to just let go and let it do it's thing and I fuckin hate that ya feel me?
I got 2 or 3 questions for you guys.
How can I be more relaxed and enjoy shrooms next time? Or was the experience SUPPOSED to be this way?
Feel free to share any of your thoughts :D
I hope you enjoy this even though it was a little depressing lol, thanks for reading