A deeper discovery of fun.

Note: Sorry if this is rambling, too long, and/or not what you care for. I sort of just wanted to type some sort of record of one of my trips and this is the result. It's un-edited but not exactly poetry either. Perhaps I'll re-visit it with revisions later on.

The night started with spontaneity like any good night will. I was a high-schooler, it was a summer night, and we (my group of friends, 4 including me) were at a friend's place. T comes over and talk of mushrooms start, excitement builds and T says no problem, bringing us back the desired amount of shrooms to split was something that could be done. At this time I had already gotten my feet wet and cultivated quite a love affair with/in said plant. No expectations, only excitement, but sure enough the night builds in shape and form as he comes back with the baggie. We carefully, but carelessly, split up our portions and began munching.

After we each consume "some," I propose a group hug. What a good idea. Positive energy vibrations seemed to knit us together and from then on I experienced the night from a stance of togetherness. Giggles ensued. We explored. All things, my present surroundings and ideas that came to me, took on a heightened sense of meaning. I delighted and reveled, crossing paths with a friend here and there as I traipsed around the small apartment-like home, running up and down the stairs, in and out of rooms, and exchanging discoveries, musings, and checks to see if we were all on a similar level. I was caught up in a whirlwind of spiritual pleasure, delight, and meaning-enhanced euphoric clarity, but looking back in hindsight years later, I see that although I felt deep clarity, free, and on top of the world, I was confident to the point of destructiveness to my friend G. I had expected everyone to be on my same plane of wonder, and pridefully ignored the signs that my friend G displayed of being in a very different place -- I had no empathy or understanding. I couldn't listen, being too caught up in my own experience. Loving every second of it I smiled and laughed through layers of meaning as I chomped down a bit more and shared awe and joy of what a wonderful moment we were experiencing with my friend L.

We somehow migrated towards the computer (source of music) and someone started playing with the visualizer, while another noted the CEV's. I took little real notice of these mentions, remarking a thing or two here or there but... I've never really cared about visuals much, whether in or out of trips. But I was [i]there[/i], in that moment, sitting on the carpet, marvelling at the overwhelming balance and harmony of the world and that I perceived. Reflecting back on my own experience in contrast to what my friends probably experienced alongside me, the uniqueness of the individual is something that stands out to me. I turned everything that was presented to me towards what I wanted... it was as if my desires were manifested through faith. And I don't know whether or how much my deepest desires were manifested in reality, or if I simply got to believe it so. One example: My friend L and I would from time to time exchange laughs with each other together while sitting on the carpet, as my other two friends were on the computer doing something... looking at the visualizer? Watching Dark Side of the Rainbow? One of those two perhaps... and I remember I was just so HAPPY and I think I remember her saying the same thing, and she would say, "why are we laughing?" and I would respond, "it's just so perfect!" I'd always look back on that with acknowledgment that we were both [i]sharing[/i] something, acknowledging the same beauty, and I think it's because of my longing for intimacy and depth. But truly I maybe have no idea what was going through her at that moment... who knows? Maybe, any which way...

Dark Side of the Rainbow was, of course, mindblowingly cool. Good plain fun :) But I was restless and could not shut up about my desire to get outside. Something marvelous was waiting for me out there... the moon, the air, the breeze, the night, the TREES, FREEDOM, and my conviction of this being the only true endless possibility. There was resistance, but eventually I wore them down and coaxed them outside (with my stubbornness and selfishness (lack of open-mindedness?) when convicted... this is also I have learned part of my personality). Because c'mon, we all know I was right ;) Anyways, all I can say is that the moment my feet hit outdoors, I was home again. I think the first thing I did was run up and hug a tree. My friends sauntered off without me as that was the only way I was going to follow, and we wandered and enjoyed the Night. We walked through the urban landscape (it was a rather residential/business district intertwining sort of place) on elevated planes, laughing at the absurdity of the idea of boredom. We would spout off our musings as if everything we said was an answer to the sordidness that existed, wondering why so much madness existed when we saw the answers right there in front of us. It's times like these that life is being lived. I remember having to pee and squatting over some low bushes and being rebuked by the bush!

Another cool episode is when a cop car pulled up to us in a parking lot and questioned us. I had some leftover mushrooms in my jacket at that point but I knew there was absolutely nothing to fear. We respectfully answered him with complete honesty, we were just out for a walk. They left us without any negative energy produced; in fact, we parted on pretty good terms and I sensed that they were a bit taken aback by the composure we carried.

How is it that a couple of teenagers were able to transform a concrete landscape into a playground of creativity, insight, wonder, and fun? I remember appreciating each new landscape that we ventured across, fearless and unabashed in any of my actions. Such deep Sense, Intuition allowed me Freedom -- Freedom from fears, second-guessing, and limitations. These temporary escapades marked me with a hunger for more. I can safely say that mushrooms have changed my life. I'm not gonna say life is easy for me and that I love every minute of it and all of the rest of that, you know, bullshit. Cause' I'm pretty sure now that God sends challenges on us all -- the grass is not greener on the other side. But shit, god damn, discovering telepathy at 16 was a real treat...