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My first trip, positive life-changing aftermath
After this trip, which I consider my first, I changed many aspects of my life.
This is my first trip and first trip report, it will be rather lengthy but what happened before the trip is just as important as what happened after it. Please bare with me. If you would like to skip to where I actually start tripping (although I don't recommend it), please skip to the picture of the shroom.
I had always had this fascination with psychedelic substances. I loved watching Terrance Mckenna videos, and would spend many hours researching different psychoactive substances and their affects both long and short term, before consuming them. Tripping to me was a new experience, although I had many experiences with salvia beforehand. I do not consider salvia much of a psychedelic though for obvious reasons, it's just such a mess. Too much information packed into such a small amount of time, it always left me confused by the time I was sober.
A few weeks ago a friend, who I will call "Jarred", and I were at the local fair, enjoying spending our money on ridiculous things and meeting up with people who don't care about us. By the end of the day, around 8:00 p.m. or so my friend Jarred gets a message from his dealer telling him he has some new chronic mushrooms. Jarred knew I was curious about mushrooms and wanted to try them and so seeing the opportunity offered by his dealer, he excitedly showed it to me. Right away I knew what I had to do and we eventually met up with this guy and bought 4 grams for each other.
We eat the shrooms around 10:30 p.m. Jared eats his with some Twinkies because he is what I like to call a pussy. I eat mine raw of course.
By this time we had totally changed our environment and who we were hanging out with, we were now in downtown Bangor, a rather small city in Maine, with some of Jared's "friends". Later on we meet up with even more people and decide to go to a party. I had a strange "feeling" right away that this was a bad idea from the start. I probably should have trusted my instincts.
We get to the "party" around 11:00 p.m., all there is to see is some teenagers lounging around in some sketchy apartment drinking booze. There were probably 16-18 kids in that one tiny 3 room apartment. I take off my backpack and put it down in the apartment by the door, I then step outside to cool down as the apartment was very hot and I had no interest in drinking. I notice some of Jared's friends were in some sort of argument. Curious, I walked closer to hear what was going on.
I could see a kid no older than 15 or 16 messing with his backpack on the ground, which I noticed had been filled with 3 or 4 40 oz. beers. There was a much older kid, probably 20-22 years old nearby yelling at him about how "he bought the alcohol" and how "if he didn't get any of it he would take it all". It didn't take a genius to know this guy was very, very intoxicated. The younger kid kept saying things along the line of "I payed for the alcohol it should be mine." The two argue for 30 seconds or so and then my friend, Jared, comes out of the apartment and notices the two arguing.
Jared has always had a big mouth. At the time he was only 16 and not particularly muscular or tall or anything like that. Jared started explaining that "there's 3 of us" (including me, even though I had nothing to do with it at all) and "only 1 of you, so you can't really stop us."
This made foolish, drunk, 21 year old pretty upset. He started yelling and then HIS friend came out of the apartment, I will call this guy "Craig". This is when shit got real ugly, real fast.
Jared had no time to explain what happened before Craig had thrown him against a car and started beating him senselessly. People started to pour out of the apartment to watch as if it were some kind of spectacular event. I watched, completely shocked as my friend was beaten, screaming at Craig to stop his barbaric assault. It wasn't long before it was over,or so I thought.
Craig said something to Jared about "not fucking with my friends again" and then stormed back inside along with his friend who was arguing over the alcohol. The younger kid who had the alcohol hid it somewhere in the bushes while this was taking place.
I ran over to my friend to make sure he was okay, he told me he was even though his face was a little bloody, but he wanted to get his bag back from the apartment. I wanted the same. How foolish of me.
I planned on asking some of the girls outside of the apartment if they would go and get our bags for us, but as I got closer to it I could see that Craig was waiting outside the door. We make eye contact.
I hadn't said a word to this Craig character the entire day, and all of the sudden he busts through a small crowd of people who were watching the fight and starts yelling at me "What'd you say?!?!" He had this look in his eyes, such anger, I had never seen anything like it. There was something very wrong with this person. He yells this to me multiple times before grabbing me and throwing me to the street, where he began to attack me.
At the time I was small and frail, only 16 years old. I suspect Craig to have been 22-24 at the time. Fortunately I was squirmy and fast enough to make it so that when he did hit me, it more or less didn't hurt.
Everyone outside the apartment was screaming at him to stop, some girl rushed over and that's when he did. It was a very short experience but it happened just as the shrooms started to kick in and it really stressed me out.
Some cop cars drove by and that's when everyone but Jared and I ran into the apartment. By the time the cops had parked in front of the apartment I was standing and aware. The cops came out of their vehicles and immediately started questioning us, telling us that someone within the aparment building had called them.
I start telling them everything and long story short they tell us there's "nothing we can do". Typical. No one would answer the apartment door for them so there was no way Jared or I could get our bags back. We were told to go home.
When the cops had left, I definitely knew I was tripping, I looked into some grass and noticed that the dirt looked reflective to me, as if it were made of translucent plastic.
I was so fed up with the situation that I decided it really was time to go home. I call up my mom and tell her everything, she has the kindness to agree to pick me up and take me home. Jared ventures off to go to some other party.
My mom tells me to meet her at the nearby Walgreen's store. I didn't tell her where I was but I knew I could get there in time if I moved fast enough, so I start running.....down the middle of the street. I would never advise doing this, but I really did make sure no cars were around. I felt like I was running at incredible speeds and almost immediately all the stress and anxiety from what had happened disappeared and I was incredibly happy, about what I know not. I keep running until I come across a bridge. I look down at the water and notice that there seems to be whirlpools in it. Massive, black wormholes. I joke to myself that these are black holes hidden in other dimensions and that the shrooms were giving me the ability to see multiple dimensions.
I make it to the designated meeting spot around 1:30 A.M. I sit down in front of the store and it starts to rain. It was a hot summer day and it was just downpouring. I loved it, to this day I remember every second of it and wish I could re-experience it. I take off my flannel jacket and notice how trippy the pattern on it is. I observe the pattern that seems to glow until my Mother arrives at the store.
Immediately when I get in the car my Mother starts throwing questions at me. By this time though I was tripping pretty hard and found myself at a loss for words. I could only get out 2 or 3 at a time. It was quite frustrating and it was like this the whole trip. I kept thinking throughout the night about how silly language is, all aspects of it.
My Mother gave up asking me questions, I told her I would be able to answer them the next day. I retreat to my room and wait for her to go to bed. This is when I go to the bathroom for some reason.
I spend hours and hours in the bathroom thinking, staring at the patterns in the wooden floor and watching as the bath tub grew taller and then shorter. I then watched myself in the mirror for litterally 45 minutes, my face was morphing, my eyes were of course dilated, I felt like I could see through my skin. It didn't freak me out at all, in fact I was quite amused by this which is why I did it for so long. After growing bored with the bathroom I retreat to my room again.
In my room I feel incredibly cold so I wrap myself in a blanket, my mom yells something to me about taking off my shoes and I tell her I need them on. I still don't know why I said that. I sit in a very strange position for a good 45 minutes, kneeling over my body yet sitting on the bed I watch a little tiny LED light from a cable box in the kitchen as it turns into a giant ass vortex. I am blown away and just sit there watching with my mouth ajar.
This is when the rapid, emotional thinking started to happen. I finally laid down on my bed and watched my ceiling as fractals glided across it. I wondered over and over why that kid had attacked me, what was in it for him. I drew the conclusion that he was an irrational person and that irrational people aren't even worth thinking about anyways. I began to think about many aspects of my life and what's wrong with them and what I've done wrong and what I can do to make it better. I started thinking about how I want to live in solitude for the rest of my life as some humans are just not to be trusted ( I assume I get these thoughts from my experience with Craig). I think about how today was a life lesson and how it should not be ignored, and then I think that every day is a life lesson and that there is something to learn from everyday you are alive. I start having the most beautiful thoughts and I cry twice. I felt like some kind of divine enlightenment had whacked me in the face with a reality check about who my friends really were, who I really was, and what I should start doing to better myself. I think and think and think for a good 3 hours until I could feel the effects start to die down, which is when I break out the pen and paper.
I write down every thought I consider worth saving on the paper, I only manage to find one sheet though. Before I know it the paper is filled and it is daylight outside. The visual aspect of the trip had really died down and I went outside to suck up the last bits of it. My thoughts slow down and I reached this moment of pure emptiness where I started to think of absolutely nothing at all. I look down at a yellow flower and it's stem starts to reach out and rotate in different ways. About an hour later and the trip is over, it lasted nearly 7 or 8 hours.
After the trip I looked at the notes I had scrawled and started to recall about the things I was wondering about whilst tripping.
Here are some long term changes I notice that happened and that I relate to the trip. The trip really exposed the side of me that I think I denied even existed.
I successfully managed to quit cigarettes. ( I was addicted to them for a full year, since I was fifteen)
I started living in much more clean, organized conditions.
I stopped hanging out with people who I considered to be bad influences.
I stopped drinking alcohol altogether. (I had always had problems with alcohol, it just made me feel stupid. But I still drank occasionally, all my friends did.)
I became much more curious. I started researching and learning things just for fun, reading became fun and talking to people and hearing their opinions on things became a daily recreational activity for me.
Made less assumptions both in general and about other people and their personal lives. (I hated when people made assumptions about me, so now I play the better person)
Started watching what I eat, became much more fit.
Became more open to other people's opinions. (For some reason, during the trip, I kept having this recurring thought that I needed to gather as many opinions as possible before making a decision.)
Those changes probably sounded very vague and broad and they may also sound irrelevant to my shroom trip, but hey that's not what really matters is it?
What matters is that I learned a great deal that day, and shrooms really helped me to explore thoughts I otherwise would probably have ignored.
My first trip with magic mushrooms was the first in a series folks :) These little decomposers are god's communication device and we can all learn from them.
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