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Two Encounters with the Supposed Spirit World
Recalling two of my oddest psychedelic experiences.
This is a report that covers two mushroom experiences that were relatively similar in subject matter; the subject in this case being spirits, something that drastically separated these occasions from my numerous other experiences. As somebody who struggles between the "rational" and "irrational" parts of my mind, I find myself partially in denial about the absolute realness of what I experienced on these two particular experiences. I found myself fighting with myself about whether the origin of the feelings had been drug-fueled delusion or something feasible, and although now I tend to regard it as delusion, a part of me still wonders "If it exists in my mind, then doesn't it have to exist on some level?" After all, who are we to label that reality delusional when our sober reality could be criticized in the same way? Reality is to me, the most surreal and indefinite of all concepts.
It had started like the come on of any other mushroom experience. I don't recall the dosage as my method for dosing at this time was to eat the mushrooms until I had the gut feeling that I had taken enough. I lay down in my bed, and looked forward to the profound effects that I knew were coming. Now I know, after the whole of my experiences, that mushrooms are not predictable in any sense, but instead they create a subjectively alternate reality that could be built from any different number of ideas or emotions. Perhaps it's noteworthy that a close family friend had died recently, and that I had just days before attended the funeral. Mortality was on my mind, and I knew it, but I figured I would have thoughts about the physical aspects of dying, not the mysterious or metaphysical theories of what happens after.
The beautiful, earthy tones of "Give Up The Ghost" by Radiohead played in the background as the effects took hold. I stood in the middle of my bed-room and swayed to the music as my mind expanded, and very suddenly I had the sensation that I had been transformed into a tree. I swayed with the imaginary wind in rhythm with the imagined trees and was for a good amount of time, simply a tree. This was weirdly euphoric and joyful, rather then bizarre and I expected a easygoing experience based on the positive vibes I began feeling. I laid down in the cotton folds of my bed and quickly ascended into the peak of the experience. Up until this point it had been pretty typical as far as psychedelic sensation (introspective thoughts, mild visuals morphing the environment, a profound sense of beauty and creativity, etc.) but this is where the experience suddenly took a turn for the weird and bizarre. I feel like many people would have considered what's to come to be a "bad trip" for I was confronted with many a frightening thing, but I was so amazed that the fear was repressed.
I quickly began to notice not only what seemed like a foreign presence in the room, but inside of my mind as well. The visuals quickly changed from indifferent and interesting to sinister. The colors of the clothes scattered on my floor seemed like they were hideously rotting, bringing to mind images of dark colored molds, and the patterns on the stained wood of my door ominously stretched out across space to me. There seemed to be this intangible doom or evil creeping inside of everything, some sort of living energy. I for a moment tried to escape back to my reality (foolishly thinking I could) by turning on the TV. "The Office" came on the screen, but not like I've ever witnessed a television show. The bodies of the characters would move, but their heads would stay still positioned directly at me, just staring into my soul. I felt like an energy was being channeled through the television, and ghostly patterns of faces suddenly started appearing all over the characters bodies. I turned it off quickly, and was then greeted with one of the oddest things I've ever experienced.
Thoughts would enter my head that I had no control of, the thoughts would be responses to my thoughts or what seemed like prying attempts to communicate with me. There was the most palpable sense of a foreign, indescribable conscious presence that I could imagine feeling. It felt like something was trying to take ahold of me, and climb inside of my head so that it could communicate with me, but it had a distinctly sinister presence and I instinctively kept blocking it out. I was drawn to the reflection of myself in the mirror, super-imposed over the image of my neighbor's ghostly house in the darkness. Whenever I would look at my reflection, I would feel the presence stronger than ever and then the distinct feeling of being watched through the eyes of my reflection. It was an eery and helpless feeling, but I was in complete wonder. If I kept looking which was admittedly hard to do because of the nightmarish essence of the sensation, my reflection would morph in hideous and horrifying ways, becoming distorted abstract versions of myself with the gazing eyes still visible. For my whole life I had written the "paranormal" off as superstition, but in this psychedelic reality I was thoroughly convinced that I had been wrong the whole time. The day after I regarded it as complex delusion, but it just was so unbelievably real at the time, and I would be a close-minded psychonaut if I didn't atleast acknowledge the possibilities of nearly anything, let alone of other realms, perhaps spiritual realms. The sinister presence faded away after my name being repeatedly beamed into my thought pattern. Throughout this experience, I felt as if there was something very ancient about the presence.
This experience also was involved with the idea of spirits. I had taken a what seemed like relatively small dosage of all the accumulated mushroom dust and shreds in the bottom of a bag, but it really goes to show that you never know how much psilocybin will be in your dosage because I ended up getting my hypothetical ass kicked by this trip. I was coming up for an hour or two, and it was very pleasant but I could tell that this would not be recreational in any sense. Out of nowhere, when I was immersed in a deep trance by the psychedelic music emitting playfully from my speakers, a massive vision seemed to be forcefully beamed into my mind and it shot across my entire range of awareness. The vision was of an abnormal, alien entity with a long neck and strange head comprised of strange and unfamiliar colors, it reared it's head and stained my psyche for a few startling moments. The vision was one of the most vivid things I've seen on mushrooms and that's a lot for me to say.
As I realized I was just beginning to feel the full onset, I felt the distinct presence of the alien entity or spirit surrounding me. It beamed what seemed like millions of mental images and ideas into my head at speeds so fast that I could not differentiate between them, and could not maintain even a split second of focus on anything. I writhed on my bed in some sort of torment for a psychedelic eternity as my head seemed to explode with the unrelenting race of information and images entering my conscious mind. I rolled over and a black shirt on the ground became unusually focused on, it channeled a spiritual presence that I distinctly remember recognizing as Aztec-esque although I had seldom read about them. I felt the exact same sensation as the first report where thoughts would enter my head trying to communicate with my conscious thoughts, deeply foreign and strange. The onslaught of information came to a rest and turned away from the shirt that had seemed to be communicating with me as it was profoundly disturbing.
I was then overcome with the feeling that I was a dying animal in the forest. I felt at first terror, but then I succumbed and accepted the idea of death. I was exhausted and felt like if I were to somehow fall asleep in this madness that I would instantly die. The faint outlines of what seemed like angelic spirits hovered above me, and I felt as if I was finally at my fatal departure, but instead an intense healing energy came over me and all of the uneasiness dissipated.
These are two of the most bizarre mushroom trips I've embarked on, and there has been a lot of bizarre experiences. These sort of experiences where an alternate reality is integrated make me wonder if experiences like the two listed above are purely delusion, or if the mind is just capable of perceiving otherworldly or other-dimensional information when our neurochemistry is altered.
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