Amazing but frightening.

Hi there, fellow shroomers. Today, i will be writing about a trip i had two weeks ago. This was my second trip on mushrooms, the first time was great but i felt that being with others was holding back the full potential of the trip. So, i decided to trip by myself. I ate a little over 4 grams. My plan was to go out into nature, or take a walk in the park, and see where it leads me. before i even left my house, my walls were starting to fractal on me, and the edges of objects started to look like they were crawling. So off to the park i went, and at this particular park theres many statues, which i usually enjoy looking at as theyre creative and colorful. Im still coming up at this point, but I noticed a definite change in my thought process. i start analyzing myself, my life, and everything around me. I was thinking i must look like a huge idiot to the people at the park with this big goofy cartoonish grin on my face. I start to regret taking these alone, as i started getting lost in thought, and wishing i had someone to talk to and share my experience with as i had enough for a friend to join me on this journey. I started thinking, im tripping but not really having fun, and start falling into the ever so familiar ego death. i have experienced this with DMT before, which is what taught me psychedelics are not all fun and games, they can, and will at one point or another kick your ass. So i decide to call up my brother D, who agrees to meet me some ways from the park. as i walk down the street in the direction that i'm meeting D, i notice the street is how i could only describe as swerving back and forth, and the trees are ever so vibrant and alive. Everything became for defined, and seemed to have a glowing aura around it. i was starting to enjoy meyslf more as i was going to go meet up with my brother. I had to cross a major street tripping (dont trip near or by busy streets if your not familiar with what your on, your depth perception is off) which was a little confusing but i did it. I walk up to my brother, huge smile on my face and he chuckles and says, you're tripping arent you? i reply with an even bigger smile. we begin to walk back towards the park, and i keep laughing at everything my brother says eben if its the slightest bit funny. This is where my peak sets in, things start changing colors, my world starts swaying so violenty it almost went vertigo. i look at a tree and it starts swirling, the ice cream man comes to the park, playing its tune, and this tripped me out because it was just so trippy, this was the hardest ive tripped on mushrooms. theis is where my trip starts to turn sinister, my brother starts venting to me about our parents, life, everything. and it starts to bring my mood down because he was just being so negative. we start walking home, im tripping complete balls now. i start getting a weird tingling sensation in my hand, and it feels REALLY swollen. i look at it and it seems fine, so i ask my brother "does my hand look swollen to you?" he says no your good. i start to worry that i couldve messed up on my grow (first grow) and poisened myself and may die. this really freaks me out, because my hand feels as if its bulging, and that i may have to get my hand amputated, or go to the hospital. I don't show it on the outside, because my brother wouldnt know how to react and i didnt want to scare him. i was thinking about googling mushroom poisioning/deaths on my phone, but i was completely incapable of using it at the time. It's easy to see how someone could really mess themselves up playing with fungi, one wrong move, and you can get something completely different than what you were wanting. i try not to focus on my hand, because i wasnt having a bad trip, and i didnt want it to turn into one. At this point my brother goes to meet his girlfriend, and says he'll see me at home. So i put on my music, and just keep walking to the beat, and with the rythem of everything as everything was dancing to my music as well. I suppose because my brother was being so negative it just put me in a sour mood. i start having really violent thoughts, like beating someone up bad just for fun, and I'm not like this at all. i recently got set up by this kid and had a lot of anger built up that i didnt release yet. i wait for someone on the street to say something slick to me so i can go off. I thought to myself, what the hell am i thinking? now i can see how people go nuts on hallucinogens and do some really crazy shit. I snapped myself out of it and just kept moving along. Im still peaking, so i find a nice secluded field where i just go sit and think about the mysteries of life, how we exist, other dimesions coexisting within ours, time and space, heaven and hell, and where im going in life. this was very deep to me as i havent really faced myself and really thought about where i want to be in the next five years. I'm only getting older, and i don't want to waste away time that can't be brought back doing nothing, i want to be somebody in this world and i need to do what i have to do to be that person. after a long while of thinking, i decide to go home. I feel refreshed, and in an upbeat mood, this makes my parents happy, and i played with my dog they way i did when i was younger and this made me happy because everybody was happy, and vice versa. I'm pretty much at baseline now, and worn out physically and mentally, so for the rest of the night i spend time with my family and soon after go to bed. This trip has definitely changed me, I am more productive with my time, and am more goal oriented, I feel that i have gained some insight about myself and the world around me. This trip showed me mushrooms are a powerful gift, and should not be looked at as a toy, these can change you for the better or for the worse. for me, it's been for the better. Much respect to Mushrooms. Thank you for reading, and Safe tripping!