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First trip - level 5
Enlightening and terrifying
Heading out on a bush track, I ate an unknown (Preconsidered low) dry dose of mushrooms (p. subaeruginosa which I found) on a 20 hour stomach if not consuming any food with a notebook and pens, planning on hopefully seeing a few visuals with some waterfalls. Having tried a few wet a few nights previously they had tasted fairly fine and an enjoyable, mostly placebo display of colour and causing me to laugh a lot. The dry mushrooms tasted repulsive and I fought the urge to heave, chewing them up and holding them in my mouth for about 5 minutes. Five minutes later and a short way down the track I feel very tired probably from the lack of food and I spot a rock that provides a nice view of the area, although still below the treetops. The sun sparkles wildly through the tree cover extra brightly. The short climb is a struggle and once I'm atop it the visuals begin kicking in hard. The trees ripple before me jumping in and out of focus. I laugh at the display and move to put on some music. As I scroll through the artists, I'm astounded by the layers of text blurring into a stream as I scroll, the writing taking a while to catch up. The trees vividly ripple with the music and I stand up. The rock at my feet morphs and droops. The song finishes and I plan to continue along the track. Changing the second song is a struggle as my short term memory seems to have somewhat dissolved and I eventually find the song. My body feels light and clumsy and my legs wobble.
I feel very useless and confined in my clumsy body which incoordinately staggers through the bush, my mind bouncing waves into the trees. I feel almost my mind has been rubberised and stretched in strange ways. I'm smiling and chuckle a lot although when I do it echoes back in a voice that isn't my own. Taking a piss was difficult and it took me a while to get myself back into my clothing.
I arrive eventually at the waterfall and collapse on a mossy rock; although extremely difficult to remain focused on anything, the waterfall looked amazing; the rocks zig-zagging and seeming to slide off one another with the water blurring. I stick my earphones back in to counter the deadening sound of the water which reverberates everywhere. I drift out of consciousness and when I come to I have a profound experience; the waterfall has visually mimicked that of a different waterfall in my mind that slowly dissolves into it's reality. It takes a while for me to realize where I am, my brain jumping around the scenery from different locations. All the greenery, especially the moss looks like a red/blue 3d image without the glasses. I'm made aware of my aching body and the green was becoming overwhelming and decide to make it my goal to get some food; so I head for the track exit. I encounter the same places a few times and backtrack a lot, falling twice, the world a vivid, green spinning blur, taking forever to regain my feet.
Feeling hot, I must have taken at least 5 minutes to take my jacket off and getting it in my bag was a whole other story. It seemed to spill in all directions and the zippers were at weird angles that made it difficult to correlate where my fingers should go. When I tried to focus on something visually the surrounding area would ripple, objects in my peripherals randomly coming into focus.
I stopped and tried to do my bag up a number of times after failed attempts and ended up hugging it instead. I encounter a person on the track yet only realize I saw them after they had past me as I stagger onward. I don't know what I was thinking at this point trying to get to the shops for food, but I clung to it as my last remnant of visual reality. A memorable point I encountered an incredibly enlightening experience where I was all the high politicians and celebrities at their completely base human, emotional form. Seeing their similarities and vulnerabilities as humans was empowering and is hard to describe. I think I exit the track multiple times and finally emerge and I remember little from that point until collapsing on a spot of grass near the shopping car park;
I'd passed people and I just wished they would stay away from me. They all seemed against me. I knew I was far beyond a conversation, I couldn't even think of words anymore, let alone an item of food.
There I lay paralyzed in the grass unable to barely move my arms.
Every time I managed to open my eyes I was greeted by sky and clouds which exploded in symmetrical patterns and random colour.
Mu whole body shivered with cold in my lapses of conciousness, but was unable to move, completely incapacitated by my overwhelming thoughts which pumped vivid images of unexplainable dimensions into my head. Maybe three times with the most extreme effort I was able to raise my head or at least turn it enough to see my surroundings. Everything I saw seemed to contradict everything else and every time I managed this I appeared to be in another strange realm; nothing can describe how abstract things were existing and I seemed to have no place in them. Their features were somewhat of reality but I did not recognise them from my life. Every thought and visual stemmed from the theory of existence and the point of anything existing at all. I was stuck in a terrifying endless loop of hopelessness of the absence of reason for these things and my own existence. My brain was pushing hard to struggle for this comprehension and it stressed me out.
I was far beyond any remnant if enjoyment at this point, having previously been going with the unexpectedly intense flow of the trip, by the time I was unable to move my arms and shivering with cold; every resurface into consciousness was very stressful and filled with dread; I knew the trip would eventually pass but had no clue as to how long I would have to endure this state. I experienced an endless stream of crazy contradictions, at multiple points completely forgetting who I was and why I was here, but in the back if my mind I clung to the hope of reason of this question being answered and remembered in my normal reality at the end of the trip; in these semi- conscious states I knew it would end and my purpose would flood back. I also feared for the state of my body in these moments. I could feel myself shivering and remembered I was hungry, but my body was numb, senses blended into one.
My drift back I cannot recall.
I open my eyes and am greeted with focus. It takes me a while to realise I can move my arms and I slowly stand up. I keep expecting to revolt into another abstract place.
Looking around, everything looks two dimensional and I realise I'm probably dreaming. It feels extremely awkward to move my limbs and I feel as though everything I am seeing is floating above the earth. I experiment ducking under a railing, I seem to be in control. I stand cold and shivering, quickly realizing I have relieved my bladder at some point while lying there. It felt like one of those dreams where you need to piss in real life so you spend the dream finding a toilet. I walk and look at people, expecting to wake up, things and objects start to become more familiar and realistic to reality and then I slowly retrace my mind to eating the bunch if dried shrooms. I refuse to believe the world I am in is real, yet everything is becoming more accurate to what I remember this place to actually be. Im obviously not thinking straight; have I gone back in time? I only fully realise I'm in reality when I arrive home; someone has dropped my bag at my house and A was about to call the police; obviously worried I was missing, having lost my bag along with my wallet with cards.
Even now as I type this hours after, the roof above me swims and looking at the wall causes expansion and
patterns.
I can't say I'll be trying them again anytime soon especially at such a high dose, but I can't say I've been turned off them indefinitely.
Edit - its the day after and after studying my experience I can say the events leading up to my peak were all a positive enlightening experience. I went deep into my feelings and connections of people I know and my perception of the world. We will never truly know why we are here or why things exist at all but all we can do is enjoy the time we have.
Mushrooms are a way provided to us to help explore these wonders and discover new meanings for life and I will surely try them again.
Thanks for reading.
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