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Dissolution of self
My ego death
Ok, so this is my first trip report and I will try my best to explain in detail what happened. Last night, my wife suggested I shroom, kind of as a pre fathers day treat. So I measured out 7 dried grams and prepared. I drank a lot of water and ate a small meal around 5:00p.m. After we put our 8 month old to bed, this was around 9:30p.m, I ingested all 7 grams. It took roughly 30-35 minutes before the room became extremely bright. Darkness was non existent. I got excited and my wife and I decided to step outside the house. I walked outside and immediately knew it was coming on hard. Parts of the yard were recently dug up and replanted with grass so it was slightly uneven. The tallest grass was this deep orange color and the medium grass was a red hue. The patterns of the grass were highly illuminated, like I was looking at a puzzle pieced together. The large tree looked two dimensional, like someone cut it out of paper and layered it in front my eyes. Street lights were dim compared to the light of the world. I felt as though I could see for miles. I was telling my wife what I saw, when the yawn came. The yawn is my wife's favorite part of watching me trip because following the yawn comes a loud, high pitched laugh that is so hard I can't breathe, I drool, snot and gasp for air and my eyes produce enough tears to fill a small shot glass. She said to me, "oh no! Here comes the she laugh!" and I proceeded to laugh hysterically and almost collapsed. After what seemed like 15 minutes of laughing, I collected myself long enough to get back into the house. I thought my trip was leveled out... But I was very wrong.
I got back into the house and we went back to the bedroom, it wasn't even long enough to take off both socks that reality disappeared and proceeded to step into an abyss of silence. It was dark, cold, and silent. I had no sense of being, no sense of thought or action. I was just being. My wife was talking to me, but it was as though we were separated by barrier of being. She was living in reality, and while my physical body was in the room, my conscience was trapped in the abyss. I would cross back over once in a while to hear my wife asking me if I was ok. All I could say was, "what baby?" before I was dragged back into my hole. This proceeded for what I imagine was a long time. I felt isolated, and while I had no sense of time, when I crossed back over into reality, my wife was asleep. I was on the floor, feeling like I couldn't breathe. I felt disoriented, lost and alone. I tried to speak, but the abyss kept my voice in the darkness. I clambered for the bathroom, running into the book shelf and the wall. I turned the light on, but I still couldn't see anything. I returned to the bedroom and face planted onto the bed. I felt as though I was dying. My wife woke up due to me grunting, she asked me, is it getting better or worse, and I could only say worse. While it was happening, I was terrified, clenching onto my gallon of water like a lifeline to living. My head was exploding and I kept asking my wife, "baby, can I go to sleep?" "baby, I don't feel good, can I lay down?" and I was stuck on repeat. No matter what she said or asked me that's all I could respond with. At one point I was lying down an still asking her if it was ok for me to lay down. I was laying there, feeling like death was slowly washing over me, trying to cling on to my existence with everything I had. It wasn't long before I decided to give up, I was so exhausted, tired of fighting, weak and ready to go. I gave up and let it wash over me like a warm blanket. I lose consciousness for what seemed like a moment. When I came to, I felt like I was reborn. Everything in the universe was I, and I was the universe. Everything in the world suddenly made sense. Then it dawned on me, my ego took its final fall this night. I have been reborn in the existence with the knowledge of ancients. I proceeded to speak to myself as I was answering the questions of all things. The universe was speaking through me, uncontrollably I proceeded to babble for what felt like hours. I have reached my spiritual divinity. Then I realized, that the pain had to come before the comfort. To be awarded with the ability of being reborn, you must first let your old "self" perish in the darkness. When the universe finally ceased the flow of information, I farted and fell asleep. This morning, I feel amazing, renewed and replenished. I'm spending the day with my son and my wife and just relaxing.