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A state of being and non being
My case is I am sure one of the most unique ones out there like many others.
Before starting my mushroom trip. Ill give a little bit of background on myself so that people out here reading this can understand or some idea on what was going on.
In my current life, I am yoga teacher, spiritualist, Junior scientist, innovator, entrepreneur, sports person, person who maintains his own diary sometimes writing the deepest of thoughts in the form of poetry and sometimes quotes, the diary also contains how I will change world through my innovations.
I wake up everyday morning thanking the conscious cosmos for helping me, be. Then I get fresh and perform Yoga and Meditation. I have now had 8 years of performing Yoga and few years in meditation as it requires higher levels of concentration. In a single day I carry both spirituality in one hand and science in another and I always look forward to connect them. Till now I have had blissful experiences just performing meditation.
But life comes with challenges, many of my friends out there think i am shutting of my doors to other realities of matter life and they think that outer body experience, mediation is the just a phenomenon of mind. Whereas I consider conscious separate from body. they think its just a brain phenomenon.
Before this mushroom trips I never did take any sort of drugs except marijuana. Do not drink alcohol or even coffee. Vegetarian at heart and in life. Don't like partying either. Very much along the lines of scientist or yogi. To me the result is an illusion, we are continuous beings and path is very important. That is why I choose the path of meditation rather than drugs. However, I am person of experimentation and I tried mushrooms. and the main reason why I did mushrooms cause my friend mentioned its a ego death experience and a spiritualist and meditator like me would understand what it means so I went forward.
Me, my friend Sari and Yangos decided to do mushrooms in forest. That day morning we bought some fruits and water with us. Sari my friend also got some mystical, deep house music. Now we went there and found a good spot where there no people around, only once in 30 mins will someone be found walking or jogging. So we gradually settled down on our spots, Sari had done this before so me and Yangos were following him. He gave both of us 3 grams of shrooms and we ate it gradually. it took around 20 mins for me to trip out. They were having nice lower level experiences like seeing beautiful colors and scenery in nature.
However, they expected least out of me and it happened with. For the next 1 hour what they saw and what I went through was next to impossible.
For the first 20 mins, I went from level 1, to 2 to 3 and to 4. A little bit in 5 for a fraction of second but from what I read out here, it was mostly level 4.
In level 3, I saw everything had a heart beat, everything was thumping with life, could see blending nature and we being a wild part of it.
I also saw flies becoming bigger, very clear, my sound was as still as I have had deep experiences with meditation, completely quiet and still.
Then it was level 4 and a HULK came out of me.
I totally went through Objects blending into one another. I saw Sari and Yangos blend into nature. My ego was splitting at multiple spots. There was a point in time where I was in me and Yangos at a same time. I could see his perception completely. While this was happening, the toxins were hurting my body like anything cause a person whose life starts with yoga is free of toxins. So scientifically my brain was not prepared to take strong dosage.
Contradictions were at its best, confusion to extreme and I saw visual experience in my mind, the collision of Time and Space entity, me at center and here it was zero state, the state was there but there was nothing. absolutely nothing. Then what was happening was that I would go in that off state( out of body) and on state where I would come back has hulk asking billions of the questions, screaming like anything, breaking things, asking for water but spitting all out. I crushed all fruits that we got with us, crushed the speaker through which we were listening music.
The ecstatic part of this was that senses were blended and a person from science background i was aware and i was aware spiritually too. But the pain was out of this universe. My friends were trying to calm me down, but it was just too much. out of control, pure destruction. My friend yangos told me to look at sun and i saw only sun everything blank and the beam of light occurring out of it like a quasar going into blackhole, and the next thing i would experience is nothingness. THe identity was flying from one realm and dimension to another in off state, in on state I would come and ask the them the most difficult questions of all. In the midst of all, I saw a bright light for fraction of a second and said "Thats it", this was a state in which nothing mattered anymore, no needs, no wants, no desires, no past, no present, no future, no matter, no vibrations, no waves, no thoughts, no I. It was complete destruction at that point and I just let it go to where it was taking me. In this sense of destruction, i had a sense of "i", i kept on going in the loop then "I want to go home, I need water, Change music, I need a hug, spoke names of my loved ones" everything just came out, the treasure, the void, the senses all just came out.
The trip was like vomitting myself. The most wonderful thing about the trip was Sari hugged me and that source of love was calming me down. He also knows my mystical, aware nature. He asked me "who is the master?" he was hinting at my own strength and a master within. In the midst of extreme mental violence, I had a question, "who can contain this bubble?" I saw myself as a extreme entity like sun and I felt like who can contain this bubble? Sure I was hinting at cosmic conscious/ God/ or whatever you wanna call, and it was only more beautiful that this trip showed me another perception of what there is to be a reality. How beautiful, loving and caring a universe is and can be.
I am sure in front of the violence of universe reality containing life does not exists, even time does not exists in front of this violence at thought level. And after this trip, now I not only thank cosmic conscious, but give a hug every morning for the care its taking for all the violence, all the ignorance, all the hatred, all the love, all the symphony without a single question.
This trip made me stronger within, I may never do any drugs again. But I will move faster in the path of yoga. Conquering self is the only way out.
And this showed me how peaceful, lovely and full of smile response was actually calming me down in the midst of violence. I saw how awareness is superset of science. I saw how we are our own masters guiding the very existence.
While drugs are out of my life almost 99.9% and my belief confirmed the mysterious ness of drugs. I believe in the path of beauty, conquering void with love, without any side effects, guiding others without any danger. And I am sure when I will reach the highest state of myself with my own actions without any external support, the experience will be the most mysterious and blissful one. Cause I mastered it.
Thank you all
Lots of love to all life there is
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