Started with a three day fast (no food, no water) which was unusually difficult because of my soda addiction. My tongue was like leather in my mouth. Pepsico really is a diabolical company.
Broke fast with about 80g of fresh cubensis B+ between 1 and 4 days old and some yogurt. Most had their caramel color, some were turning gray at the edges. Ate a few caps starting at 7:30AM and didn't like the taste, then blended the rest (stems and caps) with 3 cups of peach yogurt. It tasted shroomy, but not too bad. Finished eating about 7:40. Note: body weight is 205 lbs. Sodas.
Effects hit at 8:05. Can still type fine.
8:08 Whoah. More spacey, still good motor control, no visuals. I never get open eye visuals anyway.
8:10 Start reading the Beatitudes on-line. Matthew chapter 5. Verse 11 seems to apply to the shrooms.
8:18 Okay, I'm really feeling the shrooms. I learn from verse 32 that I am an adulterer. I am my wife's third husband. Just goes to show you, adultery isn't always bad.
8:25 The shroom seems to come on in waves. Maybe 10 minutes apart. Or like sets of waves. My stomach is a little queazy, but I think that's pretty normal for eating almost a quart of yogurt. I would like to take a nap, but in the interest of whoever reads this I will continue writing.
8:30 Still no visuals. Can type normally. Okay, now I remember. The shroom expands my mind. That's all, and it's magnificent. I can still type and think and reason, but it's inside an expanded mind! Good thing I ate that yogurt, it'll hold me for hours.
8:35 Oh yeah, I'm in now. I hate to waste this time on mundane things. The expanded mind. Lets give it something to ponder.
Matthew 5:48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is perfect.
In the moment, you can be perfect. You can be one with God, in the moment. Over time, forget it. You will always fall short and then that shortcoming propagates forward like a bulldozer over the infinite series of moments.
So you have to give up that linear way of thinking, you see, that time is a series of one thing leads to another. I mean it is, but that's not all it is. There is causality, and we see that. e.g.
I think therefore I am.
Any action produces an equal and opposite reaction.
E = mc^2.
Now, what if you take time out of the equation? (another shroom wave hits [8:50]) Then the energy loses its context. Remember, energy is computed as power times time. Without time, power is meaningless. And this is a key point, because there is no time.
Not in a poetic sense, there is simply no time. It's not real. Time is not real. Okay, I will not labor the non-existence of time. That is self-evident in the expanded state of mind.
The expanded state of mind is our natural state, and we are born to experience an existence without it. A kind of a collective dream. But don't get lost. Hear me: DO NOT BECOME LOST. Man, it is the ultimate trip, mortality is, but DON'T GET LOST.
Mortality is the ultimate psychedelic trip. You get into this space, and you don't know which way is up or down. You get pushed down a birth canal and a doctor slaps you! And that's just the beginning! You remember, well, you know how when a trip is coming on you're still grounded in reality? And reality melts away? That's what being born must be like. A slow descent into madness.
Do you get that? You don't have to take the "heroic dose" of ayahuasca. You've already done it. You had seen others do it. You saw the ugliness, the terror, the tragedy, and still...
Here you are. But remember: DON'T GET LOST.
You have been told that a third of us refused outright to even play this game, and rebelled against our creator (even outside the veil of forgetting!) and were "cast out". But you, you "got it". You were game to the whole thing. Oh, you knew what was on the line: Everything. But the possibility of triumph (and it was all to God, please don't get me wrong, the ego is construct of our age) was too much to pass up.
And to be born at the turning of the age, I mean, damn! That's some cojones. What were you thinking? The risk of losing yourself is so high, and you wanted to jump into that maelstrom! What an adventurer! Hats off to you, my friend. Even if you don't make it back you will be forever in our hearts.
And we will forever mourn you, so please, please listen to us. If you only knew. If you could only feel. Oh, our precious sons. Oh, our precious daughters. Please listen. Remember who you are. DON'T BECOME LOST! Please understand: YOU MUST NOT become lost. But that is your choice to make. We cannot tell you what to do, but you can ask us. And our hearts cannot refuse. But make no mistake. This, this mortality thing, is serious. You might not make it back. And if you don't, the pain (our pain) will never end.
Having said that, and feeling that dwelling on the hazards is a misuse of time, I will turn my attention to other things. You can see influence of the God mind in the previous paragraph. I think that you, dear reader, would want me to explore this God mind further. So yes, under the circumstances, that would be a prudent thing to do.
Now, at 10AM, please forgive my for my brief interlude, but I was going to try to pick the lottery numbers in my "expanded mind state" but it strikes me as absurd. They (the numbers) all have equal probability of coming out. The notion of looping back knowledge of the outcome for one thing is just ridiculous (and thank you for the good laugh) and nonsensical. Do yourself a favor. Even if you don't listen to your expanded mind (and please don't become offended that I speak for it) then listen to logic. The lottery is just so much trivial nonsense. Yes, if you want to play, play. The worst that can happen is you win.
Now I will have to explain the apparent contradiction of the previous sentence, because the reader will not be in the God mind. It's simply self-evident to me right now, but for you dear reader, because I love you, I will go on. Money fuels the ego, which is a necessary but artificial construct of the situation in which you find yourself. Do you think us so small that we will not care for your physical needs? Are you insane? Oh, sorry, silly question. We love you. Not in the meaning of the silly earth language constraints, but we really really love you. "I LOVE YOU" a million times over, beyond numbers, beyond words, beyond everything. Now, will money change anything?
At this point, dear reader, you will say "Yes" and we will all have a good laugh at how fucked up you are. What a lovely game! Just remember, don't lose yourself in the game. The game of mortality, just to remind you. Don't lose your head. It's funny that it took the shrooms for me to actually find my head. And my head, free of its usual fetters, is entitled to speak. And thus:
I do not need to explain your society's control matrix. You can look that up.
I do not need to explain your function in life. You can look inside yourself.
I do not need to explain how to not get lost. See above.
For the benefit of those that will not look inside themselves, I have given prophets.
Your prophets speak words of truth. Heed their words. Do not worship the messenger, they are only human.
There is an urge to go back and edit this log. Rather than do that, I will leave the errors in place because they will be indicative of my state of mind. The mind has many peculiarities that might be explored as it finds its way to oneness.
Back to the previous thought: the prophets have vital importance, to keep you from getting lost. If their meanings have been distorted through the filters of language and ideology, don't take offense. The message is in there. As usual, it will be necessary for you to look inside yourself to process it .
Disclaimer: I have never experienced ayahuasca, DMT, LSD, or any other of the "drugs" that your control matrix has deemed unworthy of exploration. My ego inside of the game of civilization has opted to go along with the control paradigm as its expression of servitude to the oneness .
So please don't take offense, I ostracise these teachers because of my ego's entrapment in the memes of the age.
And please don't judge me "good" because I have complied with your laws. To be judged "good" because of not committing an offense is in some ways worse than the offense itself. At least the offense has some reality to it.
Finally, there's the obvious situation of the writer in the expanded mind state, confronted with the natural bigotry of the age, who says "Don't peek behind the curtain". You have to appreciate the delicious irony of a meme that distorts service to The One into these circular and odd shapes that, frankly, we wouldn't have thought of in a billion years. And believe me, we tried.
With that out of the way, I come to my point. Of life being like an ayahuasca trip. There's the throwing up part, the diarriah part, the terror of the trip, and remember this is only from what I've read. You have these people who pay a pretty nice sum of money for shamans to administer to them, and to babysit them through, an ayahuasca ceremony. And so I (if I may speak for the ego) read about these ayahuasca adventures and see the similarity. By an amazing coincidence (again with the ego) the ayahuasca thing is a lot like the mortality thing.
Right? Does your entrapped ego mind see that too? I mean for it to be obvious in the carnal state says something in itself. It's the irony of a trip within a trip. But okay, let's back off a bit. Let's accept that some redundancy may be necessary. The primary rule of the game is DON'T LOSE YOURSELF, and you do what you have to do to comply with that rule.
The secondary rule of the game is love. In fact, it's that one thing that will keep you from losing yourself. The great risk, and the great tragedy, is that the you (the ego) that grew in the vacuum of apparent Oneness refuses to tap into its power. Yes, it's the tragedy played over and over again through the ages. You give into the blindless instead of simply opening your eyes and seeing: love.
And so, dear reader, we find the writer in an expanded mind state. Still with adequate motor skills to type and with no "trippy effects" in the classical sense except for a peculiar ability to go into aspects of the God mind at will.
And so, instead of sitting back and marveling at this glorious cosmic symphony of life and creation, and trust me, you would do well to just sit back and marvel, I will try to enlighten my brethren who are stuck in a more limited perspective.
And so, the writing continues.
Yes, dear reader, you are looking for a message. Where can we start?
First, don't worry. Do you have love in your heart? No matter where you go, or what you do, as long as you keep that love alive, it will always guide you home. You will never be lost.
So I must drive home this point: If you always have love in your heart, you will never be lost. And that is always our primary concern.
Of course, your concerns are different. I will deliver the ego perspective. You want to feel good. Food in the belly, getting laid, not being out in the cold. Sure, we're down with that.
But don't lose sight of the bigger picture. It ain't just you. Remember that love that's in your heart? Well, it's pulling us all home. Don't hinder the process. Just go with it. You didn't jump into the heart of the maelstrom for nothing. Find the love and don't let go. Hang on like your life depends on it. Because it does.
Tell me, dear reader, are these the words of a "stoner"? Consider these words, words of a man the world judges to be sane (a peculiar endorsement indeed) who happens to be in what he considers an expanded state of consciousness.
For those of you who find value in my words, I continue exploring the God mind. And so, to my first message of "don't worry", I add:
Drive the process. Remember that force that's pulling us all home? Make it happen. Make that motherfucker happen. Remember who you are. Wake the fuck up! Collect your head. Assess the situation. You're in a freakin' firefight, and nobody's in charge. And the few "take charge" guys hollering out orders are clearly insane!
Okay. What have you got? The love that's in your heart. Check. Phew, good thing, or I'd really be screwed. Second: wits. Man, that was a long time coming. Maybe I can intelligently return fire. Okay, what makes any sense? Love. Load up the forward 50s and let 'em have it. Jesus gave you all the ammo you need!
How do you "do" love? There's no end. That's the creation. Creation isn't just some thing that happened, it's happening right now, and we are making it happen! Nothing is lost. Nothing! No moment is lost, it's all savored by the Oneness and all of the little egos that are its spawn. But dude, don't waste it. Life is so precious, I mean, damn it's so awesome and we squander it on the profane.
And not only is this creation happening now, this is what it's all been leading up to, the turning of the age! Who'd have even imagined?! You, here, now! You've seen it coming, the technology, the thought forms, the awakening. And here you are, at the turning of the age! Alive and in person! Never in your wildest dreams, but there it is. What to do with it?
What can I say, but wake up? Dig deep and find the love, and once you've found it hang on for dear life. Find it and you will have found the One Thing. And you will never be lost, and wherever your journeys take you, you will find your way back home.
So now, dear reader, I find the expanded mind shrinking back to its normal perspective.
Do I think you should enter the world of the shrooms? Only if you are ready. Only if you have the love of all that is firmly entrenched in you heart, and only if your mind is unencumbered by its profane attachments. Let's face it, bad trips happen. Be prepared and do your homework.
I think a three-day fast helped break the mind free of its profane attachments, or rather suppress the ego so as to not drown out the superconscious. The use of entheogens merely served to suppress the ego further, making the superconscious message more obvious.
The ego mind is becoming dominant. I thank the Oneness for the great honor of having the tiniest glimse of the God mind. Of delving barely into the surface to articulate its feelings in a crude medium of expression. Thank you.
From the perspective of the profane mind (although still enlightened somewhat) I will say that entheogens are not needed to access the God mind. Yes, they are there, but once you have accessed it is there really a need to go back? You only need one mystical experience to plant a seed. Water it like the mustard seed, like in the parable.
Think of entheogens as money. Money greases the skids of experience, but if you don't have any it forces you to slow down. You end up feeling every bump, and that record, written in your "book of life", may be more precious than any ego-driven prop could have supplied.
To take the analogy of money further, it is clearly documented that most lottery winners wish they had never won. By the same reasoning, you could expect that many tripsters wish they hadn't taken their first trip unprepared. What good is higher knowledge if you're just going to piss it away?
Think of driving across the country at night, using nothing but your headlights. You have to keep those lights burning. It's a long drive, but you took it for reasons that aren't clear to you now. You don't want to juice up your lights to the point that they burn out and leave you stranded. But like I said when I was in the higher mind, you have to find that One Thing love thread and use it to power your lights.
I am firmly back in the profane mind, the one I will be happy to leave behind when my days have ended. I went back and read the stuff I wrote. It looks interesting. We are all shit-for-brains in the profane state, so it was nice to rise above it. I'm especially glad that I kept a written record. There's the akashic record, but the bits and bytes of the here and now are more relevant to the moment.
It's interesting to reflect that I get no visuals even from a large dose of shrooms. However, when I got up and finished up the yogurt container (not the blended one, that was long gone), I noticed that I was still spaced out. Yet not in the God mind. It may be possible to reenter the God mind, but it seems out of reach. I must be content to bask in the afterglow.
At this point, I can do nothing but ponder, the same as you. Since I have nothing to add, I will end this trip report, and apologize that the power and the feeling of the words that were written from the God mind perspective are lost on such a crude medium.
To write further would be to dwell on the stoner aspect , which is an unfortunate but accepted side effect, not to be reveled in in its own right.
With all the love I have in my heart, dear reader, I wish you nothing but the best and look forward to our glorious reunion in happier times.
. Sorry about the apparent contradiction. I won't try to clear it up, as I am in the profane mind.
. Present use of "cubes" notwithstanding. A deviation that was deemed necessary in servitude to the oneness. And for obedience to an unwitting prophet who said "Clean up your soul". Some things don't come clean without a good detergent.
. My ego would like to address the legality of this excursion. What I did here today has no defense, nor does it require one. Reality is what it is. Serving the Oneness is no crime, nor can it be made into one by usurpers of imaginary power. Remaining anonymous is purely a strategic move in the love battle. To those of you offended, I give my sincere apologies.