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To The K-Hole of Death
As mentioned I have twice went in the K-Hole and both times I thought I was dead.
The first time was some days before Christmas in 2002. I was at the parents house for the night and just happened to have a gram of that special powder.
I use to be really impulsive, so around 9:00pm after being bored sitting in the basement watching T.V I decided to snort some. I went to the bathroom and thought about how much to take. It sounded like the family upstairs were getting ready for bed so I decided to do something interesting and divided the bag into 10 even rails. Rolled up a five dollar bill (classy-wink.wink) and insufilated a whole point with my "Power Nostril". Waited a minute and decided to take another half for good measure. Never went to the k-hole before although I had read about it a lot and knew that this amount coupled with my body size would surely get me there. Terrible pain in the nostrils, that shit is very harsh to snort. I usually kinda like the taste of it but right then it was over-powering and making me gag a little. All alkaloids taste so unique and good in their own way. Anyways, right after I finished the half line I could start to feel a warm tingling and the start of that "oh yeah" euphoric butterflys in my stomach and groin. Then I thought "shit its only been a couple minutes" and got a little scared because it had never come that fast or strong before (usually took 10-15 min.). At that moment my mom called my name...Shit!! I immediately responded "coming", opened the door and attempted to get upstairs as quick as I could!! I had to hang on to the walls going down the hall as my limbs were starting to ignore my direction. Going up the stairs I was already getting that robot-strobe light-freeze frame thing going on and barely made it to the top. My mom looks at me and says "you alright?". "Yeah, I'm just feeling a little nauseus and tired". Then she said "Oh, do you wanna watch a movie with us? We're watching -cant remember-". By this time I was putting all my effort into just being able to see her and trying not to do any head bobbing or any other weird shit with my face or body. I wanted to say "no thanks, im just gonna go to bed" but.. I have trouble explaining this. It's like I didn't know how to speak or say it but when I thought of the phrase in my inner thoughts I must have said it. I know this because I heard a distant and tinny "Oh, thats ok. Goodnight, love you". I'm pretty sure I said love you too because I thought it. Its hard to explain, it was almost like at that point I was seeing (barely) out my actual eyes but at the same time I was witnessing myself as a serperate being within my body? Dissociative. Weird shit, you start questioning what all things really are when you reach that point on any of the mind-fuck drugs. I managed to turn around and make my way down the stairs. Everything was just about black by the last step, and by the time I was blind I was still able to walk a few short steps to the couch. Flopped on the couch and started losing the last bit of feeling I had in my body.
From this point on I can only remember bits and pieces.
At first I was just trying to keep reletively calm. I kept telling myself that it was going to be over in about an hour and I'll wake up. So I thought "just wait it out, just wait it out". After not very long a very unnerving feeling started creeping in, I guess what they call it is an impending sense of doom. It came from the experience being so different and extreme from everything I've felt before. I couldn't see, feel, smell, taste, or hear. All I had were my thoughts, darkness, and a feeling that I can only partially convey by comparing it to the feeling some get when in between consciousness and un-consciousness. You have your inner mind and nothing else. As soon as I realized this I thought "I'm dead". Then I started thinking about my mom or siblings coming downstairs and finding my dead body on the couch a couple days before Christmas. I didn't want to die of course, and felt the most terrible sadness of what I just did to my family. I had true and complete empathy to them, and felt what it would be like to find the body of one so close. The worst saddness in the world, greiving for dead loved ones and I was the one who died. After what seemed like many hours of this and a few other horrifying thoughts I slowly came out of it. What happened the rest of the night I don't remember.
The second time isn't worth writing about in depth because I can't remember much before or after the event. It was a couple years later and during a 3 day special-k binge in which 3 guys burnt through an ounce. Same dead feeling, no outerspace fantasy or other dimension. Unless a dark and empty hell is another dimension. The difference this time was I had vivid visions in the black of the nastier bits of my childhood when my dad was still drinking and beating my mom. It was like re-living it. After that I never did special-k again.