The magical joy of a rambling idiot

I don't remember when, or why exactly, but one day when I was 19, my eyes were opened to the possibility of actually consuming an illicit drug. Namely psilocybin mushrooms.

 I had earlier been a very anti-drug person, and thought that anyone who did shrooms was just a crazy hippie or in some kind of way pathetic. Then I started looking past the government presented propaganda and actually did some research on my own. The recounts of other peoples' trips and magical epiphanies made me realize one thing: I had to try them.

I started to be on the lookout, steadily scouring the area where I lived for liberty caps, without any luck the first couple of months. Then one day, I was visiting a pasture I had not visited before, and stumbled upon an absolute goldmine of gorgeous semilanceatas. I picked them, dried them in a drawer in my room, and proceeded to bag them for later use... My adventures in the world of magic and love were about to begin!

I consumed 36 of the liberty caps and went to take a hot shower to pass the time. The mushrooms didn't taste that bad, and since this extremely pleasant experience, they taste even better, being associated with such intense feelings of joy and love... After the shower, I brushed my teeth and went to bed. 

At first, nothing seemed to be happening. I was lying there with the music in my ears, but I was only feeling a bit drowsy, even about 30 minutes in. The first thing I felt that I knew wasn't in my head, or something I normally felt, was a warmth and relaxation just wrapping in my entire body. I felt very comfortable in any position I was lying, and I felt the perfect temperature. Just so relaxed and comfortable, I knew my trip was on the right track. Here is where the trip gets hard to recall, and impossible to explain in its fullest, but I'll give it my best shot.

About one hour in, I started feeling an immense joy just wash over me... I was smiling and giggling like a complete fool. Never before in my life had I felt such a pure emotion of any kind. It can only be compared to swimming in an endless sea of pure bliss and love. It was the most amazing thing I had ever experienced, and it felt so pure and right. I didn't know what to do with this feeling, I had never experienced anything like it! I picked up my notebook that I had prepared and as soon as I turned to a blank page, a million epiphanies came flying to me all at once.

I lay there for about 2 hours, just constantly taking note after note on the note pad, I couldn't stop. I felt as if any word I didn't scribble down, or any thought that I didn't get off my chest was going to be gone forever. And they were all unique, and they were all so beautiful, I just had to get them all out... "infinite happiness... Infinite" is what I wrote down first. Then I went on rambling about what I was feeling... How others have always known about this magic kingdom, and I had been in the dark. I know knew what they knew and I was in ecstasy. 

After taking notes for two hours, trying to convey my emotions, to be able to explain to others tomorrow how I felt, I realized that I would never be able to explain in words what i felt on that day, so all I wrote instead  was "I understand know, and so do you. Thank you for understanding" because I felt so grateful that even though I could never explain it in words, other people had experienced it, and I wasn't alone. 

Now the music started to reaaally color the trip in a positive way. Without knowing it, I had picked songs that seemingly sang about what was happening to me at this very moment. It was as if every single song I listened to was written specifically for me to be listened to in this state of mind. It was unbelievable. I could feel the music in 3d around me, and they were all singing about love and joy and the inability to express my feelings and put my thoughts into words.

"I find it hard to explain how I got here, I think I can I think I can. Sometimes that is the problem..." - Dave Matthews Band - You never know.

"Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup, they slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe." - The Beatles - Across the universe

"Love, love, love... Love, love was all around." - Dave Matthews - Christmas song

"You seek up an emotion and your cup is overflowing."  - Dave Matthews - Seek up

"It's all too much for me to take, the love that's shining all around me..." - The Beatles - It's all too much

It was all so obvious what all these lyrics meant all of a sudden, and I had never even considered it before. It was so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes... Music was meant to be listened to in this state of mind. Such pristine beauty.

The rest of the night was spent in much the same fashion, lying around smiling and giggling like a genuine idiot. It was the most amazing experience of my life, and it lasted for nearly six hours, until around 3:30 AM, at which time I finally fell asleep.

I was afraid during the trip that when I woke up the next day, I wouldn't recall anything. I might have forgotten how I felt during the night, and that maybe all the happiness would be washed away... However it was all still there. I wasn't high anymore, nor euphoric, but I was happy. I felt as all measly troubles from my everyday life had lifted from my shoulders and tossed themselves in the like. I had no worries anymore, and just listening to the music that I had heard during the trip brought me back to a certain extent and I was smiling intensely. 

Prior to this experience, I used to be angry about little things. I wondered if maybe I didn't have enough friends, if maybe I wasn't good enough for things, I thought I was unhappy because of where I lived and my friends... This trip took away all those feelings of misery and made me focus on the good things in life.

Now this was seven months ago, mind you, and I still have not had one single strong negative thought about anything. I have not been depressed by any stretch of the word, not even for a brief moment, and I feel my empathy for others and my understanding of the world shot through the roof after this trip. It was truly a mystifying, magical experience. 

The best night of my life.