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The Man and the Mushroom

An Anti-Trip Report and an Overview of my Experience with Psilocybin

                Over the course of my past three trips, a new feeling began to emerge which was, at first, difficult to identify: frustration.  As my repertoire of skills for controlling the psilocybin beast grew, my trips became tamer. With each successful trip, I began to feel more and more normal. Yesterday, the eighth I took had very little, if any, mental effect. There were no color changes, no shift in perception, no sense of seeing myself from outside of my body. My only effects were a heavy body-load, difficulty in making decisions in the real world, and a diminished ability in to communicate verbally. The experience was neither pleasurable nor disturbing; I felt as if my day had been wasted. The mushrooms limited me physically and mentally over the next five or six hours without any of the positive effects normally endowed. In my nonplussed state, I grasped for meaning, for everything has meaning if you look deep enough.

                Everyone remembers their first trip. Whether you acknowledge it or not, it dramatically changes who you are, and what you think of yourself. To each person, the experience is different. Many, like me, have a deep spiritual awakening where they become more in touch with their inner self. At first, you must master the language of it; decode the message your subconscious is trying to teach you. Once you do this, you are suddenly open to a well-spring of knowledge you could not previously access. For me, each time I ingested mushrooms, I drew from this well of insight, learning more and more about the world and reality and how it affected me. The final lesson I pulled from this trip was that I have nothing left to learn. I have sipped the last drops from the well and integrated what I learned into my life.

                And what a powerful experience I have had along the way. To say that my experience with psilocybin cubensis was a life changing experience is a bit of an understatement. My life has taken an increasingly positive outlook, due to my optimistic mindset. Psilocybin is medicine for your mind, destroying the negative thoughts and the needless worries that you struggle with at each moment of being.

Each trip, from my first two grams with my brother to my high dose experience in the woods, has been memorable and has provided an amazing lesson to me. My first trip with my brother was the decoding trip. My mind was introduced to a language which, stripped of complexity led me to the pool where I would eventually understand myself. My second trip was an intellectual dual on the nature of reality with my roommate. We fenced with cattails on the bridge in the forest and graphed the perceptual experience of life over time.

My next trip returned me to the forest, this time with my friend. This time, I was forced to face the stark reality of the human race: that we were not meant to live like this. Created by God’s hand through natural selection, we are a race that has forsaken our own nature. Through constant electronic stimulation we have separated ourselves from our natural source of power, our primal roots. And worse, we are progressing, ever faster away from nature, destroying it as we go. We drain the Earth, our home, of its resources, expecting technology to replace it. The second law of thermodynamics tells us that this will not last forever. Still we ignore the consequences or hand them down to the next generation. Our bodies are still the hunter gatherers that we were two hundred thousand years ago. But thrown into the mess that we call progress destroys our mental and physical health.

My fourth trip left on a more positive note. I learned what a miracle it was that we could be here in this life, in this moment. Had trillions of molecules not come together in the exact perfect way, I would not be experiencing this life. Had the sun not been the perfect distance from the Earth or the constants of gravity and light not been exact, had my parents or my grandparents or my great grandparents never met, I would not exist at all. What a miracle then is life! And what an amazing thought to know that, despite your own perception of things, life is fucking perfect! There is nothing more beautiful than that.

My final trip in the forest, I learned more from my friend’s experience than my own. Her trip left her uncomfortable, bringing her to dark places. Having never experienced a bad trip, it was difficult for me to fully understand her experience. But I saw as she became more and more entrenched in her fear, her trip became worse. In a way, the focus on the negative aspect of the trip brought her further down the tunnel. I realized that although we perceive ourselves as mostly physical, we are truly entities of focus. We create reality through what we focus on. This is noticeably true during any trip, where the hallucinations are under your control. But even in the real world, everything you focus on becomes real. If you focus on a personal flaw, that flaw becomes a real problem. If you set your mind on something good, that good becomes part of your life. Any goal that you set your mind to will come to fruition if you only practice the power of focus. In the same sense, problems do not need solving, they instead must be transcended. If you take your focus from a problem, you take away its power in your life.

My next trip had a more spiritual focus. “Is there a God?” I wondered. Of course, there is no way to know for sure. Faith is an overrated attribute, leading people to do things they don’t understand for a god-figure they have never met. Experience is the only way one can truly understand God’s nature. My own experiences have helped me to understand that we are the creators that created themselves. Our essence is of God and that any separation from that is only an illusion. In this trip, I became a spiritual figure, like Jesus or Gandhi. My mind was the world that I spread to the good news to; my mind entered the Age of Aquarius. I was the hero, the prophet that brought in the new Age. Though I have no proof to show anyone else, I know. No faith necessary.

My trip yesterday despite the minute effect it had, still taught me a great lesson: I no longer need the mushroom. And I know that I won’t be taking them any time soon. What drug, I ask you, does that? What drug helps you, then releases you from its clutches so effortlessly? I’ve never tried any other psychedelics but my experience with mushrooms has only been positive. I can only lament on the illegality of such a beneficial substance.  Maybe one day, I will revisit them, but for now they are in my past. This is a tool, friends. Use it wisely and you will know when the well has been drained.

I thank you all for, consciously or not, being a part of this journey with me. It has been a profound experience and I love you all. Happy tripping guys!

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