First 5 gram. The Collective.

So, I am 20 years old, this was my first 5 gram trip. I grew the mushrooms my self, brazils and creepers. I ate the brazils. It was midnight in my room, earplugs and darkness. Hear is what happened. 

I started eating the mushies that I had weighed out, 5 grams, I got to about 4 grams and it was so much to eat at one time, I was just letting them sit in my mouth, so I think I got down 4 grams, it was just to many and I thought I would puke if I ate the other gram, so I just ate the 4 grams witch was kind of a relief because I was a little nervous for the entire 5 grams. So I swallowed the 4 grams, and I was laying there in my room, earplugs in, just waiting for something to start happening. During this time I was going over my life. And the effects started to come up, and I was in a state of limbo i guess, not fully submerged in it yet, but getting there. During this time the thought accord to me that maybe I didn't eat enough to make it to the other side, so I got out of bed, almost fully stoned, and weighed out another gram and threw it in my mouth and munched it down. What happened after this is hard to recall. I knew that I was going up because my thoughts seem to echo in my head in my come up. But my thought pattern was much stronger, I could follow and build ideas much more fluidly. I started contemplating the meaning of the universe, witch is something that I do in my every day life I think, and the 5 grams let me go deeper down the rabbit hole then I ever had. I dont remember the questions that I was asking but they where the typical, "Y are we here, what does it mean, how does it work" kinda thing. And its hard to describe what was really going on, I can't even remember all of it, but it was crazy, my mind was in a sea of information. I came only to one conclusion about the questions I asked, and that was that I have no fucking idea what is going on! (This might have been a changing point in my way of thinking, because now I try not to worry my self with the questions of what the universe really is, and let it be.) At other times in the trip I would be on my knees in a praying position, like you see the muslims do when they face mecca, and it felt great, like on the lower doses when your nervous system is just getting rapped by the boomers. 

This was the highest does I have ever taken, and I was really hoping to see something beautiful with closed eyes but it didn't happen, I dont know why. 

In the midst of trying to answer the questions of the universe I really had to take a leak. This was so freaking hard. Just getting out of bed and walking to the bathroom was a feat of self control. It was like my body was super drunk and it took every bit of concentration to keep from collapsing into a wall or the floor. I made it to the pot and took a seat cause there was no way I was taking this piss standing. And I was sitting there on my toilet contemplating the most fundamental questions of reality and I felt very humbled. I never thought that I would be on my toilet trying to figure the universe out, it made me laugh. It was cool going to the bathroom cause I could turn the lights on that was sick, cool visuals in the towel and looking at the light there was this flower or warp field surrounding it. After I got off the pot I went to the mirror and looked in it, I was a little afraid because when I have looked in the mirror on acid I would start to freak out, but this was different, my pupils where huge and standing thee looking at my self I started to get the feeling of something behind me, like I could see something standing over my shoulder it wasn't a solid object or anything, just made of energy and intuition. I took it as a good omen and didn't think much about it, and left the bathroom and slowly walked back to my room. And as I was walking back to my bed I started to trip hard, and the feeling/voice told me I had better lay down fast for this cause its going to be big. And luckily I made it to my bed before I got fucking bitch slapped by it. This was the peak, I followed everything down a spiral, all the ideas about life and what not. I was laying there with my head in my pillow, tapping my index and middle finger alternating them making a fast paced beat, this was amazing, the tapping on my pillow shot me down the rabbit hole farther then I had been all night. It was incredible to say the least. And after that I started to come down, I decided to make a post on the shromery, so I grabbed my computer and started to write, "For me to even reason with it, to try to graple with what is truly going on is hard. Its hard for me to say, And I wish you could be here with me now. The Truth, the real Truth, is in that, "I, (myname), HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE." These drugs are not to be taken lightly, you need your witts, I have just taken what I belevie to be around 5 dried grams, brazil strain I got from (edited). ahha, what a marketing tool this all may be. Please, If you decide that you want to come here, just remember the Ones you love, bring them with you, for out here is the 4th dimension, the fabled. what is written in scripture, is here. right here. and its not for the faint of heart. I do not know if I can pull threw it and.... and.... all that remains I suppose is the Music, the love that you bring. Love is Important. This is the 4th dimension. I dont know if I have complete control over what I am even typing right now. And I know that brings a certain level of malcontempt?<---- just second guessing to what I am saying to your eyes. I do not know. All I can say is for my self I hope to see the sun rise another day on this earth, this beautiful earth. Hold the ones you have, stay warm. warm Oour childern. as they our our own, and I hope we do not destroy our earth so that we may one day see the eternal sunrise, and sunset together, at once. I truly do love. My ego has been destroyed. For me, this event feels like it will have far reaching waves. Add me on face book. (myname)" And then I lay there in the fetal position and I feel like I come out of my body and see my self lying there, and this energy comes and rests on top of my body, at first I didn't recognize it, then I saw that it was the ying and yang sign, heaven and hell. Then I was out. (I smoked a most satisfying bowl a few minutes after.)

It was profound, humbling, and a mix of heaven and hell. This was about a half a month ago. It was amazing. I dont plan on taking many more high level doses like that for a while because it was just so much. I think I'm going to stick to 2-3.5 grams from now on. 

After I came down I got on youtube and facebook. And I will post links to the things I found and watched/listened to right after that most momentous trip. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8v8mgwuubU     

And I listened to this, I highly recommend this album to everyone.

http://theflashbulb.bandcamp.com/releases

Here I will go into a theory I created after the trip. What the mushroom does is shuts down parts of the brain that control our filter of reality, when we turn those parts of the brain off our consciousness then finds its self in the subconscious, and this subconscious is connected to every human being, (maybe even every form of life on the planet) and this is where you go, its a sea of information, allot of it is just random and useless to the individual. So this is what we are all connect to and its huge, giant. And if you think of it as something that is alive, as another organism, and we are the cells that make it up. And I think that is what people talk about when they talk about God, it is the bigger us. And we are all a piece of it. And that God is what deals with the questions of our universe. And it is not my place to try to try and do what it does, but rather bring love into my life so that I may feed it love.

My life before the trip was plagued with unnecessary questions and energy lost on them. My life after the trip is one of more acceptance of who I am, and what I am not, I am still trying to figure that out. I am not a very social person, when I am around other people I feel like my brain doesn't function and I can't keep up allot of the time, I have my problems. But I am trying to use some of the tools that I gathered from the mushrooms and trying to fight threw it.