(FYI) I have been dealing with a STRONG social anxiety
(almost a phobia) for around four years now. I have one or two close friends
and I make it through school and everything okay but I basically just fall in
to a constant state of adrenaline when I step into a room filled with people my
A few months ago I decided it was my lucky day
when a friend came to the skatepark with mass amounts of shrooms from Oregon.
He told me that I could take as many as I wand if I eat them there.. This would
be my second shroom trip in my entire life. I had spent years essentially
prepping my self for a full blown psychedelic trip and after eating about half
an eighth for my first time and feeling great I was confident. I grabbed a
couple [b]handfulls[/b] of these badboys; all in all were talking between 4
about 4 or 5 eights (not having a clue as to what I am stepping into) I sat
down along the fence and began snacking as it began to rain. I actually managed
to smoke a bowl of stems along with some weed as well.
long story short I absolutely lost my shit. I was screaming
at times, eating dirt, and repeating everything I heard in this terrible/creepy
little voice. ex: AJ- "Jessie whats wrong?" ME- "Jessie whats
wrong?" at one point i pissed myself and just dropped to the ground.
I woke up- or came to rather, around 5 hours later pretty
much back to normal (hopefully) and slowly realized that I was at home in my
room watching Trailer Park Boys the movie. AJ and a few friends had drove me
home and managed to get me into my house, put on a movie for me and after
making sure I wasn't going to break a window or kill myself or anything they
left. It's also worth mentioning that while driving on my street looking for my
house AJ would say "Is this your house Jessie?" all i could say at
this point was yes. for every house that we drove by.
It is also worth mentioning that I guess I must have blacked
out- or suppressed the entire ordeal subconsciously, because all I can remember
is seeing peoples faces. Not everybody only a select few and just for a second.
(Possible lasting negative effects)
Like I said before, I was never the most social person, and I may have a bit of asspergers or autism but people seem to feel that I am somehow different now. I am described as even less social then before.
(Positive lasting effects)
Now that a few months have passed a number of friends have
asked me if I feel any different or if I get flashbacks and things of that
nature. I dont really feel any different mentally.. though I have realized that
I no longer become bored with a situation. Meaning that I can now just sit
there and let my mind wander the vast empty spaces of my own consciousness for
hours on end.
Also, dreaming is a whole other ball game for me now. I wake up from a lengthy in depth dream with little to no "cross over time" meaning I feel that the transition from dreaming to being awake takes much less time than before and thus dreams are very easily recalled and stored in memory banks.
Over all the experience has left me with a different respect for
psychedelics that can only be felt. I say this because I was sure that I
respected them before all of this. I still hold polysyllabic in the
regard possible and actually look forward to my next encounter with
mushies. Obviously in a
much smaller dose :) I wouldnt trade my expierence for the world and
have absolutely no feelings of regret
That was my freak out, thanks for reading