My First Bad Trip...

but this past time stood out because it was my first bad trip. I never knew how absolutely terrifying a bad trip could be. Not that I discredited anyone of my friends bad trip stories but it's hard to really understand unless

you have had a bad trip yourself, and even then, you won't know to what degree worse your trip was compared to someone else's. 

I was in a casual setting at home with my best friend Britt, her boyfriend Jay, and a friend of ours from out of town. I had my Rodney out (a huge white, life size teddy bear we use to lay on while fucked up) and I was cuddled 

up with my pillow and everything is great, the mood is good, blah blah whatever, everything was fine. I decided it had been a while since I had taken shrooms, approx a month and a half, so I had talked my friend from out

of town, David, to do them with me. He said he was going to take them a little later because he wanted to eat and then leave some time in between since we hadn't really eaten all day. SO I, like a big druggy, decided I couldn't

wait so I didn't even eat dinner and just took my shrooms early (an eighth to be exact)  around 9:30 pm. I thought it was a better idea anyway because I always feel extra sick if I eat beforehand. About 10 or 15 min later I start to see the keys on my

phone start to swirl a little and I start feeling very heavy (love that feeling) and still a little sick even though I didn't eat. I was looking at the blank white wall behind our couch imagining it painted as though there were a tunnel there, I could see it

being like a tunnel you might see in Italy that has cobblestone on the ground and looks very clean etc. I also started to see a pinkish red hue to the light in the room. About ten min into my trip I started seeing zig zag patterns on everything and 

Britts boyfriend Jay had a checkered shirt on and different things in the room would look checkered. Everything was pretty psychedelic by now.  I had never experienced these kind of visuals before because normally I'm focused on the carpet 

moving and things like that. Which the carpet 

Was like an ocean this time, it was so amazing. So I'm laying on Rodney and I start to create this fake neighborhood in my head, I'm kind of in a corner of the room opposite from my friends while they're watching TV I'm watching the white

wall behind them. In my head I was seeing houses that looked like shrooms and people lived there and we were neighbors and had known each other for years, I tried to invite my friend David over and told him to take his shrooms but 

he was still eating so I just continued having a good ass time by myself. I've never been particularly afraid to be the only one shrooming, I just wouldn't do it by myself with no one around just yet. I don't know when I will be ready for that.

So I'm pretty fucked up right now and it's about 10pm and one of our favorite shows comes on National Geographic, Drugs Inc. If you haven't seen it, you should but it's a really interesting show where they break down the making and trafficking

of illegal drugs. This episode happened to be about ecstasy, something I am very familiar with as well. So for the record this is absolutely the worst show to ever watch other than a horror movie when you're shrooming. I didn't even think about

it being a problem at the time I started watching it. The show was actually fine almost all the way through until around the end when it started talking about overdosing and dying and just the overall negative side to ecstasy. At this point 

in the show a boy is being taken away by an ambulance and says he thinks hes dying........AND it begins. The more absolutely fucking terrifying experience I have ever felt. I truly 100% in my mind thought I was going to die. Hearing that 

on the show made me think that I was the boy, that I was the one overdosing. I was starting to get the episodes confused because we have watched Drugs Inc. about Meth and Heroine etc. so it started to come into play in my trip.

The first thing I started thinking was that everyone on the earth did drugs and that everyone was beinging to tell each other that they were all addicted to something. I thought that the reason of life was to be fucked up on a drug and then

eventually die. I began to think that everyone in the world was going through withdraws from some kind of drug and it was only a matter of time before they either died or found more of it. I have no idea what time it is right now because I'm 

freaking the fuck out in my head thinking I'm actually the kid in the ambulance. I started thinking like was in a Sims game or on the Truman show. Like life was a game and didn't mean anything and I couldn't control a single thing that happened

and that I was born so that I could be addicted to a drug and die like everyone else. I convinced myself I was actually dying, I thought my whole family somehow knew what I was doing and that they thought I was mentally insane, like I was

out to lunch in my head completely. I started wondering if they would ever come to visit me in the insane asylum I swore I was in. I felt like I knew what it was like to be like legally considered insane. I had heard stories of people getting stuck

in trips, and i never believed it until this trip. I felt like I would be paranoid and scared forever. At times I felt like somehow I was that kid who had never been born, the kid who was the miscarriage or the kid that was a stillborn. It was the 

creepiest feeling in the world. I went back to thinking about the ambulance and I was hallucinating and convincing myself I was actually on a stretcher in the hospital and they were trying to resuscitate me because I had overdosed on every

drug there was but there was nothing they could do. I thought my mom was there watching me and I was crying and thinking that my whole family and everyone in my life thought I was a failure and that my life would never go back to normal

because now I was addicted to meth and heroine, it was like I didn't even realize I was only on shrooms. Then for like a split second I came back to reality and saw that the show was the cause of my trip, I had been yelling things out the whole

time but I guess my friends were either ignoring me or didn't really think I was having a bad trip because at no point did I ever say that I was. So I stood up and ran across the room and literally yelled "TURN THAT OFF RIGHT FUCKING NOW" 

like over and over, and they fuckin looked at me like "uh no" and I was so mad and so scared and no one understood and so I went to the bathroom and told my friend Britt I needed her to come with me. I started to throw up a little in the bathroom

but hardly at all because I didn't eat anything. It didn't make me feel better but at  this point I thought I knew what it meant to die, at least in my head. I didn't think I could ever feel worse, and I wanted it to end so bad. I started asking her 

questions like Who is God? Where is he right now when I need him? and saying things like Money doesn't matter at all! Nothing I have or have worked for matters because everyone is only here for drugs!! I was yelling that I had gone to

school for years and years and done really well and it was all for nothing because the point of life was to be on drugs and that's it. I was having crazy mental panic attacks, but like without hyperventilating. I wanted her to help me feel better

but she wasn't. I would catch myself sometimes and tell her she CANT let me ask questions like that because I would just get further and further into my bad trip. I was asking WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO LIVE? What is the world! 

Why are we here?? But not in an inquisitive way, in a panicked way like I was terrified of the realizations I was having. I felt like I was in a Sims game and took shrooms as a part of the game and then started to figure out that my life was 

just a fuckin video game that didn't matter. Can you imagine? Thinking that you're a video game character that only exists for someone elses entertainment? Thats where the Truman show feeling came in. I didn't compare my feelings to

those things at the time, it wasn't until afterward that I made the connection with them. I know where the inspiration for that game and that movie came from, and Gumby....fuckin Gumby. That guy was on SHROOMS when he thought up that

show. I literaly have no doubt, and I haven't even researched it yet. I feel like the opposite feeling of my terrible trip would have been the best experience of my life. My trip slowly ended as I tried to help myself out of my trip by telling Britt to talk 

me about my life and what I do everyday and who my family is and how everyone else exists for different reasons and we were all put here for a special purpose, not to overdose. I told her to tell me these things because I knew that identifying

with my normal life would help me feel more normal and get out of this psychotic world i had created in my head. Not only that, the whole night I thought the cops were going to come arrest me and take me to jail. It literally amazes me that 

shrooms can CONVINCE my mind that my body is doing something it's not. I'm not scared to do shrooms again, I'm excited. I feel like this experience will definitely allow me to help others because I know what kinds of fucked up things they 

might think up and the feelings associated with it. I'm not scared because I know exactly what made the bad trip start and I can prevent it in the future. I've been reanalyzing my trip all day going over it so many times because I'm so interested in 

what happens to my brain when I'm shrooming. I wish I could be a spokesperson for shrooms because I wish everyone could experience them. I don't think everyone is ready for it especially if you aren't strong minded enough to realize what the

mistakes in your environment are or realize that not every trip will be that way. A lot of people have a bad first trip and never want to do shroooms again, but I think this will help my future trips if anything. Now I'm going to watch the Truman Show...

and have a damn retrip or something. Thanks for reading, this is my first trip report, more to come though!