Daybreak

It was a cloudy summer day and I held the eighth in my pocket, anticipating this adventure for at least a week. I've tripped twice before, both times being at night, so I decided to change up the scenery and take my journey to the daylight.

I ingested as much as I could stomach of the eighth at once. But of course I couldn't go it alone, so I offered my best friend (A) the remainder of the sack, which was mostly stems due to my belief that the caps are the best part of the trip. Although we should have carried a sitter around, I figured that we hadn't taken enough to truly lose ourselves. Plus, experience led me to realize that untrained sitters try to fuck with you more than anything else, so it was probably best that we kept things as they stood.

*On a side note, I was completely prepared for this trip. No worries, no fears, just raging excitement! On the other hand, A was not as he just recently broke up with his girlfriend of two years and was dealing with finding out that he did not know where he was going in life. A big mistake on my part- and I would pay for it in the long run.

We headed to a crazy ass park I had never been to before, but it was crazy how it showed up almost out of nowhere. There was a garden full of herbs and flowers and all kinds of colors ranging from purple to blue. I felt like I was already tripping as we pulled up.

A and I sat in the car for a moment, sipping on our orange juices, waiting and waiting and waiting. I think he started complaining that it wasn't working for him, and even I started to doubt the offering we made. After finishing my drink, I decided to step out and just walk around to get some fresh air. And that's when it hit me!

I became strongly nauseous and felt as if I was going to puke. I did not smoke that day because I didn't want to weaken the trip like I had a previous time, but I felt regret since I'm sure it would have quelled my stomach. My head began to spin and my whole body felt numbed out. I managed to stand still for a moment and breathe slowly, letting my own mental prowess calm me down. I looked back in the car and saw A staring at the dashboard, not looking at anything in particular. His trip was commencing as well.

For the next (however long) of visual bliss, we walked around the park, crossing large bridges and flowerbeds. A squirrel even came up to us and seemed to be offering us a nut. It then ran away as we watched it chase another squirrel for quite a while. Everything was so damn funny, but really it was nothing too much out of the ordinary (if you're sober that is).

I cannot remember if we had been talking before, but my memory tells me our conversation started with him suggesting that none of this was real.

"It feels like we're part of this movie- like all of these people around us are just actors meant to guide us through the next scenes."

The funny thing is that I had been thinking the same thing, casually looking around for a camera hiding behind the trees.  I mean this whole park looked so fucking unreal! And everyone in it were doing the kind of things you would see in a movie.

Just as it seemed as if it couldn't get any betters, we both started to peak!

Suddenly, bluish-violet streams covered the grass and the fish in the pond began to swirl in and out of the water as if they were trying to become one with me. I could see every pore on A's face and every emotion hidden behind his blushed cheeks. He stared back at me, almost as if he were reading me reading him.

While we were walking, the heat was just enough that I felt like removing my jacket, revealing a brown shirt with a giant demonic skull across the center (BAD IDEA). A took one look at this and shouted, just enough to draw attention to ourselves.

"Dude, what's wrong. Don't tell me you're having a bad trip" I spoke nonchalantly as if it were a passing phase.

He pointed to my shirt which blended in with my skin and I instantly saw the horrific pattern meld to my chest. I would have screamed as well, but a laugh came out instead for whatever reason. The skull appeared to be talking, but in such a way that made me think that it was telling jokes and not foretelling the end of the world.

"Does it really bother you that much?"

He nodded his head and forced me to walk ahead of him. We headed back to the car and I was then made to switch it inside out so that I could hide the terrifying image.

That's when everything went to shit!

A finds a camera somewhere in the car and starts to go through the still images. He, of course, finds one of him and his ex cuddled next to one another, smiling. He starts crying, or should I say tears fall from his ducts. I've never seen him this way and it makes me sad. I soak up the emotions he's feeling and they are painful. He showed me pictures of when they were together. In all the pictures, even when she%u2019s smiling and happy, I can see her crying and she looks hurt in every single one of them.

"I fucking miss her. Why, why did I do this? I have to call her!"

I tried to suggest that wouldn't be such a great thing to do, at least not while he's tripping. But he doesn%u2019t listen and begins to call her up. I feel trapped. I want to be there for my friend, but it doesn't feel right. I don't feel like I should be here. I literally freeze, knowing that I can just open the door and walk out. But it's not that easy because my mind tells me that if I leave now, that means I am a bad friend. The pain becomes intense and I can't take it anymore. I have to leave. I have to escape. A looks at me the entire time, as if he knows what I'm thinking. It's as if he wants me to stay. But I can't. So I hold onto the handle for a good long minute before opening up and breathing the fresh air.

FRESH AIR! I take in huge gulps of air and I don't feel dead anymore. I feel like I've just stepped out of a tightly shut coffin.

I begin walking towards the part of the park I had not been to yet, alone. There is no one for me to call up, I am usually alone. So I begin to talk to myself, but I realize I'm not talking to myself. Something is talking to me, but it's not in my head- it's all around me. The leaves as they blow past me whisper secrets.

"Good job. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself"

I still feel bad, but seemingly the world itself tells me that I cannot bear the weight of the people by myself and that it is there to help. It tells me that I should do good in the world, as much as I can, and it will handle the rest. I am reminded of God and I smile and begin to voice my love that he cares so much.

I sit upon a rock under a tree and begin to think about biblical stories I had been told. And my mind wanders to the fact that prophets must have tripped before, seeing that shrooms are nothing new. I figure that shrooms were placed here by God so that we can truly understand our place and his place beside us. I thank God for these shrooms, even though a doubt in the back of my mind tells me that shrooms are drugs and drugs are bad. I thank him again even after the fact.

All of a sudden I can see A walking up towards me, and I become frustrated because he is imposing on my beautiful conversation with the world and God and the spirits and everything that is pure. I can see it on his face that he is bringing me news I don't particularly need right now.

He comes around, but doesn't say anything over the previous subject, and I don't ask. We walk around to a small pond to find that only one fish remains swimming. But as we peer further into the water, we both see other hundreds of other fish swimming below it towards the bottom.

A stares at it for a while and I know what he's thinking.

"Remind you of something?" I ask.

He looks at me like I've asked him to reveal a great mystery. He then looks back at the fish.

"Wait! That fish is me. I'm that fish!" He is overjoyed by this understanding.

Around this time, the sun breaks through the clouds like some kind of cinematic focal point.  All of a sudden, everything makes sense to him and he begins to voice so many different opinions and truths that creep into his head.

"Dude,  shrooms are good. We keep wasting our lives with stupid things that we don't need and everything is just so bad. Like pot!"

But I stop him in his tracks. "Not quite. Nothing is actually as bad as we think they are, unless used for that purpose." I realize that this voice is not quite mine, but a being I have allowed to inhabit my flesh for the time.

"Take a knife. Everyone knows you can use it to chop vegetables and its purposeful uses are endless. But in the wrong hands, it can be used to murder another"

The image of this is too much and he shuts me up.

"Just understand that it is the human race that misuses what is naturally a neutral or good thing. Even pot can be a good thing, if used for the right reasons. But since most don't, yea, it's seen as a force of evil. That's why I always believe that things done in moderation can help reduce the potential of turning something bad"

We begin to walk back to the car as I quietly ask this being to stay with me.

Night dawns on us quickly and before I know it, we are headed on A's quest to win back his ex (Not a fun experience).

We head to one of her friend's apartments and he begins to interrogate them. I am no longer having any fun, and now I am burdened with the emotions of this other being (who I firmly believe was Jesus who was best friends with Peter. I could feel the being say "I don't want to leave you Peter, but it's for the best of this world") There was so much pain inside and outside my consciousness that I could not speak, even when prompted. A tells everyone that I'm just tripping, and it's nothing to worry about.

While he interrogates these people, the being prompts me to leave again, so I begin walking around this unfamiliar place. As much as I should have worried, I am comforted by this being who brings God and the spirits and the world back to me so that I can continue my conversation.

 While walking around, the being ushers that I must learn, which will aid me in helping this sleeping world. At this same time, I approach a library that is currently closed. I want to break in and begin learning as soon as possible, but know better not to. After some time passes, the world and God and the spirits touch my cheek and I begin to tear up because I know they are leaving me. They do not say this, but I can feel them departing. The being stays with me, as it seems to be on this ride with me through til the very end.

I walk back to the apartment and A suggests we should go now. He drops me off at my house without a word and drives off, deeply saddened that he was not able to see his ex. The being tells me it's going to be okay for him, so I don't bother letting it get to me.

Throughout the night, the being and I trade emotions, until it finally asks me if I am afraid of dying. Personally, when I was younger, I had already attempted suicide because I was very depressed, so I replied that I wasn't. It goes even further to inquire that wouldn't it be very sad if everyone I loved would not have me anymore, which I doubted at that time if there was any love for me. But it said that it was afraid when it's time had come. It said that it wasn't ready to die because of all the friends it loved and the people it knew. It wasn't the pain, it was the idea of losing those people that made it want to keep living. But it said that it died because it knew it would help.

It's death wasn't magical, it was almost like a political move. It knew that it would be able to help people because they would think of it and it would remind them there is something to live for. I smiled and thought that is how I wanted to die. I want to die so that others can be reminded to live. I fell asleep with it whispering other secrets in my ears, ones I cannot remember to this day.

[Present] A and I no longer talk. Whenever he got back with his girlfriend, there arose a gap between us. He started to smoke pot and drink heavily and never touched shrooms again. He even started popping the ole pills. He said he wanted to be normal. I stayed around for as long as I possibly could, but even his girlfriend seemed to be pushing me away, so I had to leave.

I abstain from smoking pot on a regular like most do, and I haven't been able to trip for some time now due to losing touch with all of my dealers. I hope that I'll go somewhere and be able to trip in the near future, but who knows.

I have also taken up a personal mission to "wake the sleep" as I feel like that experience and following ones awakened my spirit. I don't know how yet, but I'm hoping that these "guides" will show me someday.