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"Floating and Confused"
I did not plan this trip in advance, as I usually would have--but my friend asked me to do it with him a day before. I went over there around one o'clock and after sitting around for a few minutes, he put together a parachute pill for me. He had already taken his. I had always taken already-pressed pills, and never parachuted, but it went down just as easy. We decided to go for a walk to a nearby fish and chips place while it was kicking in. I watched him skateboard and we talked, for maybe ten or twenty minutes at most before it kicked in for me. When we got back, we had to go on the elevator to his apartment and there was another man there--I am terrible at trying to look normal when I am on MDMA, so I think I weirded him out a little bit. I noticed that everything was less heavy and I felt a very deep love for my friend. I think this is one of my favourite things about this drug (as bad as it is for you), it just seems to bring people together and it extends past that one situation because of the different experience that you had with them. Hugs feel so amazing during these trips as well. We just laid on the bed with the window open, melting into each other. This may have looked funny if you were not high as well, but it felt amazing. Even just walking or crawling out the window to the couch outside feels amazing. Anyway, all of a sudden, my friend had to leave to go visit his mother as she does not live close anymore. He was supposed to be around until the high was pretty much gone, but the plans fell through and she wanted to see him sooner. I was feeling very vulnerable, having to find another friend's house to go to and walk alone. I could not go home, because I still live with my parents and they obviously do not enjoy it when I do these things. I went to my friend's house, and thought it would be fun, but since none of them were high--the mood was really downing. I had to go home. When I got there, I made sure my bangs were hiding my eyes as my pupils were huge and I just sort of went directly to my room. This could have been an amazing trip. It was at first. But, afterwards I just felt like it was a waste. This is when I started to get depressed and it sank deeper and deeper until I realized that there is something I need to ask myself. For sure, I love the feeling of euphoria, the love, the floatiness, and I did always know how bad it was for me. I always research things before I do them. But, is it really worth the depression? I mean, it is not even normal depression. This is the stuff that makes me feel like killing myself. Since the MDMA exhausts your brain of seratonin (natural happy-chemical), it is very possible to have it get much worse every time. I say, do it once--unless you will not be able to say no in the future. It is an awesome experience, but the after effects can be lasting and you do not want to end up an addict or chronically depressed.