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My first time, for both.

Suicide and Shrooms.

went to this girls house with my bestfriend, and we had 2 grams each, my boyfriend had some too, and everyone else there. Bestfriend and I took them later than the other people, and we were lying on a fuzzy blanket just lying there beside eachother, everything was spiralling and I remember not wanting to look at my boyfriend because I didn't want to remember seeing his face all fucked up. but he kept on calling my name to look at him so I was mad at him. I also really wanted to hold my friend because she told me she was scared she was floating away. but I didn't because it felt like we were a milion miles apart.
After a while that seemed like hours she got really freaked out and started screaming, then this random guy was behind me and I kept on asking him who he was, turns out he was my friend and I didn't recognize him and we kept on introducing ourselves whenever our paths crossed. We ended up making cookies, but they were green. then we went back to the room with the rest of the people and they were all gray and wavy, like they were underwater. Everyone started like doing something that made me upset for some reason, and I went to the bathroom and just sat there in the dark and thought about my life and future. I was sitting on the windowsill (3rd floor) when my boyfriend came in and was like whining at me or something. I told him to call my parents because I was going to die, and he thought I was just tripping and didn't realise I was in the window, I begged him to call my mom and told him I'd take all the blame if he got caught too. I kept on worrying about my friend who was screaming in the other room. I kept on telling the boyfriend to call my mom and he said he couldn't because my phone was underwater. It fell in the bathtub, but it had no water in it. I started crying and sobbing and I was going to jump but the girl whose house I was at came in and picked me out of the window. then called me a bunch of names and swore at me.
I blacked out for a bit on the floor, and went into a guest room to lay down. I heard her and the rest of the people making fun of me and saying that I "always cry at get togethers" and I just felt like shit. I called my mom 4 times before she picked up, she was at some bar and she sent me a cab, I was still pretty high so getting down 3 flights of stairs was really hard. I went into the room with the rest of the people and was really mad at them, and my friend was on the bed looking really scared and I kept asking her if she wanted to come with me, but she wasn't moving or saying anything.
I got home and was tripping at my all white room and my white dog, I felt like the bed was moving and digesting me or something and my dog was crying. I took a shower and passed out...
I tried to kill myself  because I'm depressed, and the shrooms took away my inhibitions. I don't trust myself to drink, or do any kind of drugs while I'm still depressed, because I know I'll try again.

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