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7g cubes on 09/11/2011 full moon

Thoughts that messed me badly.

I had not eaten anything that day, it was about midnight when i ate the mushrooms,i was sitting at my computer smoking weed and listening to music waiting for the trip to start 
so it begins,i shut the lights i lay down in bed and start thinking and looking at what i saw with my eyes closed.it didnt take long before i started hearing voices.calling me by my name. they were in my head but felt as if they were heard through a wall or a door,voices were comming from above me..they were telling me to wake up and kept repeating it like the universe depended on it  multiple voices ,one of an old man, one of a woman there was more but its hard to remember everything

I didnt realy took much notice into the visuals at that point it was still 3dimensional colors n shapes but nothing realy mysticly spectacular. i would see alot of gold and metalic like pyramids pointing at me wile hearing those voice telling me.there is no time left. you must wake up there is no time.then i started asking thing. why is there no time. how must i wake up.you wake me up.

visuals became like 3 times more intence.everything became gold colored with letters numbers and logos everywhere  there was this gold 3dimensional pentagon shaped thing with letters n stuff on it. and there was this woman face on top of everything made of the same gold and with sings and logo everywhere on her face. and she was part of that thing she was part of everything.

i asked her.why is there no time. why must i wake up.she said.it is a bomb.and it is about to explode.there is very little time left and you must wake up.i kept asking her why must i wake up but she wouldnt tell me and kept repeating and tried to make me understand the importance of this.i asked her if i could speak to terrence mckenna.he slowly started to morph before me with his glasses and he started talking to me.calling me by my first name. and i would hear his voice as clear as i would hear yours and it was his real voice.. but it all happened in my head.i asked him questions why did i have to wake up. why was it so important.but he made me understand. he could not give me any of the information i seeked before i had woken up. and to wake up in there.i have to die here.so i asked god. the woman. i believe she was god.can you wake me up. 

she answered physicaly.I started feeling an ecstastic heat all over my body. it felt better than the first time ive had sex.and slowly.. i would suffocate.. and while it happened i started to panic and tell to myself.WAIT THESE MUSHROOMS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO KILL ME.but yeah.they were killing me.i just told the woman that i was not ready to abandon everything i knew.and 10-15 minutes after i would go back again and ask her if there was another way to take me up there. one death different from suffocation that would still bring me there.she said.what she made me understand without saying it was like.there isnt enough time for me to give you a cancer.and i believe thats how terrence mckenna got there,next time im gonna eat mushrooms. its gonna be in nature.alone.because there is a chance i will not come back.

 and my previous huge trips. i wouldnt hear voices but i would recieve messages and i would think them. one of the messages was.the hardest thing will be to lose all that you know,other messages were,you will live heaven.the best moment of your life.then you will live real hell.something which i also find very awkward to say .God told me everybody was gay.or bisexual should i say..this is not a joke either.

i have felt in my frist trip as if everybody had experienced it before.i would think about my father and burst laughing saying wow.why nobody told me.

this is insane right.well i have to live with it now. and if you've done massive shrooms trip. you kinda have to live with it now too do ya.

Death is not realy scary if you think about it. something scary to my eyes would be like,you are stuck in infinity alone in some loop where there is no escape. only your thoughts.
to my eyes this idea is alot more scary than having a glock pointed at my balls.

all my life ive been the most rationalist agnostic atheist whatever word suits your preferences.i did not believe in god. in magic. i thought magic mushrooms were just that other drug that makes you laugh and see brighter colors and stuff.thing is there is something beyond explanation and human understanding in there.life is alot less awkward once youve been far with shrooms. and whats funny is that a shroom trip sorta feels awkward in a strange way and that is exponential when you are with people.even your closest friends.

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