First off, lets begin by saying I was an average kid. I went through high school maintaining a D-C average, never really played any sports, and was single the entire time. I was completely oblivious to what the world was, what I was, and the thought process involved in every human being. I found myself intrigued by human intellect and how people think, I also completely love Philosophy. I always knew that I was curious about life, but I never really understood WHY I was so curious. Looking back, I was pretty bad off, I struggled with gaming addiction and self-esteem issues along with depression. That's what lead to me starting to smoke weed. Two weeks after I graduated High School... Weed helped me through this summer, and WOW... I realized a lot in my life, and the weird part was my depression was ACTUALLY fading and I was IMPROVING in my social skills in everyday life and not to mention that, I was ACTUALLY happy. I felt so happy, that I decided to try tripping. I really can't give you the reason WHY i tried tripping, it intrigued me, I was curious, weed blew my expectations and I wanted more answers, wanted to feel a different way. Dunno what it was. So I heard one of my friends had this 25mg 2c-e pill...
I was extremely excited, I planned out the perfect trip at my house. Had about 3gs of some good, my sister, her boyfriend (one of my bestfriends), and another close friend (made my first trip amazing. he's tripped many times before and was able to keep me in reality while i was tripping, i really understand now how lucky i was to have him there because i felt as though i was in a sober/tripping state, but we'll get to that later.) My sisters name is emily, her boyfriend's name is michael, and my friends name is peyton.
So, it's 10:07, and I took the pill. (Ingested it orally)
Outside, I look fine, I'm laughing with emily and mike. Inside I'm a little scared, but way more excited. We chill for a little while and I'm sort of tripping myself out, thinking I'm noticing things, things as such.. Peyton calls and tells us to go pick him up, so I hop in mikes truck and we head out to go get them. It was only about 20-30 minutes after I took it, and I started noticing really little things, I was playing a song on youtube and the picture on the video was moving! I'm glad I saw this because I instantly got happy and started screaming it's moving!! They looked at me funny and we proceeded to drive to peytons.
After picking him up we're chilling just having a good time, we get home and we start smoking. And... I start tripping. It hit me like a ton of bricks, wanna know why? At that instant I noticed that I was thinking in a completely different way. For some reason I looked at my hands, and just said these exact words out loud, "I'm here" I have no idea why this was so significant, but I realized it... "I'm here" This was the first thing I realized, and after realizing it I told myself to look around and see if I got any visuals. It was crazy, it's so hard to explain because of how unbelievable it is... Emily was sitting on my bed, and I remember her bending her back, AND THE WALL BENDED WITH IT, at this point I'm tripping extremely hard, and just the satisfaction of thinking a new way, and seeing these things was FASCINATING me. Pictures start talking to me, Napolean Dynamite was on T.V. and I could of swore the scene went on in my room.
around 11:34 emily and mike leave the room. Me and peyton smoke a shit ton, and from this point on was when I really just... Learned.. So much... Peyton sat down and just talked to me... And I realized it, every person in this world has a valuable story, every person in this world has things influencing everything they do. The way they feel, the things they do, how they say things, what they look at. I was just dumb founded at the things I was thinking.
I tripped myself out a lot, but I never had bad feelings when I did it. And I have some CRAZY shit I felt. I remember laying on the bed talking. And all of a sudden I got up and walked around the room, walking was fun but I eventually went and layed back down.. then I got this weird feeling that I "reset" myself. Peyton said I walked around the room and layed down in the same spot 4 times. Not only that, I got deja vu during the trip. I don't know if you guys ever get that feeling where you just feel like you've seen something before, or been in the situation, but I got that feeling. Let me tell you, if you get that while tripping, be ready for a ride. At that moment it seemed like EVERYTHING got clear, and I came back. That's what I felt, I felt like I tripped my whole life over again, and I was back in my room just chillin. It was an amazing feeling, that brought me back to looking at my hands and saying "I'm here"
After that I started talking to peyton again, I don't remember the exact conversation, but I do remember going through the biggest discovery of my life. I had no motivation. I have no idea what it was, but I was thinking about doing something and I told myself "I'll do it later.." but for some reason I sat there and thought about it...
"I'll do it later..." I don't know how I thought of this, but for some reason I saw this, clear in my head.
Two lines as such
Now thinking of those things while also thinking about hospital heart monitors. And my period moves in a direction on that one line. I thought of motivation as being the other line... And I realized it. I said these exacts words... "I have to start somewhere." and the image reappeared in my head like this
I discovered something about myself, I really did. I noticed how much I lied to get through the day, and how much I lied to myself. And then it occurred to me RIGHT there.
I wasn't David (that's my name)
I was me, the soul that lies inside of me. The real me. I felt like I finally met myself, like I finally became self-concious. And again, I looked at my hands and said "I'm here"
Once I realized this, I lost touch with reality, but I was still me. It so hard to explain, all I could think about was life, and my own thought process inside my head. I was so fascinated and I honestly think this intensified the trip in some way. It was like I could control when I lost touch with reality, and when to come back. I pictured myself infront of two doors.
The left door was the unknown, was wherever my mind was. And the right door was reality. I remember seeing myself opening the left door, and walking in. I never closed the door, whenever I would go in, I would get this weird feeling about time, it's like... Right then and there I started understanding the TRUE flow of time. I understood that time was never ending, and I remember realizing.. "All I have... is right now"
"The past or the future does not exist, I'm here, right now."
"And that is all I truly have"
I would go through revelations like this whenever I would go into the left door, but I could feel myself losing touch with reality and I would always run out the doorway and get back to the right door and slam it shut. I was back in reality. I did this over 15 times, and mike rejoined us around 1 or 2 and then I started really tripping. I would go into these looooong silences, just focusing on how I felt.. And I'm gonna be honest for that time.. I cannot remember nothing but what I was feeling, and I can't describe it, but it was amazing. After that peak I started trying to understand and explain how I felt, and all I could do was draw on paint. (if you guys want the actually picture that i drew that night, just let me know. it's not much haha.)
But i drew a circle and labeled it life, and drew a line to show it had a direction. peyton and mike got confused and asked which way, and i said "there is no way, it's just going somewhere, it's moving. it's going straight" It was so hard to try to explain this, because I knew it, but I couldn't explain it. I spent a really long time trying to explain that. Then I drew 3 other circles, and labeled them respectively each with the beginning letter of our names. I said "These. Our souls" and then I took my hand and gestured that the circle that I labeled life. Then.. For some odd reason I thought about our senses... and I drew 5 more circles, this time smaller circles around the circle labeled life. And I don't know, I just realized. Senses are everything to us, senses are what shows us life, how beautiful it is. And then I got to realize... What if we are souls just going a long with life. And these senses are what attracted us, and then I got this feeling.. And I realized. I got seperated from that circle during this trip. David was the person in that circle, those senses influenced my thought process on life to the point towhere I didn't think "outside" the bubble. That's what i thought to myself "I'm here, but not here." peyton and mike asked me what I meant, then I went through a sort of revelation type thing and started asking them, "Why do you get so happy when you hear a song that you enjoy?" Why do you get so happy when you take a nice warm shower?" "WHY do sensations please you?" then i said "I don't know... I'm confused... but i'm not supposed to be.." And I left it at that.
I felt lifted. I felt as though I am in complete control of my brain now, and I'm not controlled by my desires to satisfy my senses. Everything is SO clear to me now. I wish I could really explain how I feel now but it's impossible.
Michael went to sleep and me and peyton just chilled for the rest of the night talking about random things. I remember enjoying the time so much.. I just thought and realized, "If all you have is right now, then why think about things that are going to make you sad? The past doesn't exist anymore. The future hasn't come into existence, it will, but right now all I have now, and I'm gonna make the best of it."
Ever since then I've been so happy with life, I also tripped 2 nights ago, and it was a really really bad trip that I actually enjoyed more than the first trip (I'll write about that one later)
Sorry if this was such a long story, but i feel like it changed my life so much. As of now, the best day of my life was waking up that morning, and being able to process with a sober mind what had happened that night.