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First time shrooming- a beautifully harsh realization

we're in the mixing bowl of life.

I only took a dub my first time but i'm only 110 lbs and they were really good shrooms (apparently). I was with my one of my best friends (who is a girl) one of my other best friends who is a guy and one kid i just met. At the peak pretty much of my trip my life and people all around me puddled to the floor and we were up against the sides of a mixing bowl waiting to be mixed. I looked around me and everyone was so beautiful and my life was so beautiful i cried for 2 hours. My existence was the thing that made me the happiest and i wanted to let everyone know how much i loved them being there. I then thought about my relationship with my boyfriend (Cryosaurus Rex). I realized that i block out so much in my life and thought about everything and was able to actually see everything in my life so clearly. I realized that he's not a caring person. I usually brush off the "insignificant" things about people but then i realized that everything you do matters. Never will your actions be void of the meaning or intent behind them. I thought about everything i dont usually want to think about instead of getting blazed and happy and forgetting. This was an eye opening experience. I realized that Rex really does love me but he's not at a point in his life to make sacrifices for anyone. He's just not a caring person and he doesn't have the personal willpower and strength to take care of anyone, even himself.

So basically I lost control of my mind and i saw all my emotions spilling on top of me in my puddle of friends and I realized i'm completely in love with my other friend. (the guy, hahaha) I actually looked at him and saw myself in his eyes, like a mirror image. I could see myself being with him and began to hate my place in the world because of it. I kept telling him that I was going to fall out of my life if I couldnt talk to him and how beautiful he was. I couldnt stop talking during my trip either and I didnt move at all, except for rolling around on the ground. Then i looked in the mirror for about an hour. I didnt even recognize myself and I didnt know who it was. I felt like my body wasnt mine and i wanted to get out of it.

I didnt recognize my voice either, i felt like i was listening to someone else talk. I really liked the sound of it but it wasnt me! I also kept coughing when i laid on my stomach because i couldnt breathe in random positions. The trees warped into bubbly illustrations and we were all in a cartoon. The colors were so bright and almost all blue (except the sky) turned green. Until about 3 hours after i stopped tripping too. Which was really weird to see the colors change when i wasnt even tripping, haha.

Basically my trip it was extremely enlightening and I don't think my life will ever be the same. I realized things about people that i needed to realize all along and it helped me come to terms with myself and my existence :)