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First Time (A Bad Trip- but still good)

3.5 grams made me a better person



So there were two of us, we've been together for a year and he (let's call him L) had tripped 3 times beforehand, and this was my first time.



I went to L's house, hid for him in the big tree out front. We climbed around in it for a while, since it really is just a massive tree. Then we went inside and started to get ourselves ready.  When we left we went to CVS to pick up water and a disposable camera. Then we biked to a park. It was SUCH a long bike ride, but totally worth it. We found ourselves this nice little spot in between a lake, and a forest type woodland thing. It was this small patch of grass, with some shade. We parked our bikes, pulled out our blanket and sat down.


We then ate our shrooms. Covered first in Nutella, but regardless we still had 3 grams each. I didn't taste it at all, which was wonderful considering how everyone always says they are terrible.


L smoked a little bit of weed but I didn't want anything but shrooms in my system. We both sat and/or lay there talking for a while. We took a couple photos then, and I said I would use to to help me keep track of reality… When I looked through the lens I could see what the world actually was. He had taken his shirt off 'cause it was so hot, and we were lying on our blanket together. He was giving me coquillas and suddenly they started feeling so good. So much better than regular ones, and then he kissed me really softly. I could feel each pore on my body and which ones had any amount of pressure on them so acutely. I was watching the sky, and the trees thin spindly branches. I was definitely starting to feel them, maybe 45 minutes in. Music was playing, from the playlist I made. It was perfect, the sounds were so incredible.

We decided it was time for an adventure, but we couldn't seem to rally ourselves to get up quite yet. Once we did, we had such a fuss over what went where and who did what and we were both just so confused and giggling that we flopped back down on the blanket again. Repeat at least twice. 


When I looked left and right I felt like each path led to an adventure. So we finally got ourselves up and started to bike down the left one. I was giggling the entire time saying how we were starting to go down the rabbit hole. 


We biked till we reached this really small hole that was made by a collection of trees and scrub. We decided to push our way through, and so we got off our bikes (promptly falling over ourselves) and made our way through the thicket. The music started to match every significant event- us leaving our camping ground, going through the brush, etc. We had to push our bikes for a while, tripping over roots, and just plain tripping. A quote I believe was "I swear to god that was an alligator." - L, after walking by a log. Every time I put my sunglasses on, I felt like I was seeing the world like a 3D movie, and I was in a Jurassic Park ride at a theme park. One of us would stop every once in a while, stumble over ourselves, or just stare up and around. Eventually we would decide to get back on the bikes and so we did. 


Biked through and through, over bushes and logs and roots and rocks. We ended up biking through this long thick green grass that was the lawn of Fairchild. L and I got off our bikes, and properly looked at each other for the first time since the start of our adventure. This is probably an hour and three quarters in, but I am definitely not sure. We were really starting to feel it. We dropped our bikes and walked toward each other, hugging when we met. And what an amazing beautiful hug it was. I felt every part of myself in him, and felt so connected. We realized we couldn't stay there, too many people, so we turned around and went the way we came. I kept talking about descending into madness and disappearing down the rabbit hole and how I felt like Alice. We got back to the thick collection of trees, and the small opening and pushed our way back through. We kissed outside it, and every bit of myself felt it. We biked back to our 'home' (original camping ground) and quickly re-set up shop. Once we lay out the blanket we collapsed on to them, feeling each others arms and hands and bodies. Every once in a while we'd get up for water. Then I started rolling around in the grass, talking about how we were in this middle ground, this forgotten waste land between where civilization was (the lake) and madness (the forest). Kept rolling around with L, talking and giggling. We decided it was time for another adventure. But again, it took us another 35 minutes to actually go. 


We were tripping really hard at this point. I could barely hold the speakers in my hand, but I held them anyway. We went right this time, and walked back around the lake to where the bike path was to the beach. Cars stopped being cars, and were more like big things with eyes that aliens sat in. Started down the path, and this is when we started losing all touch with reality. It is hard to explain what it is like to lose reality unless you have before. I openly started talking to myself, realizing only to stop when people were walking by. Felt like everyone was staring at us, knowing we were on shrooms. I questioned why everyone else wouldn't take shrooms, and that we should always just stay on them.


The forest would run with us as we were biking. We kept swerving off the sidewalk into bushes and grass, wobbling but never falling over. We see a small clearing and go directly for it. Immediately we drop our bikes and start to collapse, talking openly to ourselves until Jean Louis realizes there is a person there. That in fact there were numerous people. So we decide to keep going all the way to the beach. We power forward, and reach the end of the bike path to see not the beach but a sea of cars. Way too many people for us too handle. We clutched at each other, laughing manically. Turned around, and suddenly the energy changed. The trees that were once point us forward and running with us, where running against us and seemed so dark and angry.

Got back the very end of the bike path to where the lake was. Tried crossing the street, but had no consideration whatsoever for cars. I didn't think they could hurt me since even the hardest of pressures I couldn't even feel. 


We pushed our bikes through the grass around the lake again back home (camping ground). We had talked constantly to ourselves on the way back. I kept repeating how we were descending, and descending, and how we needed to get home. 


Once we got there though the energy had altered completely. We didn't realize that just because it was where we started off, that it was a good place for us to be. I start rolling around again, with a total loss of reality. I stopped understanding what is, what was, where and who everyone and everything was. I kept saying my friends and sisters names. I'd go through periods of calm, and suddenly sit up and try to call my sister and best friend. I needed a grasp of something that was real. I could barely even see. It was sticky and hot, and we were sweaty. I looked down at myself, not recognizing what my limbs were for. My legs were cut up and covered in dark bruises. L had multiple gashes down the sides of his legs too. I felt nothing.

This is about 3 and a half hours in, when the trip started turning sour. I started worrying about where I had to go. I had to be at 9 at the metro. But I had no idea what the metro was, nor any concept of time. All I wanted was my twin, and made frequent attempts to contact her. This portion of the trip is really blurry, as I'm not sure what happened nor when. I called my best friend at one point, though I have no idea what I said, and I could tell Jean Louis was getting really worried. I couldn't understand where we were, or what reality was. I was unsure of what was real or not. I knew it was all in my head and I kept telling myself that, but then I would question what is my head. And what constitutes being inside it and outside. There was nothing but free form space where all thoughts and everything went. 


I didn't think that life was real. I kept questioning existence, and what it was, and the existence of school, and what is it exactly that we are supposed to learn. I knew that it was my school, but I couldn't grasp what on earth we we learning there, or what a school even was. I didn't understand the purpose of being taught since I figured what we learnt from our experiences was more important and 'subjects' would come more naturally that way. Nor could I remember what anyone looked like. What grounded me the most was looking at my legs, and then I noticed how bad they look, and that there were gnats flying around us. L is talking madly, and also trying to calm me down since I was panicking about where my twin was. I kept telling myself that I had a twin, and parents, but couldn't understand either concepts of it. We kept drinking water, and I remember repeatedly sitting up and drinking and slamming the bottle down. I would sit up, look around widely and panicked, then L would calm me I'd lie down and I'd fall into a state of peace and pleasure.


After calling another friend, L decided it was time for us to go home, and somewhere colder. We got on our bikes and went back around the lake. I almost walked back into the street when a car was coming but Jean Louis stopped me. I was starting to come down a little, (about 4 and a half hours in here). I was convinced that everyone was staring at us. But I started getting desperate to get home. We started biking back, which was a long way there in the first place, and even longer whilst tripping.

At one point, I wanted to go out in the street when a big white SUV was turning, so I could feel what it was like to get hit by a car. It didn't matter to me at all, since I couldn't comprehend what reality was. I just wanted to feel something. Jean Louis stopped me again though. I felt like I was in a completely alternate world. Shapes passed by me, and I felt like I was on some alien planet trying to get back to where I had come from. Yet, I had no idea where that was, which is probably where my panic about the metro stemmed from.


I started to recognize places we had passed before, so I felt more in touch with what was real and what wasn't. L brought me to Panera, and made me go inside and sit down, since we couldn't go home yet. I felt very unsafe without him there, knowing especially that I looked like I had been attacked, with twigs in my hair and bruises/cuts down my legs.

 

He came back, and with food. What a sweetheart. I was still tripping out, so was he, but we had come down considerably. (5 hours in). L and I kept repeating how much we loved each other, and how we were so unhealthy for each other. Not necessarily because of what we did (or were doing), but because of how our relationship has affected us in such a profound way that we won't be able to cope without the other. He told me I was an outlet for this unhealthiness.

After we at and drank, we decided to go home (home!). 


We went straight to his room and just lay together on his bed. We were getting back into a talkative mood, so we would talk about everrrryything that had just happened. After we finished, we realized we were still pretty high, not tripping hard anymore though, and just lay in his bed together, cuddling. This was about 6 and a half hours after we had eaten the shrooms. We just lay there together. We talked a little bit more about our trip, and I apologized for making it stressful, but we both agreed that it was still a lot of fun, and that there is no one else we'd rather have done it with. We also agreed that next time, if there was to be one, we would not be going to a park or doing it at midday. We would do it in his room, or house so that we would feel safe.


It's funny, because the one thing I was scared of happening, happened. I had a bad trip. Well not necessarily, all bad because it wasn't, just part of it. Though we did trip SO hard, which is what we had wanted to do, and despite the fact that we weren't always safe, we made it out of there (relatively) unharmed, minus of course the massive bruising and cuts we got from collapsing on the ground and rolling around. 


It was insanity. I didn't understand what life was, or why we did what we did. But it was a beautiful, incredible experience. Next time, if there is one, we will be much safer, and stay indoors at L's house rather than in at a park.


Anyway, this trip made me realize that I love L so much, we are so very much in love with each other.

I've also noticed that after the trip, this is a lasting effect, that I no longer have these issue of self-concioussness that I had beforehand. I started to take care of myself better, and feel like a generally overall better person. I've noticed that I've become more friendly, and open, and though I can't prove it had anything to do with shrooming, it's certainly how I feel like. 

I definitely plan on doing it again, this time with both Jean Louis and my twin sister since I realized that I have to have her present for these sorts of emotional experiences.


All in all, it was a bad trip that ended up having really great repercussions. 

    


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Eating the shrooms



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Looking up at the sky, this is when I was coming up.







Edabea
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