3 life-changing trips: the Dream, the Nightmare, the Wake-Up Call
Before I begin detailing part 1 (of 3) of my distinct and unique journeys, I'd like to describe myself and the situation that had led me to the being that I am today. I've been a frequent marijuana user (5 years, since age 16) ever since my parents went through a rough divorce. I have done a number of other drugs, but at a minimum. My first shroom trip at the age of 18 slapped me out of the pseudo-social lynchpin of teenage life and put me on a path of curiosity. More specifically, it opened my eyes. Looking around, I saw the complexity inherent within the simplicity of nature, and it overwhelmed me as I awed at how things have systematically come to be. I felt as if i was a child being born again into a world of astonishment and wonder. The death of the ego, the expansion of consciousness, and the fluctuating dream-like state of things all filled my perceptive experience(s) with mushrooms. Since my first shroom trip, I have had about 8-10 total trips. What I wish to chronically give an account of today is part 1 out the 3 most dramatic trips of my experience with shrooms, and how they have left me today.
Trip 1- The Dream
[12:00 PM] A beautiful, clear sunny day. Two of my friends (1 boy 1 girl) come to my house and we eat our shrooms. These shrooms were MASSIVE. 1 stock weighed ~ 2 grams. Anyhow I take 5g, my bud takes 3g, and the girl w/ us took ~2.5. I eat them plain, my friends eat them w/ chicken nuggets & Carl's Junior (not the best idea for your stomach i.m.o.), and we wait for it to kick in while watching Harold & Kumar: Escape from Guantanemo Bay. The shrooms, being way more stronger than I expected, hit me 15-20 mins after ingestion. I trip HARD immediately and have no idea what is going on, while my friends are still coming up.
[12:45 PM] I decide to go into the backyard and get some fresh air. Sitting down, my backyard looks like a canvas; the trees, the bushels, the grass, the fence, the flowers all lose distinction and become one entity in a Van Gogh -esque painting. The sound of the hummingbird chirping overwhelms my auditory nerves. It is as if the chirp is an electronically-generated sound effect, with a high pitch and treble, and even a distinct bass-line. The reverberation of he hummingbird's chirp is insanely detailed, as if I am experiencing time at a fraction of what I would experience it in a sober-state. My bud joins me outside, and we both kick it in the back yard, overwhelmed by the collapse of our sensory brake pedals.
[1:45 PM] All 3 of us go into my room, where we stay and listen to some psychedelic music (Infected Mushroom :D). We begin discussing the trip thus far, and we all note how it feels as if our brains are operating too fast for either us/ our bodies to follow. This led me to understand that, if sought after, higher consciousness is attainable through an experience similar to that of the psychedelic. The bridge that limited my brain from absorbing a certain level of stimuli appeared to have been defunct for this period of time, and, overwhelmed by stimuli (it should be noted that i did experience several "mixing" of sensory information, such as "seeing" sound, or "hearing" the spacetime around me [perhaps due to the thalamus?]), all we could do was just lay in my room. I played with my shoelaces (lol).
[2:30 PM] We precede to watch a certain number of trippy videos on the web, including one with some fish that I don't remember, but i digress. At this time our friend (the girl) is pretty much k.o'd on my bed, and my friend and i decide to go for a walk outside. Going outside totally changed the entirety of the mushroom trip. There were some wierd experiences that I remember while we were walking to a spot near my house to see a view of the valley from the cliffs. At first, a mother and her 3 children are in their driveway, and my bud & I, tripping, are extremely wierded out. The mother looked at us and gave this "wtf is up with you two" kind of look, although to this day the intrinsic debate about whether we looked that f'd up or whether we were overwhelmed by paranoia (or both) has yet to be decided. Around the corner, a dog in the back yard of a house facing the street we are walking on begins to notice somethings up (which recurs again later... animals can just sense things o.O) and barks violently. He then looks me in the eye for about 2 seconds, almost as if it was the eye-to-eye moment before the aggression from an individual overwhelms their control. somehow after this, i began to question aggression and how this moment tied in with some of the primal and aggressive behavior that morphs humans into animals. Why aggression? Life is a constant wave; up & down. Why distress yourself and your environment when you're at the bottom of the wave when you're insured to get back up? Strength no longer became about who could dominate. Who could assert their will the most. Strength's definition changed to not hitting as hard as you can hit, but rather taking the strongest of hits, un-wavered, but I digress. We continued walking until a man, about 50ft away from us (listening to his ipod or something) and his dogs, came to their house. The dogs looked at us from that distance and immediately began barking. I thought "wtf?" I wasn't aware of how perceptive dogs can be. What i think of it was that there was this constant "whaaaaaooohhhnnwaaaaaoohhhnn", wave-like frequency that i kept hearing, as if time and matter itself were riding these waves of sound. Idk if it was the altered brainwaves I had, or something out of my knowledge, but my hypothesis is that those dogs were somehow hearing them too.
[3:15 PM] We finally reach our destination, and we sit on the bench and just gaze at the bridge, the marketplace, the valley, and the long road that curves itself into the mountains. This is where I had the most (positive) insane experience of mushrooms i have ever had. sitting on that bench, these sounds of frequency- waves of something (whatever they were) had me in a trance. the world seemed to dissolve from its physical state. it was as if everything was a dream. nothing seemed permanent or solid. all i experienced was, as best as i can put it, data. everything was numbers and information, presented to us via the senses, which thus turned everything around us into something that we can intrinsically understand. i felt as if i could look past matter, that i could imagine pulling a piece of spacetime itself out of the universe. 3D 4th D of time seemed nothing special anymore, as if i was riding on a rollercoaster of things i had no idea where holding me together, blindfolded. Data, evolution, the drive for complexity... all these things rushed into my head. I realized that I was nothing more than a cell of a being, a cell that processes information and data and represents it to the motor body through something humanly understandable, graspable, and "real". this led to the human safety complex, the ego, being dropped. its as if i was presented with truth, and who i thought i was no longer mattered. an amazing feeling that has stuck with me today and still affects the choices i do.
(SIDE NOTE; feel free to skip if you don't want to read about religion/science. nothing to do with the existence of god) i understand this is a forum for people not to preach things, but rather detail their own experiences and leave judgement to the community. however, i was rather quite taken that this expansion of consciousness and the presentation that reality is a "illusory" blanket on top of an entire complexity has been the doctrine of eastern philosophy and religion for thousands of years (note, Toaism and its derivations). More importantly, western philosophy (the focus on the atom or material), while it has been distracted with applying science to business (which i think is responsible for many of the voes of our world, including exploitation of resources and the corruption of government), is finally begin to understand, through science, that materiality shouldn't be the goal of an inhabited universe. Quantum physics shows this. Electrons have been studied to suggest that nothing is separate, that either there is only 1 electron in the universe, and/or everything is interconnected with everything else (holographic principle of the universe; see dr. alain aspect's findings and the double-slit experiment). quantum physics has also shown that particles aren't actually in one location at a given time, but are rather in multiple places at the same time (parallel universes), and that matter is the result of a specific vibrational frequency, with different amplifications producing different varieties of matter. Max Planck, the father of quantum mechanics has said "As a man who has devoted his whole life to the most clear headed
science, to the study of matter, I can tell you as a result of my
research about atoms this much: There is no matter as such. All
matter originates and exists only by virtue of a force which brings the
particle of an atom to vibration and holds this most minute solar system
of the atom together. We must assume behind this force the existence of
a conscious and intelligent mind. This mind is the matrix of all
matter". I am human and will never fully understand the mystery of life as long as i am a part of it. this is why death has and will be a very sensitive issue for me (and I'm sure, with everyone else), as you'll see in parts 2 & 3. however, i just wanted to add this to my journal of this specific shroom trip to note that everything that drives the software (consciousness) that is created by our brain is based on 1 or more chemical reaction(s). the feelings i recieved on this trip have been very reflective of these scientific findings and has made me have an enormous respect for eastern philosophy. more importantly, it has diverted my attention to behavior, as i believe consciousness to be the substance of an inhabited universe, not matter.
(back to the log) [4:30 PM] My friend and I are back at my house and we are downstairs watching family guy (episode which stewie invents a time machine for his toothace and peter opens a bar in the basement). time is still a fraction of what it normally feels like, and as i observe stewie's eyes as he talks rapidly about manipulating spacetime to eliminate his pain, i am able to observe every pixel in which his eyes shift from corner to corner rapidly. a sense of euphoria has rushed me. nothing matters. i am nothing, but i am everything. my friend and i are laughing hysterically at literally everything, including family guy episodes, commercials, each other, random things (music, events, etc.).
[5:20 PM] Here's the funny (for you, not so much for me) part of this experience. at around this time my friend and i notice that the girl w/ us has disappeared. we begin searching for her, and after 10 minutes of looking outside/inside the house, we find her in my parents bed. i ask her if she's ok, and she confirms yes, so i leave her be and tell her we'll come back for her. we watch more tv and finally she comes downstairs tired and groggy (she had a bad trip earlier where she was uncomfortable and moving from the couch to the floor and whatnot) in a different shirt than before (long, thought it was a shirt to sleep in or something that she brought with her). We leave the house in 30-45 minutes and go to my friend's house, dropping her off simultaneously. i'm in my car, very ecstatic and vibrant to the music, and pull up to a gas station. a couple of guys my age take notice to my deadmau5 shirt (which is sadly too small for me now), and nudge "sup/nice shirt". i feed the good vibes and give them a thumbs up and a laugh back. About 15 minutes later, my friend (the girl) calls and apologizes because while my bud and i were walking, she had a really bad trip and went into my parent's closet and tried on their clothes/threw their clothes on the ground as she was stumbling and trying to hold onto something). my mom calls me about 5 minutes later, and I, unprepared for a very pissed mom, stutter "uhhh" for 5 minutes to her inquiry as to why her closet's fucked up. haha long story short, she wasn't too happy and doesn't trust me with girls anymore (i told her we had sex and she was f'd up on something. better than her thinking i was doing mushrooms at the time x).
[7:00 PM] The mushrooms have worn off. the feeling of euphoria and appreciation still linger. tired, i head home to an angry mother and get a well-rested sleep.
I woke feeling rejuvenated and alive the next day.
I'm currently in finals week :( so i won't be posting part 2 for at least another 1-1/2 weeks. Ty for reading. Have an awesome day/night -Sergeant Pepper