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Discovering a New World in my Mind
1/8th on a bagel
1/8th on a bagel
Alright, so last night I had some magic mushrooms with afriend. We watched some tv until they kicked in. everything was bright andbeautiful. We went through some of the crazy buildings here and explored thewhole campus. Then I came back and metup with some other friends that weren't tripping but knew that I was and werecompletely cool with it. We went up on some high places and then went to abaseball field and played Frisbee. I then climbed down what seemed at the timeto be a 30 foot wall but was probably only 10 feet looking back on it. It wasawesome. Then we went back to the dormsand I went to my room. And talked to abunch of people that were around me, explaining what was going on.
At thispoint I became extremely introverted. I experienced all of the last 3 to 4weeks of my life at one time. Time itself had become non-existent. I didn'tknow if I was sitting in my room or was at someone elses house that I had beenat, I could actually feel like I was at all kinds of different places and withall different people at the same time. After this I thought I had figured out the universe and was tellingeveryone, they thought it was hilarious but I was completely serious. I thoughtthat I would never need to sleep again and that I could just work hard ateverything and nothing else would matter and everything in life was going to beokay.
Then Itried to look at my laptop. I couldn't see what was on the screen, it was ablurry and going on and off really quickly. Then I felt really tired. I thought I had fallen asleep but I probablyhadn't. Then I got up and took the elevator down and went outside, then cameback to my room and then went outside again just on a whim.
So I had just walked back outsideagain after trying to sleep and the sky was an extremely dark blue with grayclouds covering all of it. Everything was damp. I talked to the people thatwere there that I had thought were my friends. Steph was over by herself for awhile and then joined us. The conversation they were having was extremelygruesome but they were laughing about it. I could pinpoint different thingsthat I had said were cool before that they were mentioning but as if theydidn't know that I knew. The one girl gave me a hug. They kept asking me if itwas a "bad come down."
After about10 minutes or so they all left to go to a local gas station but they hadanother name for it but it made sense. Everything was still as vivid as if Iwas fully awake. I could feel everything, the cold, the wind, the stoop I was sittingon. I sat by myself for a few minutes trying to figure things out. I thought Iwas in hell. Eventually I decided to try to get into My dorm . I didn't know ifmy swipe card would work or not but I tried it and it did. I walked to theelevator and got in. instead of going directly to my floor I decided to seewhat was left of the earth so I went to the 13th floor. From there Ilooked out over all of the huge city that I live in. The industrial buildingswere barely lit up but the levy and that direction was alive with fire and whatlooked like candles and maybe a circus. It reminded me of Las Vegas or a postapocalyptic city. After watching for a while I could tell that it looked likethe whole city had burned down and was in flames. I went to the stairs andstarted walking down to my room.
As I waswalking down the stairs, I could hear something following me down but itscurried away if I tried to stop and look at it. It sounded like a scarycreature. Clicking and using all four appendages for movement. And also lightbut very strong. All of this was constructed just from the sound. When I got tomy floor I slowly opened the door, almost expecting it to be locked. Once on myfloor, I stopped and watched. Someone was there. He was unhappy and had abackpack on. He trudged slowly into his room and shut the door. I walked past Anotherfriends room and it seemed to have a faint glow to it. I could also hear what Ican only describe as heavenly music behind the door. I slowly walked to my ownroom and knocked on the door.
My roommateanswered the door. I asked him if I could come in and he kinda of looked at melike I was crazy. Of course I could come he said, It was my room too after all.So I went in and sat down. But it didn't feel like my room. Again I asked ifthis was ok with him. He again asked me why it wouldn't be because I livethere. He kept asking me if I was okayand I assured him that I was not. My bedsheets were still wet because I hadnt dried them properly earlier. Everythingin my room was exactly how it was in the real world. Everything was exactly as in reality. Itwasn't like a dream. I still had a cough, everything felt real. I sat down onthe floor and started talking to my roommate. I was looking for some guidancebut he let me come to my own conclusions and asked things like "what do you mean" and things like that. I talkedabout God and rejecting Him and not telling people about Christ and this seemed to make me feel overall better but also humbled because I understood how Godcould make"every knee bow and every knee confess." There was also a gulp in mythroat every time I said the word Jesus or Christ. Overall I had a slight headache and felt sickto my stomach throughout this whole experience. I also was forced to continuetalking by myself. If I stopped talking, everything in the room would getsmaller until I started again.
At thispoint, I still thought that I had died in The World somehow and that throughrejecting Gods creation for trying to think of something with the help of themushrooms, I had been punished and sentenced to a world without God. ( I had totally forgot that I could still betripping and had excepted this as the new reality after my "comedown")
After awhile of me talking to roommate about God and things I got up and started towalk out. I didn't know where I wasgoing and I was waiting for my roommate to call after me. He did. He asked mewhere I was going but I said I didn't know. Outside, to think? Sure, I said.
Okay, let me come with you, he said.
But as I waited for him I changed my mind and waited for himto take the lead. He didn't but he asked me if I wanted to go to thekitchen. I asked him if this would be agood idea and he said he thought so.
Once in thekitchen, I sat across from him and we talked more about things. I asked him ifI was dead and he asked me how much I took and he said no, it would take a lotmore than that. Another walked by, he seemed completely real and asked me how Iwas doing, he remembered the conversation I had been having with him earlierabout the universe making sense now and said something relating to that. Thenkept on going down the hallway. (later he told me I had just stared at him likehe was a martian). I returned to focusing on the conversation between me and my roommate. We talked about things such as dark being the absence of light and thatwithout sins and lies and hate a deceit then what else is there. ( Also while I was sitting in the roombefore, scrubs was playing but it was still reminding me of terrible thingsthat I had done. It wasn't a normal episode. It really struck a chord in myheart.) I said Love as a guess, but hewasn't convinced.
From therethings started becoming blurry in some spots but I had this happen before so Ididn't really think too much of it. It got worse and worse though and the blurrstarted to move a little bit. My roommate asked me how something to lead me tounderstand. Something about decisions and whatnot but the point was that Iunderstood. And I said, "sin blinds you." He smirked and said, yes it does.
I asked himquestions about who he was. He avoided weather he was an angel or not. He wasnot a saint and he had also not lived in The World as he called reality. He said everyone has Guardian Angels and thehe and I both had a few. He alsomentioned something about every piece of advice that we had been given in ourlives being similar to this.
Around thistime, our conversation ended and we went back to the room. He left itcompletely up to me when we were done though. I felt lost but guided. In theroom, my roommate pointed out that mysheets were still wet and helped me to put sheets of his own on my bed. It was more of me trying to help him though. He said something about people having certainthings that helped them relax, it reminded me of being in the World and havingthe TV on for him and he knew it. I got into bed after standing by it thinkingfor a while. The lights were left on andscrubs was turned on. My roommate assured me that he dealt with these kind ofthings and that the best thing to do would be to sleep it off now. I asked himIf I could trust him and he said sleep would be the best thing. And I wouldwake up back in the World.
I trustedhim and tried to sleep. I was still cold, the lights were on and tv was on butI tried. After about an hourhe got up and asked if I wanted the lights off, andI said "sure." Thanks. He turned off scrubs, got some things together, turnedout the lights, walked out of the door and locked it. I tried to sleep for the next hour so andeventually, sleep took me. He came back twice in the night but I was too afraidto look because I still thought that he was some kind of heavenly creature inmy roommates body.
Thismorning I woke in the room by myself exactly as I went to sleep in the otherplace. I felt like I had had a goodnights sleep actually. After a couple minutes I was able to convince myself toopen the curtains and look out the window. Everything looked a little barrenbut I was pretty sure that it was reality. I got up and checked my computer, Facebook worked, so I was almostconvinced. I started going about my daily routine and got out into the hall to take a shower. Ireally knew I was back when someone greeted me in the bathroom. He had life inhis voice.
I took myshower deep in thought about the night before and went back to my room. I threwon some clothes and began recording the video. My roommate got back to the room. I had no idea what I was expecting tohappen, I thought he wouldn't remember any of it or something. He asked me if I was okay and told me that Iwas really out of it the night before from about 2 oclock on. He said I wasrambling about God and that I asked him if he was the devil. He remembered parts of our conversation but I stilldon't know how much. I don't if I wantto know. He did say he put sheets on hisbed and the dollar that he had given me in the night was still on my desk. He said I wasn't making sense the nightbefore but I don't know if he was part of the whole conversation or only parts.He said we watched scrubs but that I really didn't like it. He was different than I remember him but Icant pinpoint in exactly what way.
I didn't focuson the good part which at least the first half for about 4 and half hours butit was still really awesome. I just felt happy and warm and everything wasreally beautiful with vibrant colors and patterns. I could also hear everythinglike it was right next to me which was really cool, especially any time I waswithin 500 feet of the music building.
It wasn't until about 5 oclocklater that day that I finally accepted that everything that had happened thenight before was part of the shrooms and that I hadn't come down when I thoughtI did. I was sure I would never do themagain but after a day or two more of thinking, I realized how much theyexpanded my mind and I will probably try them again in a month or two after Imcompletely over this trip and how it went bad.