Amanita Muscaria - Heaven AND Hell

(If you don't want to let your imagination run wild and get INTO this writing, or are in a rush and don't have time to read it, and rather a quick summary - Just know that this mushroom is NOT for recreational use, AT ALL - for it contains both Heaven, AND hell inside.)


After thorough research into the Flying Agaric, I finally decided to order an ounce online of Washington Grade A++ (yes, double PLUS).


So there I was... in the heart of this beautiful, secluded mystical forest, surrounded by pure greeness. That morning, I had completely skipped breakfest in the hope for a stronger, undiluted experience. (With the exception of my daily morning consumption of Reishi mushroom powder). I decided to start small, (as with most substances you are unfamiliar with, it is always best to slowly work your way up), so I only ate one large cap. (The entire ounce was only 5 large caps, so the cap I ate was about ~6 grams).
While I was waiting for it to settle in, I began to play some soothing Bob Marley and then closed my eyes, criss-crossed legs, and began to meditate on my third eye. I could faintly hear the wind blowing above me in the trees through my headphones. I was taking in everything around me, aware of all the energies of the tall beautiful trees surrounding me.
I was very relaxed and mellow at this point, so I felt it was finally about the right time to take out the already-rolled cone-shaped 2-gram spliff that I had prepared before venturing on this journey. (I only had access to Mexican-grade regs, unfortunately, for this experience). I had packed the spliff really tight and it was burning sooo slowwww and even. I felt the 2 grams of regs should be sufficient to ease into the trip gradually & comfortably, and reduce any possible nausea (of which I had been warned of through my research), as Cannabis, afterall, is perhaps the finest anti-nausea medicine known to man. After this spliff, I only had about a gram left to pack in my bowl for during/after the trip.

So after about an hour, I finally begin to feel different - at this point I am not yet sure if it placebo, or the mushroom. For the sake of comfort, I now laid on back, my head resting against a log on the floor. The only bright ray of sun that was shining through the entire forest, coincidentally, was right on my face! I cannot explain how amazing that herb felt when the sun hit my face. That vitamin-D bathing sure was incredible. And then... BAM. I now knew for a fact the mushroom had started to kick in.

While drifting off, still listening to Marley, (I still vividly remember listening to a dub version of his song 'Rainbow Country' when I began to notice the initial effects - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpZO-VHBefs) this sudden rush of insight overwhelmed me. It wasn't racing thoughts, rather it was quite the opposite - my mind felt as it had become like one-tracked... I could only focus on this ONE thing - Marley's words began to turn into MAGIC!!!! In that song when he said "I got my ALL in the Promised Land... but I feel at home, can you OVERstand?"... In that very moment I OVERstood what he meant!!!!! I began to cry because I realized 'home' is not some physical material place out there, but WITHIN your own mind... and at that moment is when Amanita began unveiling her lesson unto me - WE ARE ALL MADE OF LITTLE PEOPLE.

The sensation I was experiencing at this point was truly beyond any words... I've tried flipping through the dictionaries, page to page, and just still can't seem to find any words to possibly attempt and convey to you the mindstate I was put in. (At this point I removed my headphones to hear the sound of the pure soothing wind).
 Amanita doesn't convey the message in English, or any physical language for that matter. The message was conveyed in PURE OVERSTANDING. It was a FEELING that was conveyed. It's like I had already known all this knowledge before, because it felt so indescribably familiar... but this fungus was just helping me to remember all over again, fresh. It was dissolving years of built-up ego sugar coating, and receding me back to the source of TRUE wisdom. It was receding years of useless 'knowledge' that I had been conditioned to believe through my schooling. When I say that I became completely one-track minded, I meant I could ONLY concentrate on the lesson being taught to me. But of course, the ego wouldn't go down without a fight. Time and time again, I tried to humble myself to the point where the ego would be able to just melt so that I could have an OBE, but for some reason I kept getting plauged with worries that the ego must be concerned about. (What if someone comes here, what do I say? What's my name? Do you remember where you are? What are you going to do or say if someone sees you right now?!?!? Etc, etc) I tried my best to ignore these lingering thoughts/worries, but with no luck. It felt like inner-demons were just hijacking my thoughts, So I put back on my positivity-relayers (headphones) and listen to some Pink Floyd this time, in the attempt to try and forget about all those hypothetical situtations. It helped to divert my mind from those annoying thoughts... but it was then that I realized the message the mushroom was delivering; We are not only made up of little people, but also little destroyers as well... be careful which you choose to feed!!!  Then the old classic Cherokee Legend story called "Two wolves" popped into my head - and it was at this very moment that the revelation was fufilled. It felt like ALL the pieces of the puzzle had just fallen into place! I OVERstood the tale, on a QUANTUM level. I cannot stress that enough... on a QUANTUM LEVEL!!!!! (If you have ever experienced Amanita, you should know exactly what I mean when I use the word 'quantum')
The little people that make us up, also have little people within them, and smaller ones withing THEM, and so on, and so on, and so on, INTO INFINITY!!!!!! Like a fractal, it never ends! And all of us humans are just those 'small people' inside ONE, BIGGER person, and so on and sooo on!!! (I'm not sure if I'm it explaining well, but the psychedelic mind should know where I'm aiming at!)
After pondering on this for a moment, I became involuntarily slack-jawed. I found myself over and over again having to whipe saliva hanging from my mouth, hanging long, because I was zoning out sooo strong. Countless times I would snap out of it to whipe my mouth again, but it just felt so amazing to zone out like that so after a while I didn't even bother to whipe it anymore cause I remembered no one was looking. Then I temporarily regained consciousness again and realized where I was. I'm still stting, so I look to the side of me, and just couldn't help but to stare at this one tree, jaw-dropped in pure awe. Then a crazy thought infected my thinking process. I felt almost like as if the devil (which I later realized was the 'little destroyers') was talking and laughing at me because I had suddenly been plauged with this idea that the !llum!nat! knows that 'spiritual people' might be attracted to this mushroom, and they obviously don't want people to wake-up and found out the truth, so they intentionally setup a website that looks 'legit', but were really selling a mushroom that has been laced with some other brain/altering (destroying?) chemical... I dwelled on this for what seemed like quite a while. I assumed since they do have the most money, they could easily buy/obtain the first few results in a google search for 'amanita muscaria' (which is where I bought mine from!) I then became even more terrified as I convinced myself this could be very possible, and felt a voice inside me laughing saying "You didn't think this was actually gonna be the REAL thing, did you??? hahahaha" and then the trip suddenly became TERRIBLY SCARY...
It went from pure bliss (Heaven), having some many revelations about the process of life that it would take years for me to write, to a complete state of fear. (At this point I really regretted not eating my daily organic Goji berries & Hemp seeds breakfast)

I couldn't decipher what the F*CK was happening, why was this mushroom showing me such a dark side of life??? It was just going so beautifully!!!? But then I remembered that this mushrooms gives very, very, VERY subtle, but detailed, underlying lessons for those who are still & silent, and that can see beyond the surface. In order to gain the lessons from this mushroom, I realized you have to mute ALL inner-chatter (ego) and PAY ATTENTION. (This is why I say it's not for recreation, you can't be talking or distracted with 'friends' during the trip, you have to be extremely still and meditating for the messages to be channeled to you in order to understand them. Then they just come to you - you don't even have to think about it. I know that might sound weird, but thats the best I can describe it).

Still confused as to why I had began feel this way, I stood up, and then remembered that I still have some bud left!!! Ahhh what a relief, right? I was thinking that the bud would definitely mellow me out, so I began to look for my bowl. But I looked left, I looked right, I looked in front & behind me, but I couldn't tell where the F*CK I was anymore!!! (Keep in mind, I was still in a condensed forest so everything appeared green and looked the same in every direction)... The sense of confusion became overwhelming. I would take two steps, but it felt like I was stuck in the same spot. Then I began to forget what I was literally doing/thinking TWO seconds ago!!! Complete time-f*cker. Time-dissociation is definitely a real effect. I started to become this indescribable emotion because I couldn't find my bud!!! My hands were jittery, I was kinda shaky, I reallyyyy felt like I needed some bud right about now! Well after about what felt like 3 hours, I finally found my bowl (which had been only about 3 feet away from me the ENTIRE time). So I pack the fattest bowl, and to my luck, as I go to spark it, my extremely jittery hands completely tipped the bowl over and most it flew out, unrecoverable/findable onto the crowded forest floor. I thought it had to be a joke so I laughed, there was NO WAY that I had just lost the last little bud I had left. I went crazy looking for it, with no luck. All that remained in the bowl now was a tiny pinch. And just that pinch alone proved the beautiful syngergy of Cannabis & Amanita.

It wasn't until I took that toke that I was able to lay back down again in (non-jitteriness) peace. I then put back on some Marley, (in his song "Natural Mystic" he says "If you listen carefully now, you will hear"), this is when I became extremely still and then slowly began to hover above myself - it felt as if EVERY SINGLE CELL in my body had temporarily FROZE, and just floated up in PERFECT SHAMANIC ECSTASY. In was in this very moment that I OVERstood why it was called the "FLYING" Agaric!!!

After that, I completely blacked out. I don't remember much after that. I just woke up and found myself on the forest floor. Feeling refreshed, reborn in a sense.

I then began analyzing all the countless things I had just went through. My memory was pretty washed. But I still vividly remember experiencing bliss, and hell afterward. Remebering that the mushrooms provides very subtle lessons, I began visualizing the ying-yang, and all the dualities of life.

I then realized the underlying message the mushroom was trying to convey to me - It wanted me to experience both the bright, AND dark side of life. (In order to better appreciate the Bright side)


So, very-very-VERY highly summarized lesson learned: Starve the ego, feed the soul. [EAT REAL RAW ORGANIC HEALTHY FOOD FROM MOTHER EARTH (to feed the good helpers), avoid sugar and salt because they only feed the little destroyers] Now I'm not religious, but now I better understand how this mushroom is so closely related to alot of religious history and the Christmas tradition. 'Adam and Eve' had to avoid the temptation of feeding the little destroyers, the bible story is not literal - it just metaphorizes this. After the trip, I was hungry, and I could feel the little destroyers in me BEGGING to be fed... the dark wolf was growling "GIVE ME MCDONALDS!!! BURGER KING!!!! ETC"... the temptation was strong, but if you 'listen carefully now' and don't ignore the message - you will KNOW you are feeding the wrong wolf. (Don't satisfy the ego-trained, sugar-attracted tounge just for a few seconds and sacrifice your health)

And now I also know why little elves are incorporated into the Christmas holiday - Santa only surrounds himself with the 'good builders' that help him!!! And like Santa, GIVE, GIVE GIVE!!!!! (But this is where religion drifts into misinterpretation, they give material objects today instead as gifts) Okay sorry for the rambiling, I'm drifting too far off topic now lol.. There's a million trillion other things I wanted to say, but Long story short, if you feel ready to learn Amanita's lesson - go into a natural, untouched-by-man, RAW forest, some place you can let the ego go without any worries/distractions... and preferably with some Cannabis to help for a smoother journey, (oh and roll them up BEFORE the trip!!!!! LOL ;)


oh, and one last random thought, tree's are shaped like big mushrooms for a reason ;) and as are penis's (FOR THEY GIVE LIFE!!!!!!)... and the branches and stems off trees are like nature's methaphor for the evolutionary tree...