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Edabea
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My mind was a River

It was my first time.



It was my first time. I'd thought about whether or not tripping would be good for me as a person, and I decided to take, what was for me, the plunge. It started as a quest for knowledge, a quest for understanding. Everyone of my close friends had done it, numerous times. When I'd ask them to explain, they'd try, then say...THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND IS TO DO IT YOURSELF.


I can't even remember now how much I ate. My boyfriend and I dosed together, then took a walk. We went to the park, and sat for a while. I got giddy and started laughing at everything. He would look and smile. He had started to trip. I didn't notice it right away. I had started to feel somewhat tingly, for lack of better word. As we started back to his house, I began to feel somewhat naseaus. It passed quickly enough. As we walked inside and I sat down, it hit me like a tidal wave.


I had gone to the bathroom, and had looked at the floor. My hed got swimmy and I felt kind of dizzy. I walked out and sat down on his bed and started at the ceiling. I didn't know WHAT to think when the rough designs of the celing started spinning, moving around. They were almost forming flowers. A feeling of contentment rished over me. I just started.

I looked around and everything seemed sharper, more precise. I felt like I was in a music video, like someone was watching me...like I was outside of myself looking in, watching. I got up, and started walking. I began to feel nauseas and anxious, but I told myself it was ok, there was nothing to worry about. I looked at the wood on the door. It moved. I stared. I stared so long that I had to sit down. The door was moving, the ceiling was moving, the walls were moving...everything.


I closed my eyes and saw these bright, beautiful colors. They were forming what looked like a tunnel. I'd try as hard as I could to get my mind to reach the end of the tunnel, but it would just move farther and farther away. I began to feel like my body was distorted. I lay there with my eyes closed, watching the visuals that my mind was creating for me. I forgot what/who/when I was. I remember someone saying something to me and I had to think to remember how to talk. This was my first time tripping. I hadn't know what to expect, and it was pretty hard.


I began to think. I moved back to the livingroom and sat on the couch, lying on my stomach. I looked at the designs on the couch. My friend Andy, also tripping, sayt beside me. He looked at me, smiled, and said, "Look. The wall, it's doing a special dance just for me." That's one of the ONLY string of words I remember from beforte, during, or after the trip. I sat for a while, thinking. I thought about everything. My life, my family, my friends. Science, God, religion. Music, drugs, animals. My mind grew that night. I gained so much more than I thought possible. I finally formed my sense of who I was, what I wanted, and what I believed.


A friend came home and my boyfriend said we should have him drive us around in the car. We went. He turned on the music, BT or something, and I leaned back. I felt like I was beating with the music. I felt like it was pulling me, like I was becoming a part of the music. I BECAME the music. I had that feeling of being outside watching again. I felt tiny. I realized that in the grand spectrum of things, I was tiny and miniscule. I began to feel how small we as people really were. I had sized the car and its occupants down to a nutshell. A hard feeling to explain, yet very interesting.


This may sound silly, but we went to Super Target as we were slowly coming down. We walked in to the bright lights and people and I got nervous. I thought I was going to puke, and ran towards the bathroom. I began to comfort myself again, saying it was ok. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked absolutly hilarious to myself. I'd forgotten what I looked like during the trip.

I walked back out, calm, ablew to enjoy the rest of my trip. I wasn't quite sure why we'd come to Target at 11 oclock at night, but then I saw my boyfriend staring at the fruit. I almost burst out laughing. I got over there and all the bright colors and neat shapes just took me in. I stared at some raspberries, but when I let my focus wander, then started turning into other shapes. I was getting tired.


We drove back. My mind was exausted. It had turned into a river, and all this new info and new feelings had flown through it. We sat around, smoked some pot. I can't remember how long everything lasted, but I remember going to Subway before I went home. I was starving! I fell into bed, but it took me forever to fall asleep. And when I did, my dreams were alot more beautiful.

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