Wake up God!

     On Sunday, my weekend ended without any temptation to accomplish a goal.  My expectations were not low; I did not have any to begin with.  My weekend was over and I laid awake in my girlfriends bedroom lamenting to pursue this new week.  As I stepped outside her home's door I let go of the moment in which I was content.  In retrospect, it seems that doors play a vital role in my life.  When I stepped out of one I do not realize that my action is a minuscule after-effect of my want to pursue existence.  My girlfriend brought me home and we said our goodbyes.  Letting go of a spiritual partner for a brief moment is tormenting, I thought .  Three doors later, I found myself on my bed.  Loneliness welcomed me, and with it I felt entitled to rest.  The morning after I awoke, early as usual, I rushed off to class in order to endure a boring lecture of mathematical computations.  I reasoned I could play with time and make it go faster.  I looked to my friend Kimmy whom I have the pleasure to share this agonizing class with.  We laughed for a while.  As I walked the campus of the community college I reasoned I the week will go faster as well.  I gage the impatience I would have to endure until the weekend.  I really look forward to spending time with Beetle, she makes life worth living.  The Sun walked away and the Moon followed.  In my bed once again I eyed my mushies.  I reaped the rewards of my protracted patience.   I took several handfuls hoping that I can trip myself out.  My escapism did not yield any worthwhile thoughts, ideas or moments.  Suddenly, a twist of feelings and thoughts merged within me.  I toyed with the idea of Chronosthesia.  As of lately I've had what I can only name as visions.  The end result of this vision gave great anxiety.  Extreme paranoia blitzkrieg-ed my mis-aligned preconceived notions.  This idea excluded me from enjoying my time.  I figured my livelihood was doomed to end in disaster.  This trip kept me up late.  At five in the morning I strolled my house looking out the window.  My curios feet found there way back to a dirty carpet.  I closed my door.  Heavy darkness engulfed.  Warm blankets comforted me.  From the corner of my eye I could see a triangular shape formed by yellowish light.  Within the triangle of light an eye hid itself inconspicuously.   The door of my room painted itself in entire darkness. Curiously I looked into the darkness. I witness all the unimaginable possibilities that life offers.  I saw a life-like personification of the wizard in Electric Wizard's  album cover.  I tried to find sleep, because a test requested my diligence.  Dazed from the previous long night I awoken.  I rushed through my two classes awaiting to open the final door in my routine.  As the door knob clicked my mind checked out of the outside world.  My eyelids closed then time faded away.

   I have attempted to lucid dream, but when I do nothing happens.  They tend to naturally come up whenever I don't expect them.  As of lately the future shows itself in my dreams.  Its appearance frightened me.  I rushed once more to class.  I was looking forward to fulfilling a transaction later on that day.  My friend Roy drove me home.  We talked for a brief moment and he left.  Moments later my want to trip took over.   With hands full of mushrooms I calculated how long it will take for the psychoactive to take effect.  A maelstrom of emotion took over.  Sadness made me pace around the room.  I talked with Beetle and began to cry.  We had a huge fight about something so unimportant that is foolish to rethink of it.  I slept the the late night away.  

     I was stressing about my next test for my Cisco class, but I chilled out later on.  I called up my friend Roy once again.  He had some good bud and I had an eighth of dried mushrooms.  "Let get ready to party", I said.  "What party?", Roy replied.  I asked him to pick me up at the campus.  I opened the door of his truck and wore a wide smile.  We were loud and enthusiastic to begin the fun.  "Lets go pick up our trip snacks, and go check out the movies", I said.  "What type of gummy bears should I get?", asked Roy.    "Sour", I exclaimed.  I swiped my debit card and took my gummy wormies, and orange juice.  Roy drove to the dollar movies.  Roy suggested we watch a pg rated movie, but at the corner of my eye something sweet begged my attention.  SKYLINE.  One of my all time songs from my favorite band Pharaoh Overlord appeared on the movie listing.  "Skyline!", we yelled.  I gave him his dose of mushies and I took my.  Roy prepared the bowl.  As I inhaled the marijuana paranoia crept in.  In the corner of my eye a gray suburban was patrolling the parking lot. "Security?", I asked myself.  "THEY KNOW!", we yelled out synchronously. Roy and I rushed to the the theater to find security.  Roy suggested we move up close to this pair of women that sat in the screening room.  Behind them we began to goof off, and annoy them.  The movie began and the mushrooms started kicking in.  Purple curtains sparked in the darkened room.  The movie was poorly acted and unappealing.  My Brazilian cubes helped me cope with the pain of witnessing mediocrity.  A Cthulhu-like creature made things interesting for an instant.  Roy began to trip out.  Idiosyncratically I felt aloof and in sync with my friend's trip.  Roy thought we were creeping out the girls in front of us.  He thought the cops would be called on us.  I freaked out and so did he.   We ran off to the truck.  Roy began to drive.  I really felt the trip coming and I began to talk really loudly.  Which only made Roy more paranoid.  "Cool down dude I am concentrating on driving", Roy said.  "Where is the pipe?", Roy asked.  I smoked and cooled myself down.  Roy drove atop a long protracted bridge which lit up with a greenish hue.  I was left speechless when I witness the inert beauty of this planet.  "Where are we going?", I wondered.  "I don't know", Roy replied.  Suddenly, Kurt Kobain's voice elucidated me to our destination.  "Nirvana!".  "That is where we are going", I proclaimed.  The road to Nirvana continued on.  Roy started to trip out and texted his girlfriend.  I am still amazed as to how he can manage to drive while intoxicated on two substance and text all at the same time.  "I AM GOD!", he excitedly declared.  "No you are not, you are just having an experience", I replied.  "This experience is not real , dude.  Life is a dream.  It is as if  God momentarily awoken and fell back unto slumber again.  God is having a dream and we are it.", I said.  "Right on", Roy said.  Without missing a beat I replied, "Smoke More", as I laughed off the topic.  

     I paced around my backyard.  Extreme pessimism coupled with misanthropy plagued my mind.  Violent tears marched down my cheeks. This is when it hit me.  I live and they sleep.  People in my community are hopelessly asleep.  Befuddled with ignorance and plagued with materialism they sleep-walk.  The ominous threat of the new world order caused me great fear.  Its presence ominously encroached me.  I jumped unto a brick wall and sat atop of it.  In the brick wall was a metallic pipe piercing the wall.  The vista lit up with colors which re-awoke in me a great passion for nature.  I sobbed and bled out tears of desolation.  The metallic pipe blended with my tears.  I hugged the pipe and held it as my own personal cross.   I pleaded with the inerrant infallible for strength.  I felt abysmally small and insignificant.  "God wake up, please!  Please wake up God.   I am sorry for being asleep, but please you need to wake up.  I need you right now.  I love you and I need you wake up.  Please wake up God."  My tears found no consolation.  I heard God's voice after much pleading.  I called unto God once more.  I walked on top of the wall which provoke me to embrace my existence.  I took my half-quart jug of orange juice and began to converse with myself.  My thoughts did not fit in my head I had to speak them loudly.  I took a long walk.  Reality seemed to be fragmented, or perhaps my brain's illustration of reality was skewed. I walked and walked without any intention of stopping.  The sun's ray gleamed in my eye.  My thoughts carried on .  I pursued truth through conversation with myself.  Deja Vu begged me for cautious.  I encountered an acquaintance at my old high school.  The Sun laid commenced to lay its head on the horizon.  As I walked home I met up once again with my friend Daniel.  He offered to give me a lift home.  I accepted without questioning why he would offer, this is unusual to my persona.  We talked about life, our lives.   I opened the door and held out my hand to waving goodbye.  

     In retrospect, I confronted the questions which nudged me into believing I was doomed to failure.  I untangled the web of lies which I weaved by stating simple truths.  My life changed for the better.  I know as to why I dreamed of my upcoming failure.  I dreamed of a bleak future, because my subconscious begged me to look deeper within.  I broke free of my self-fulfilling prophesy and the illusion of who I think I am, as well.  This day, and the three days before it, have been one of the greatest moments in my life.  It led me closer to the truth than I have ever been to.