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Salvia and Cannabis

Long but detailed, very life changing.

First, let me say that I have failed to see such a non judgemental site for substance use other than this one, it is truly fantastic, even grasscity has it's annoying novices. I have been seen asking questions about this certain "trip" you could call it, but I haven't mentioned that salvia was in the mix, because I am used to be chastized for "abusing" myself by using it. Once. I am/was an avid pot smoker, but not anymore. But I do plan on toking again. This is what happened, please endure it , I know it is alittle long, but I wanted to really let you feel this experience and then maybe someone could help me understand.

              It was a cold fall night in the South, and I was in my dorm room preparing myself to go out with N, and I was straightening my hair, putting on my makeup, blissfully unaware of life itself, its meaning, I was pretty shallow and distorted before this. I switched off the TV when N texted me to come outside and take a ride with him; I knew immediatly what he was getting at, and I was stoked to get stoned. So i went down the Stairs and met up with him in the parking lot. 
             As we left the campus, he took out this beautiful bud of hydro, and some papers and I got to rolling. Its funny, when you don't know you are rolling your own death. But this was different. "Look at what I got." I didn't recognize it, it smelled different, and felt different than cannabis. "Salvia". That word plummeted into my stomach. I had heard horror stories of what it did, how people got instantly swept into a whole different reality with only one puff and never returned to normal sanity. But I thought I was different. I had low anxiety, and not a lot of stress. So I thought that I would be ok. I was dead wrong.
           When we finally had our spoils rolled into a salvia joint and the cannibus blunt was wetted and made ready, we got to toking.
           Now note: I had only ever taken about five hits to eight hits off a joint and felt just dandy, but tonight I was feeling adventurous. So i took a few hits off the dutch, and made my way into heaven. But I still was not passed my usual barrier. I really wanted to feel. After N had taken several hits, he said he was feeling 'Alright'. So i grabbed the blunt an selfishly took about twelve more hits, long strong hits. I held that smoke in as long as I could, till it hurt. I wanted to join the universe. I still didn't feel much, which was frustrating. So we got to the salvia. I only took one hit (thank the Lord). Amazingly, I still didn't feel a thing. We had been driving this whole time, and had finally reached out destination, J's house. By this time, I was stoned out of my mind. I couldn't stop smiling at everything, which was bending and swaying and swallowing itself. I wish we had never went into this house, maybe then I would be ok. We got inside J's small apartment, which was very dim and had tall ceilings. N and me sat down on the couch, but I could not even feel the couch. I could not feel anything but a complete bliss. J took one look at me. "I see what you two have been doing." Apparently I had never looked so blitzed.
           Strange things started happening. J was sitting on his table playing guitar hero, and I heard the music repeat itself over and over and over. I don't remember what song it was, but I can still hear the seven or so notes even now. As I watched J play, I felt myself getting sucked into something, I could not move. I did not want to move. I felt so unbelievably peaceful and sedated. I felt like I was the only one there, and that we were all apart of eachother. Now, only about twenty minutes had passed since I had smoked the cannabis and salvia. It was only getting started.
          I stared at J's head, and i started to hallucinate a little. His head started to float, and the rest of his body disappeared. "Whoa" was all I could utter aas I watched his head blend into the red poster behind him, and the room around me started to disappear. The notes I heard over and over started to increase in speed, but I was not even in the room anymore. It was melting all around me, and I was apart of all of it. The universe was holding me, cradling me, and I was alright. More alright than I ever had been in my whole life. Angels were singing, I was made into a whole other person as the drugs were taking effect, I felt myself disappear, I don't know if that counts as ego loss or not. But i could not diffrentiate between me and the couch, me and the couch that was not there anymore,it was just a blur of color. 
          I have no idea how long I was blacked out, or what N and J talked about. I heard none of it, I heard nothing but my own joy. Suddenly, something snapped be out of it. N might have nudged me or J might have laughed, all I know is that the angels had stopped singing, and the universe had rejected me. I stared at the ground, terrified. I could not move. If I left the couch, I would die. I glanced up at N, and his eyes were bloodshot. I felt a jolt in my chest and started screaming "I am freaking out!" I ran out of the room, pushing the blanket hung over the door way out of my way. The night was freezing, and I hoped it would wake me up from this terrible nightmare. I was dead, and life was just a dream. Or was I alive, and life really was just a dream but I was dreaming it? Was I in a coma on the couch? Was my body still on the couch safe and sound, while my mind was splitting into different pieces? I had no idea. I was horrified. I heard J's chuckle "I remember my first time" But this was not my first time, this was my hundreth, maybe two hundreth time. I had lost all sense of self, and I wanted it back. N got me in the car. That's when it got much worse.
          He turned on my favorite smoking music, but I could not even hear it. I could only feel the fire in my head and the buzzing in my ears that made my head feel so heavy and full. I sat in the passanger seat, twitching and whimpering. Then I put my hand to my face, and almost screamed. My head was not there! What was my hand touching? I pulled my hand away, or did I? I could still feel it on my face, the freezing touch of my fingers still lingered for about fifteen seconds. I laced my fingers, but I was holding someone else's hand. Was it my hand, which one was my hand? I looked at my legs, and started shouting "These are not my legs! Whose are these? They aren't mine!" I was sure I was reaching total insanity, and my heart was pounding out of my chest. I put my head between my legs and started breathing deep, in and out, but it would not calm me. I sat in a daze, drooling, conviced I was dead.
            N decided that we should probably eat something. We pulled into Arby's, but I had no appetite. I felt like if I tried to eat anything, I would vomit all voer myself in fear. But I tried anyway. The food tasted horrible, like someone had put acid on it. We continued driving, and I was spiraling more and more into my head, no longer shouting but whimpering pathetically "Is is this a dream? Am I dead? Are you real? Am I real?" I would not stop saying it over and over. In my head, outloud, I continued the litany until we got back to campus. Everything was blurre and hazy and had an orange tinge. N held my hand as we walked up the Stairs. We decided to take a shower. As N washed my hair, I was shaking. The water was melting into my body, and I did not know how to take this. I whimpered as I crawled into my bed. The night had seemed to last for hours and weeks, but it had only been about an hour and a half. N held me and kept repeating "It's only a drug" and kissing my hair. My roomate M came in, and I felt like I was starting to come down. But everytime I stood up, I felt like it was happening all over again. I felt like if M left the room, I would die. I knew if N left, I would die for sure. Unfortunatly, N had to leave at 10, so I was stuck alone in this hell.
           N calmly told M what had happened, and she took me to her friend's room, and we watched a movie, trying to calm me down. I felt myself going back into sanity slowly, and finally, I came back down completely.
               Needless to say, I tried to smoke just weed again in February, and felt nothing close to these effects, just the normal floaty paranoid dream feel. I have no smoked since, but look forward to trying again. Thank you for reading, and I hope my experience maybe gave a couple people some peace of mind.
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